…Check back later today, because I plan to post some links to new favorite blogs…

I’ve never joined the Friday Feast before, and I’m not sure I want to participate in a meme every day. But, I’ve got so much to do today that I’m jumping like drops of water in a hot skillet. Do y’all have days like that? It’s one of those days that I wish I was twins. I’d make the other one do all the work while I sat back and played.

I don’t want to be silent(and if you have ever visited, you know that’s right), so I’ll just answer questions and post again later today. I’m compiling some lists for my Link Love. The choices aren’t easy, because this week I’ve found some very appealing blogs. Come back and see who I finally picked.
Appetizer
What are you proud of?
That’s a loaded question to ask a Texan, because there is a vicious rumor going around that we brag a lot. My Momma taught me that bragging is not polite, and I learned my manners. But, since the meme asked, I suppose it’s alright to say.

The thing that pleases me most is that I have been fortunate enough to work as a professional storyteller for the last twenty years. It is definitely my “calling.” Many people get stuck in jobs they despise; but I like mine <most of the time. There are days, however (when I’m dealing with rowdy eighth graders), that I question my love of my occupation.

Soup
What is the best thing you’ve ever won as a prize?
I don’t believe I have ever won a prize–how sad is that? I’d ask someone to award me one, but I’m afraid of what I’d get.

Salad
Name something you do that is a waste of time.

There is a tie for this answer. One would be trying to keep the litter boxes clean with five cats in the house. The other would be trying to keep the toilets clean with two men in the house.

Main Course
In what year of your life did you change the most?
Like the surface of a pond, I change constantly. But, my life change the most in the year 2000. A long marriage dissolved and I had to start remembering who I was.

Dessert
Where is a place you consider to be very tranquil?

Around this house, there isn’t a place that is tranquil. But, I feel most at peace when I am in the gardens or sitting at my spinning wheel. Listening to the gentle whirr of the wheel as it spins induces an almost meditative trance.

Some of you may have seen my recent post on language, and know the fact that I sometimes lapse into my “Mother Tongue.” For me Texan is the one true language. However, I do understand that for some people that language is enigmatic.

Let me try to translate a few of the more common terms:

1. A Texan might exclaim “I tell you what!” Your ears will hear as “Ah te’ yew whut!” It’s a bit like saying, “Well, my goodness!” Depending on the inflection, it can express pleasure, disgust, or dismay. Don’t sit waiting for an answer; a true Texan never actually “tells you what.”
2. Another expression that is very versatile is “Boy Howdy!” It can express all of the emotions above as well as anger or awe.
3. If a person is called a “ring-tailed tooter” s/he is not a person with excessive gas. Used affectionately, it can mean that the person is very energetic or funny, but it can also be used to express that a person is out of control or bad beyond belief. “A real piece of work” is an interchangeable expression. Used in a conversation: “That Britney Spears is a ring-tailed tooter, ain’t she?.” Which statement would be answered by “Ah te’ yew whut!” or “Boy Howdy!”
4. If someone is described as “a half a bubble off plumb,” that means that they are a bit crazy or not quite right in the head. The term comes from the world of carpentry or stone masonry where a spirit level is used to determine how level (horizontally straight) or plumb (vertically straight) a surface is.
5. You might hear Texans say the term “swing a dead cat,” however I can assure you that even cat lovers might use the expression. I’m not sure how to define it exactly, but used in a sentence it might sound like this: “You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a Starbucks [Coffee House] around here.” Your uninitiated foreign ears might hear “Y’all cain’t swang a dead cat ‘thout hitt’n’ a Starbucks ‘round hyar.” That, of course, is the proper pronunciation.
6. “If you put her brains in a bluejay it would fly backwards,” means that she is not very smart.
7. Someone who has imbibed too much alcohol might be called “drunker than old Cooter Brown.” Y’all might be wondering who Cooter Brown was. Unfortunately, you will have to keep on wondering, because that is lost to history; but he must have been an alcoholic.
8. Someone who is “all hat and no cattle” might be very boastful, but with nothing about which to brag.
9. You might hear something that sounds like “I mona.” Texan tongues can be very lazy. That expression means “I’m going to” or “I’m gonna,” as in “I mona get another cup of coffee.”
10. If someone says, “I don’t care if it hare-lips the governor,” that usually means that they don’t care about the outcome at all! You don’t have to use the whole phase; it is just as effective to say, “I mona eat that third piece of cake if it hare-lips the governor.” Around here, we will know what you mean.
11. In polite society, when I was growing up, people did not use curse words in mixed company; therefore there were many creative expressions to avoid it. My Mamaw (grandmother) never “swore,” because it is not ladylike to swear and the Bible says thou shalt not. But she was known to”swan” a lot. Use “Well I swan” instead of “Well, I swear!” My Papaw (grandfather) would never say,” By God” in front of women or children, but he often uttered something that sounded like “I Gotties,” and we knew exactly what he meant. If either of them were really angry, they said, “Well, I’ll be John Brown” which to a Southerner of their time meant, “I’ll be damned.” John Brown didn’t get much respect in the South. Even liberal Texans (there are some of us here) sometimes still use this phrase. The Brown family often had their name used in vain, didn’t they?
12. My Daddy often used the phrase, “Whatever blows your dress up,” meaning “do whatever you like.” I think it came from the famous incident with Marilyn Monroe’s skirt, so it may not be strictly Texan. But, if we don’t like something we say, “that don’t blow my dress up.”[Keep in mind that grown men and women in Texas refer to their parents “Momma” and “Daddy.”]
13. “If you can’t run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.” That piece of sage advice simply means that if you aren’t capable of completing a task, don’t do it.

This list could go on forever, but it is my experience that vocabulary words are best learned in small doses. I look forward to your comments. To help you learn the language, you can try to comment using one of the phrases listed above. Or, you can share an equivalent phrase and its definition from your neck of the woods. If the list “don’t blow your dress up,” you don’t have to comment at all.