Some mornings, I have to begin by seeking humor in order to face the world. Does that ever happen to you? This morning I pulled out a book of quotes and flipped to the page with observations by Steven Wright. Do y’all know him? He’s that sardonic comedian with the deadpan delivery that is so slow that you think he is asleep. His humor seemed like the right stuff to brighten my day.
Wright looks at the world with a skewed eye, and sees the absurdities that most of us miss. Every time I’m exposed to his work, I find myself going out into the world and looking for “Wrightisms.” For instance, at the drive through ATM I noticed that the keys had letters in braille. I thought, “Hmm. A drive through for blind people — that explains Dallas traffic.”
Here are thirteen of his quotes for this Thursday, along with a short clip of one of his stand-up routines (because it’s more fun to watch him deliver his lines than to read them). It brightened my morning, and I hope it does yours.
THIRTEEN FAVORITE STEVEN WRIGHT QUOTES
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don’t get it.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
It doesn’t make a difference what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.
It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to paint it.
Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
What’s another word for Thesaurus?
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn’t happen.
Since I know there will be more dreary days ahead, do you have any suggestions for comedians whose material would brighten my mood?
Every day at my house has become like Christmas, because I get to open packages! I’ve thrown away my mascara, because it runs down my face and makes me look like a sad clown (clowns are scary!). For some reason, my eyes leak every time one of those packages get opened. They are not gifts for me but for 150 kids with cancer. The boxes contain crocheted squares for to make afghans for Share A Square.
When DeeDee contacted me at the Facebook page for Share A Square 2010, we talked about meeting for lunch. She had some yarn to give me that could be used for rimming the afghans we are making. I decided to let somebody else have the experience of watching the squares tumble out of their packaging. After a hearty meal, and a lot of “girl talk,” I made DeeDee and her friends Sandy and Karen open the mail I had gotten that day.
Before it was done, we counted 93 squares to add to our total. I don’t think there was a dry eye among us, but I couldn’t see through the tears. It’s heartwarming, indeed, to have so many people helping us put together these afghans.
So far, we have received 451 squares, and I’ve only been collecting them for two weeks. They were from:
Teresa W., Grand Rapids, MI; Alice L., Glendale, AZ; Judy B., Eaton OH, Micki F., Jerusalem,Israel; Joyce F., Baldwin, LA; Jean K., Howard Beach, NY; Dee & Marion S., Toano, VA; Mary B. Pittsfield, MA, Debbie W., Casa Grande, AZ, Nancy K., Houston, TX; Sandra P. Ama, LA; Angela V. of Reno, Nev., Debbie S. of Hillsboro, OR, Marilyn B of Winter Park, Fl, Judith K of Roselle Park, NJ; and Jennifer S. of Cornelius, NC.
I’ve also received generous donations to help with laminating the tags that will go with each square from Van and his wife Chris in Austin, TX; Barbara in Kenai, AK; and Kathleen Y of Bethlehem, PA.
Thanks to ALL of you for your support … this could NOT be done without you!
You can help, too (yes, I’m talking to you). Do you want to make me cry? More importantly, do you want to help these children who are battling cancer feel some love? Go ahead and click on the Share A Square FAQ. It will tell you what you need to know. If you need some inspiration, you can read a post about the last time we did this, called Dream Big And Run Like Thunder.
If you can crochet, or if you know people who can, we could use some help. Although 451 squares is an awesome amount in such a short time, the goal by the end of December is 12,000 squares!!!
I’m headed out to the Post Office, to see what it holds today. Maybe soon it will hold something from you?
With a forlorn look on his face, my husband said, “The lawnmower is dead. It really died this time and I can’t fix it. The connecting rod broke.” I pretended like “connecting rod” meant something to me, and nodded wisely. “Oh,” I replied. “Then, don’t mow the lawn.” It seemed like a simple enough solution [...]
