I Need A Cup Of Coffee!

If y’all have read my blog before, you might have noticed my obsessive love of bacon and blogging. Probably by now you think I have a pathetically addictive personality. You’re right. But, I only get addicted to things I love. Coffee is one of them.


I learned to drink coffee when I was very young by slurping the brew my Daddy boiled. It was strong enough to walk from the pot to the cup by itself. Daddy said, “It’ll put hair on your chest.” Fortunately in my case it didn’t do that; but it didn’t put much of anything else on my chest either.

Several years ago, I had a frequent strong craving for Starbucks coffee. By frequent, I mean daily, sometimes twice a day.
[Aside: Did you know that Starbucks was named after the chief mate in the novel Moby Dick? It was, but only after the owner had thought about naming it after the ship in the novel (the Pequod). Fortunately for him , a friend of his pointed out that no one would want to buy a cup of “pee-quod.”]

My first trip to a Starbucks was a bit confusing, because people speak in tongues at that store. Regular customers utter things like: “Give me an iced, decaf, triple grande, vanilla, non-fat, with whip latte.” The barristas (the coffee clerks) know just what they mean, but I was clueless. I was particularly confused about the sizes. In Texas, “grande” means “large.” In Starbucks, it means “medium.” To those folks, a “small” cup of coffee is “tall” and a “large” is “venti.” Why can’t they just speak English?

I finally learned to order a “Quad venti mocha,” which is a large cup of steamed chocolate milk with four shots of espresso. That’s all I ever get, because I don’t want to have to learn any more, since I’m not good with foreign languages. I tell you what, that mocha I get is an expensive habit! But, I needed it. When I traveled, I wanted to know where I could get a cup, so I went to the Starbucks website to locate all the stores across Texas.

One day, I was in line behind a handsome gentleman in an expensive looking business suit. His silver hair was perfectly combed and his fingernails professionally manicured. Mr. Silver Hair very gently held the elbow of an older man on a walker. The Old Man was probably in his nineties. Even though his back was bent like a question mark, he had dressed with pride. He would have looked quite dapper in his fedora and red bow tie at the throat of his crisp white shirt, except for the fact that his trousers were hitched up to his armpits and held with red suspenders.

While Old Man cocked his head and squinted at the sign board trying to decide on a drink, Mr. Silver Hair winked at me and said, “He’s my father.” The barrista asked Old Man what drink he wanted, and he squeaked, “Is that price by the pound?”

I guess they didn’t let him out of the house much.

I moved to a small town a few years ago, and discovered there was no Starbucks! At first I was devastated, and drove a twenty mile round trip to get my “fix.” Then, I started exploring the little coffee shops in town and discovered that I don’t even like Starbucks coffee! Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’ll still drink it if there is nothing else available. But, after drinking other coffees, I discovered that Starbucks’ coffee tastes bitter and burned.

This morning, I discovered that I am not alone. There is a website called I Hate Starbucks where people write to say awful stuff about the place! I don’t dislike Starbucks well enough to post anything. I still go there in emergencies, and I don’t want them to have my picture posted by the register under the heading, “Do NOT Serve These People!” Instead, I discovered another site called Delocator where I can find independent coffee houses in various cities without having to go to a corporate chain.

But, Delocator is run by one person, and to make it work people have to list the coffee houses in their areas. I’ve discovered that my local coffee shops are not on the list. Later today, I intend to add them. And, you could do me a big favor: ENABLE ME! Go to the site and list the coffee houses in YOUR area, on the off chance I might someday be driving through. This coffee addict will be forever grateful.

  7 comments for “I Need A Cup Of Coffee!

  1. April 28, 2007 at 10:34 am

    ;-)i’m a coffee addict myself. and boy do i adore Starbucks too!!! I love caramel macchiato. nice post. makes me want to get some coffee right now. 🙂

    Try a small coffee shop, and you might never go back to Starbucks except in case of emergency!~skt

  2. April 28, 2007 at 5:55 pm

    I read that statistic once about how much money you would have at the end of the year if you quit going to Starbucks — it’s quite a bit. But, you know what? Life’s just too short. And, I don’t like coffee, but I love Caribou’s Chai Latte. Starbuck’s doesn’t make a latte quite as good as Caribou’s. But, my passion is similar to your coffee passion. I dream about waking up to a chai latte that my husband bought for me while sleeping in, and finding it on the counter.

    I have got to get on the ball with this link love thing. The boys — you know.

    I’ve never heard of Caribou’s. Again, I don’t even like giving my money to corporate stores. Chai Latte is good. All of it’s expensive….but I’m with you on the “life’s too short!~skt

  3. April 28, 2007 at 6:03 pm

    I love coffee, too. I can (and sometimes do) drink it morning, noon and night. Starbucks coffee, though…..yuck! Thank you–it tastes bitter, burned and I’ll even say oily. I don’t know what they do to it, but it is not good.

    The best coffee in the whole wide world (my opinion, of course) is at Dunkin’ Donuts….if you haven’t, try it…it is heaven in a paper cup 🙂

    Jessica The Rock Chick

    I’ve never tried Dunkin’ Donuts Coffee…I won’t let me stop because I can single-handedly suck down a dozen donuts in less than six minutes. I like a little “mom/pop” coffee shop here in town.~skt

  4. April 29, 2007 at 12:41 pm

    Tall Americano does it for me, and Starbucks is better than a lot, unfortunately. But we found a new coffee shop in the next town that has awesome coffee and is a comfortable place to sit and talk or think. But a larger corporation from another state is suing them over their logo — shame because even as imaginative as I am I can’t imagine the law falling for it as a similar logo. It is a shame they just can’t get along. I’ll add my new discovery to the list. Thanks!.

    It’s a litigious world out there. Is it the lawyers or just greedy goofballs who start all these lawsuits? ~skt

  5. April 29, 2007 at 10:16 pm

    Oh Shelly, I doubt you’ll ever drive thru this neck of the woods. We have recently and by recent I mean within the last 10 years got Starbucks here – but only one location and then one just opened up in the Safeway near to us. Dang, but their coffee is overpriced.

    I’m not a big coffee fan – I used to be and then I switched to tea..but I can go for a nice cup o’ Joe once in a blue moon and we don’t really have any great coffee places.

    The best cup of coffee I ever had was while visiting my Sis in Vancouver. We were on our way to Whistler for the day and we stopped in downtown Vancouver and she got me a cup. Damn that was some fine coffee. I enjoyed that cup like it was the last coffee on earth. Apparently this mom & pop coffee shop roasted their own beans, and boy you could sure tell.

    There are days where I remember that coffee and wish I was could get some – I have found nothing comparable since.

    I always feel like an idiot when I order coffee at Starbucks. I dislike all of this grande, verti…and at Timmy’s it’s Double double and all that jazz. Every coffee shoppe has their own lingo and you feel like you need a valid membership card to order coffee. Standing in line you mumble what you want in ‘non-member’ lingo and you half expect the everyone to stop and stare in a dramatic movie type pause.

    I’m checking out those links later – looks like fun!

    See no smiles today…I have probably been abusing the privege…hehehehehe!

    I didn’t take away the smilies…I was trying to add more, and so they just hid for awhile. Probably that memory of wonderful coffee was just associated with having a good time…in which case you might never find anything that tastes like it. I just went to my little coffee shop on the square, and the wonderful thing is that they KNOW what I’m going to get, so it’s ready by the time I even get to the register. :grin:~skt

  6. April 30, 2007 at 5:25 pm

    Congradulations on finally seeing the light!!! I, like you, never knew it was bad until I had coffee from somewhere else (anywhere else!). If you ever come to So. Cal I can definitely give you the heads up on where you can buy the best cup of coffee in the state! 😉

    I’ll definitely call you before I drive over! 😀 ~skt

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