Thursday Thirteen #12—I Was Just Thinking…

1) My Aunt La Verta, bless her heart, kept a matchbook with her all the time. Whenever she was feeling “gassy,” she pulled out a match and lit it. Did she think she was hiding the smell? It didn’t. And, it brought attention to what she had just done. Sorta like tootin’ like a foghorn and then announcing to the world at large, “Oops. Stepped on a frog.”

2) Why do men who are losing their hair do that comb-over thing? Don’t they realize that it just calls attention to the bald spot? If they would just shave their heads, they could be “sexy.” Telly Savalas was voted the sexiest man alive at one point in his career. I won’t argue with that. And, besides, don’t “they” say that bald men are more virile? I don’t know who “they” are, and I’m not sure if that’s just propaganda, because I have no personal experience on the matter. If that’s true, I would think a man would wear a bald head as a badge of honor! What do y’all think?

3) Why is it that my cats prefer to drink out of the toilet when they have perfectly good water bowls? If I happen to utilize the toilet for it’s intended purpose, they give me an indignant look that says, “Hey, we don’t do that in your glass of tea!”

4) Why does my drive through ATM at the bank have Braille on the keypad?

5) Why do the advertisements for foods at Sonic look so much better than what they serve me? Why do I keep believing that it will look better next time?

6) Why is it that when I stand in line at the store that is called “Everything Is A Dollar.” invariably someone holds up an item to show the clerk and says, “How much is this?” Duh.

8) Why do people who seem reasonably intelligent say things like, “The Big Rio Grande River” and “Automatic ATM Machine?” They also say “revert back,” “added bonus,” “prior history,” and “close proximity.” Don’t they know they are being redundant, and repeating themselves also, too, as well? What other redundancies do we say? Do you think of any?

9) My girlfriend insists that Preparation H will help hide her wrinkles. That stuff is supposed to shrink swollen hemorrhoids. Aren’t wrinkles already shrunken skin? She’s not any less wrinkled than I am, and I don’t smell like that nasty stuff…at least not on my face.

10) I have a newspaper article here that claims that women who get less than 8 hours of sleep a night gain an average of two pounds per year. I get about 6 hours of sleep every night. If I gave up housework and just slept for 10 hours a day, how long would it take me to lose 10 pounds?

11) What is Victoria’s “Secret?” It’s all on display in the storefront windows. As far as I can tell, the models show darn near everything they have, too. Doesn’t seem to me that there are any “secrets” left!

12) Why does the current KFC advertising on television play the song “Sweet Home Alabama?” I thought that KFC stood for Kentucky Fried Chicken.

13) My neighbors, God love them, worked for hours “decorating” their mailbox. Somehow it lost something between the concept and the execution.

Don’t y’all go telling them that I posted their mailbox on the World Wide Web.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Come back another day and “set a spell” on the porch with me.

I’m making a list of other 13s I’ve enjoyed:

• It’s a Raggedy Life lists ways you know you live in North Dakota.
• Sasha Says has her first TT posted. We could welcome her…
• Di’s Book Blog, etc lists things her family does that make her crazy. We can all relate!
• Wylie’s Words did the Google list of “needs” with her responses
• Least Significant Bits listed his needs, too! Must be time to google to see what I need!
• J’s Thought and Musings will tell you all about New Hampshire! Ask her if she has a guest bedroom.
• Riley Central has “Dad I’m Not Lying.

Related posts:

1. Thursday Thirteen # 17—I’m A Spoil Sport
2. Thursday Thirteen #10—Excuses
3. Thursday Thirteen #30 Thankful
4. Thursday Thirteen—The Saga of the Hotel from Hell
5. Thursday Thirteen # 8—My Last Meal Before I Die-et

Tagged as: humor, Memories, Silly Is My Middle Name, Thursday Thirteen