Have y’all seen that movie “The Christmas Story?” Around our house, it’s a tradition not to be missed. My husband and my stepsons can quote it verbatim, because they have seen it so many times. I never fail to laugh at Ralphie’s antics as he tries to get his Red Ryder bb gun for Christmas; and I never fail to get teared up and use half a box of Kleenex at the end.
I giggle the most when The Old Man (the father character played by Darrin McGavin) starts “cussing.” It’s all in gibberish, and you can’t understand the words, but you definitely know the intent. I guess I like it, because it reminds me a bit of my own Daddy.
My Daddy was in the Navy in WWII, and he owned his own electrical company, so you have to know that he was fluent in curse words. Like The Old Man, “He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master.” To his credit, I never heard him use “The F Word.”
Now, my grandparents, didn’t curse at all, at least not around children. It just wasn’t considered proper. The worst my Mamaw would say is “I swan,” which means “I swear.” They knew that babies learn to talk by mimicking what they hear.
Unfortunately, my Daddy didn’t pay attention to that, so it should come as no surprise to you that I have a tremendous lexicon of profanity at my command. Though I am not a linguist, I can curse in several languages. But, I refrain from using the words in print most of the time.
One of my earliest memories comes from when I was about two years old. My parents had painted a wall in our house white. That pristine surface was a blank canvas for an artistic two year old with a new box of Crayolas. I began coloring the walls. Some time later, my Momma came around the corner to find her curly-headed cherub engrossed in creating a masterpiece, as she repeatedly murmured, “Sh*t, Michele. Sh*t, Michele.” I knew I was going to get in trouble, and I knew just exactly what Momma was going to say!
Now, when I had children of my own, I tried hard to curb my natural tendencies. I said something that sounds like, “Smatarats” instead of saying “Sh*t.” It didn’t give me the same satisfaction, but it was better than nothing. My kids still picked up on the words, so I finally gave up.
When my oldest boy was in the 5th grade, his class went to “camp” as a “bonding experience.” To hear him tell it, the week was one of the worst of his young life. The camp counselors did nothing to stop the bigger boys from picking on smaller ones, so it was much like a college “hazing.” My son got in trouble for trying to stop some bullies from giving a smaller friend of his a “swirlie.” That’s what they called it when the bullies shoved another kid’s heads in the toilet and flushed it. He also complained that the food was nasty and that the water tasted like “mushrooms.” My child was fuming about the week of hell he had endured.
A few weeks after this event, I got an ominous call to visit the principle at my son’s school. I don’t know about you, but the Principle’s office makes me nervous. I got dressed up and went down to the school. I perched myself anxiously on the edge of the chair in her office. She sat behind her desk with a scowl on her face that made her look like she was repressing gas. Then, she angrily shoved a letter across her desk that was written by my son and had been sent to the camp by him. It began, “Dear Camp Crap Officials.” It went on to describe, in graphic detail with every expletive the child had in his vocabulary, what an awful place he thought the camp was. My son signed it with his name, and added a postscript. It said, ” Oh, and P.S.: F*** YOUR WATER!”
I dutifully apologized to the principle, trying hard not to break out laughing, and promised her that my son would send an apology to the camp. I’m sorry, I know I’m a horrible mom, but I thought it was funny. Who hasn’t had an awful experience like that and thought about writing a scathing letter? My child had the guts to send the letter!
I sat down very seriously with my son and explained, “Son, when you are angry you can write a letter and then just throw it away. It will get your feelings out. If, after you have written it, you still feel you must send it…DON’T SIGN YOUR NAME!!!”
When his older cousins heard about my son’s letter, my boy became their “hero.” They thought he was the coolest thing since sliced bread. Even today, in our family, if we get angry at someone, all we have to say is, “Oh, and P.S.!” It gets the point across.
I will tell you that I believe that there are times when only a curse word will effectively convey a meaning. Used sparingly, an expletive has power and force. When sprinkled liberally through a conversation or essay, the same expletive becomes irrelevant. It’s power to shock is diluted.
I was always told that “words, once said, can never be unspoken.” It’s important to know that people will not forget the words we say, especially those words said in anger. It’s even more vital to remember that fact when we write on the internet.
Last year, I had to have a sit-down talk with my youngest stepson. On his blog, he had posted some very graphic, and very inappropriate, language. I asked him to remove the words, and I explained to him, “Son, words are powerful. They can heal or harm. The internet isn’t called ‘The World Wide Web’ for nothing. Anyone can see your words. When they see those words, they form an impression of you. Even if you delete them, the words might still be out there. Someone could have copied them, or pasted them…but anyone who read them formed an opinion of you. Your words can come back to haunt you in later years. Please remember not to post any words that would embarrass you if they were read by your employer, your teacher, your friends, your parents, or someday your children.”
I read a lot of blogs. It dismays me to find an author, who is otherwise a fine writer, using gratuitous curse words in every paragraph. I usually don’t continue reading, even if I like the points they are trying to make. It just doesn’t appeal to me.
My Mamaw would say, “That’s a sign that they don’t have good breeding.” I don’t believe that, but I think it’s a sign that they need to work on their vocabulary. They need to get a dictionary and use some creativity. And, I think they need to remember that the words can’t be “unsaid.”
So, what is your opinion on the use of expletives in our blog writing or about the power of our words? Has anybody had an experience along these lines that they want to relate? Do you refrain from cursing, or do you say whatever you think? And, how do you deal with the issue of profanity and your children?
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I really agree with what you say. It is so common to hear (or read) the most vulgar language on a regular basis. It’s so sad to think that people don’t respect others enough to use kind words and refrain from cursing or swearing every other word. It also shows a big lack in creativity, as you say.
When I’m visiting blogs, if I see more than an occasional curse word, I leave immediately because I don’t want to surround myself with that kind of language. And it’s often a warning sign that other filth is about to follow. Honestly, people need to remember that kind, positive words make a bigger impact than swearing and using hurtful language any day. But it’s good of you to bring it up as a point for discussion. Okay, end of my rant.
I’m probably not quite as strong on the point as you are, Cordia. I’ll put up with some of it. But, if the swearing is gratuitous, it takes away a lot from the content. Your rants are so nice…they are hardly rants at all!
~skt
I agree whole heartily with you on expletives in blogging, although there has been a time or two I’ve thought about it.
I use to have a blog where I said whatever and found it to be distasteful and unappealing to most, didn’t feel good about it and that blog died. I started blogging primarily for my son, for later on. He rarely reads it now, unless I tell him to. There may be a day that will change and I want him to see the good stuff his mama thought about.
In the flesh, another story.
LOL! I agree about “in the flesh.” I try to avoid it in writing, and in the company of folks I don’t know REALLY well. It just isn’t necessary most of the time (even though it sure can be satisfying!).~skt
expletives are a no-no in our house. my mom would wash my mouth with soap if she hears so much as a whisper. I guess i grew up not learning to do it at all.
*****
hi shelly, you might want to join me in sharing and writing about the blessings in our lives. it’s a contest of sorts although no tangible price really, each post will serve as an inspiration to other people, i hope that is price enough =) please check our my latest post for details.
It’s a pity, sometimes, that I learned it so well. It really doesn’t add much to a conversation. I’ll check out your “contest of sorts.”~skt
Yep. I don’t believe expletives add anything to a blog. Just shows a lack of imagination.
Seems like there are so many other things you could come up with to say…can’t think of them at the moment, but creativity would make much more picturesque speech.~skt
This post has me laughing! I want to meet your son! I occasionally use a dirty word or two! But I do try to avoid the F word. Mt 13 yo has slipped up and said curse words- it’s life. He hears it from me, the tv, school, really everywhere!
I’m not into censoring the kids much, but everyone has to know how to “play to the audience.” There’s a time and place for it all. And, yes, they aren’t going to avoid hearing it!~skt
You had me giggling throughout the post. Definite echos from my childhood and the parental admonitions that the use of swearwords indicated a failure in education. I genuinely believe that overuse leads to a coarsening of the climate in which we all live and that they should be saved for when it really matters. In the meantime I plan to stick to Razzerfrazzers, Inkleberries, and for major emphasis RATS!!!!
I like Razzerfrazzers, Inkleberries, and RATS! They are good—still it doesn’t have that good gutteral sound that a real live cuss word has. Are they Anglo-Saxon? You’d be the one to find that out. You know how to research ANYTHING. Thanks for the comment!~skt
Wow, you should be very proud of your son. Many times children are put in sucky conditions (ex: bad food) and just told to deal with it because they’re kids. It’s good that he stuck up for himself, and all of the kids. I’m sure that with your influence he’ll learn over time a better way to word his letters.
Oh, Frigga! With MY influence, he will be a potty-mouth. Maybe not in letters, though. Actually, he is a lawyer, so I imagine he could tell me how to word some letters
~skt
It’s a leg . . . it’s a major award . . . it’s a leg . . .
Fra GEE lay!
You watched the same movie I did! ~skt
I’m guilty of a potty mouth…er, keyboard.
My mother tells me all that time that vulgar language betrays a lack of creativity and education. She’s probably right but she also totally lied to me back in the day about where babies come from, so I’m a little apprehensive to trust her verdict. Fool me once, etc…
In my defense, I don’t have any children to corrupt with a wide array of profanity and sometimes there really is nothing so efficient and all-encompassing as a good old fashioned Efff You! Maybe I’ll grow out of it if I ever get around to learning one of those obscure clicking languages of Nomadic desert tribes. Then I can just click my tongue around and hurl a spear at someone to convey my overall frustration.
I wholly concur with you about the inability of words to be “unsaid,” but I usually don’t say anything I would intend to retract anyway.
My mother used to tell me that she knew I swore outside of the house b/c of the delay in speaking at home. I did drop the f bomb once when I cracked my rib after water skiing, Jeff was a baby and she says to me…”Hope you don’t use that word around your child”. Unfortunately I did and learned not to with the other two.
When he was 2 years old and I was backing up in my in laws driveway, he said to me, Mommy don’t hit the effing wall..” I knew then to tone it down.
I agree with the blog language, I would rather appeal to all then to make anyone uncomfortable reading it.
Good post…will have to tell my sons your story.
“Delay in speaking”…:lol: Something tells me you wouldn’t be a good “liar” either! It’s amazing what those kids will repeat isn’t it? Thanks for your kinds words about the post.~skt
I agree with you 100%, and I stay clear of using expletives on my blog. I can get my point across without using them. Now, I’ve been known to let loose if the mood is right….but it’s usually been in the privacy of my home!
In the privacy of your own home is fine
At least the WHOLE WIDE WORLD doesn’t know you cuss…until now!~skt
My parents didn’t cuss, so I don’t except under my breath. LOL. I’m not offended by cussing if it’s someone I know and it’s not constant. It bothers me a little if someone I’ve just met does it around me. I also don’t like hearing the F word over and over in a movie. Lacks imagination and respect IMO.
Your opinion isn’t too different from mine Kristy. Like I said, I cuss…I just try not to do it when I’m writing. You never know who might be reading, and I don’t want people to turn away just because I couldn’t be bothered to work on my phrasing
~skt
Well, I grew up in a houseful of potty mouths!
Yep, it’s true. My mom says swearing is “therapeutic” (hey, whatever works!) and let’s just say that my mom and my sister spend a lot of time “in therapy”..LOL Yowsa!!! Between my family (shhhh!) and working in a police department, I really think I’ve become immune to it.
I don’t swear very often, but I admit to having a certain few favorite expressions. I got called to the principal’s office once for Middle Daughter, too. She had crossed eyes when she younger and very thick glasses. One of the girls in the class had been repeatedly making fun of her and my daughter had enough. She just stood up in the classroom and said ” Kiss my (you know what). I know it’s not as big as yours, but you still should be able to find a spot!”…oh my!!! (The first part I might have said once or twice
she added that last part on her own! I’ve NEVER said that!”)
It was hard not to laugh in the principal’s office. I was trying to act shocked and appalled, but secretly I was saying “good for her!”…
Great post, as always!
Jessica (who once in a while will use expletives in her blog!) The Rock Chick
Good for your daughter! Sounds like she learned to be a strong woman from her Momma! I’m not surprised that you have a large vocabulary of cursewords with a policeman for a husband. It’s probably not easy for him to leave those behind after a hard day of work. ~skt
I sometimes swear in blogs, though I agree that over seasoning a blog with swear words can be tiresome and annoying, but so is the use of twee little euphemisms. If you do have to use the F word, then go for gold!
~skt
It definitely defines the mood when you do!
Great thoughtful post. It sounds like that “PS” was one of the moments an expletive had power. Thanks for sharing the story of that hilarious letter.
I don’t know if my son will thank me
! That “PS” definitely packed some punch.~skt
Since moving to Bristol the culture of expletives seems to have drained somemore into my speech. But I would still never use them in my writing, unless they were neccesary for character or mood.
Simon, a lot of what you write lends itself to that, so I can forgive it when it happens. Your writing is so funny, I could almost forgive anything!
~skt
I don’t use them, but I cannot say I never have. So I don’t get upset when folks cuss, either in person or in writing, but I’ll avoid it if I can.
This was a really good, thought provoking post. I regularly read a couple of blogs whose owners tend to cuss, but only those with something to say that I want to hear. Does that make sense?
Makes perfect sense to me. I will put up with some of it. I’ll put up with more in an actual conversation. But, with so many blogs to read, I don’t like wasting a lot of time on writers who didn’t respect their readers enough to use imaginative language.~skt
Just another one here that agrees 100%…I never cuss on this box, and try very hard not to in RL, but having been married to two squids, I *can* ‘cuss like a sailor’ for sure! So, I make a point to vary my word selections as much as possible – I agree w/ you; it only proves one’s lack of creativity, limited vocabulary and bad breeding.
Woo Hoo! I bet you can turn the air blue! I like that you don’t do that all the time! It’s nice to have the ability and then refrain from using it
~skt
Good post. I’ve wondered how other bloggers handle/address this.
I struggle with this issue — at home, that is, not at work, where cussing is part of everyday conversation. (It’s a newsroom. We are proficient in profanity.) When at home, however, I don’t swear in front of the kids. (Unless I’ve just stubbed a toe or pulled some little-used muscle.)
As for my blog, I try not to use too many expletives. If I do include one, it’s usually because I feel really strongly about something and I hesitate to change it because … well, it’s how I felt when I was writing it.
… if that makes any sense … ? My brain is mush today.
No, you make perfect sense to me. But, then MY brain is mush most day
Again, I believe that sometimes only a cuss word will do, but most of the time, it’s unnecessary. Thanks for visiting. I loved your post about why you need a date~ Priceless.~skt
I don’t know how I missed this post! Great one. And, I agree with your Mamma. It’s a lazy way to express yourself. You can find the right word if you try, and expose yourself to the dictionary. And sometimes the act of finding the right word — the search, can really help disperse your anger. It can make you feel right with the world that at least, you can understand yourself.
Yep. If you keep from letting out your anger for a minute, it usually subsides~skt