What kind of neighborhood did y’all live in when you were growing up? Think about that for a minute, and then consider where you live now. Is it the same? Does it have the same “feel?” Mine doesn’t. I’ve been pondering the differences this morning as I thought about two different subjects.
One of those subjects is “Why I Blog.” I wanted to write about that for the Carnival of Circular Communication, which has the theme “blogging” on this go-round. The other subject is the word “miss,” which is the theme for It’s A Blog Eat Blog World’s series called Manic Monday. I decided to kill two birds with one stone.
I miss living in a “neighborhood.” Don’t get me wrong, I have friends and I’m a part of several organizations. That’s not what I miss. I miss having “neighborly” people living around me. I miss a sense of community in a world where people tend to isolate themselves inside their homes.
I grew up living in 50s tract housing in a small town. The houses were small and packed closely together, with relatively small yards (unless you were mowing them, and then they seemed huge). There were no high privacy fences in the back yards; the most anyone had was a chain link fence to keep the dogs inside. Sidewalks wound their way from house to house connecting them like a huge “dot to dot” picture.
Everyone knew everyone else’s business, and that was good. We were neighbors, and we took care of each other. If someone got sick, a neighbor was sure to drop by to offer help. If there was a death in the family, neighbors brought food. If your child was getting “out of line,” a neighbor told you about it before your child had a chance to get into real trouble.
At any time of day, you could see your neighbors in the yard. Grown ups mowed the grass and weeded the gardens. Children rode their bicycles in the streets, skated down the sidewalk or played hopscotch on the driveways. Sometimes, people just sat in their lawnchairs on the yard in the evenings. When they barbecued in the back yard, they might call over the fence for the neighbors to bring some hamburgers for the grill and join them. Always, if you saw your neighbor, you waved and called out to them. More often than not, you went over to actually chat with them for a few minutes to exchange the latest news. The neighborhood felt alive.
The neighborhood where I live now is not like that at all. Oh, you might see people outside in the early mornings or late evening. They walk their dogs (so the dogs will leave the “mess” in your yard and not their own!). Children don’t play outside, at least not in the front yard, for there are no sidewalks on which to play. Instead, if they go outside at all, they are in their swimming pools behind a high wooden fence.
Drive through my neighborhood in mid-day, and you will think that no one lives in those big houses. You won’t see a soul, unless the lawn services are out mowing.
I know the names of the people who live on either side of me, but that is only because I walked over to introduce myself to them when I moved my house five years ago. They certainly didn’t step over to welcome me into the neighborhood.
A young couple moved in two doors down just after I moved here. Knowing that my other neighbors would do nothing to welcome them, I decided to greet them and tell them I was glad they were here. She was from up North and he was from Germany. I didn’t want them to think Texans were unfriendly, so I decided to give them the traditional housewarming gifts that my Mamaw might have given a new neighbor.
I took them a brand new broom (to sweep out the “old troubles”), a loaf of fancy bread from our finest bakery in town (to symbolize that I hoped they would always have “plenty”), and a lantana plant for her garden (since she was a gardener and was interested in plants that were from Texas). They were “unconventional” housewarming gifts, but they got my point across. Though she is young enough to be my daughter (and her baby is almost the granddaughter I might never have), that neighbor and I are fast friends.
You can see that this is not the neighborhood I remember from my youth. I’ve been wondering why it’s so different. Is it because, with the advent of central air conditioning, people don’t go out in the Texas heat? Do children not come outside to play because they have 100 television stations to watch? Are we just too busy to take the time to know our neighbors? Is it because people are so “transient” that they don’t want to develop relationships when they might move in a couple of years? Or, do we just not care anymore? Is it something I said? Are your neighborhoods like that, or is it just mine?
I don’t have a clue. But, I miss being part of a “neighborhood.” That is why I blog.
I know that I can go on-line and share my news, and that my blogging neighbors will drop by to chat. I can go to “their house” and talk. We can remain “neighbors” or become friends. While my blogging buddies won’t be able to pick up my child at school if I am too sick to move, they will jump at the chance to help in any way they can.
Recently, my friend Nigel asked me to drop by to visit one of his readers to give her some encouragement. He didn’t know that woman, except for on-line visits, yet he was neighborly enough to want to help. When I decided to try a wild and crazy dream for charity many people, bloggers and non-bloggers alike, jumped to help. Many people have written about it on their own blogs, and my friend Marcia even wrote a wonderful incentive for anyone to help with Share A Square. Those people out there that I might never meet face to face are acting just like neighbors!
My next door neighbors might not be overly friendly, but my global neighbors more than make up for that. Blogging makes me feel as if I am part of a neighborhood. The internet unites us.
Hey wait a minute! I guess I have to amend my statement. How can I miss living in a neighborhood? I do live in a blogging neighborhood, and I wouldn’t trade it for all the tea in China.
So, about that “missing?”
Never mind.
Technorati Tags: Carnival of Circular Communication, blogging, Manic Monday, neighborhood, community, Share A Square, internet
Jeanettes last blog post..# 7
what a wonderful post for MM!! I miss neighborhoods too.
Thank you! It’s my first try at it, but I think I love Manic Monday! Didn’t I just tell you we don’t have to miss neighbors? We already have them
. Thanks for visiting~skt
The house I was born in (well, the house I lived in after coming home from the hospital if I must be precise) was in a neighborhood a lot like the one you grew up in. When I was still quite young though we moved to a neighborhood much more like the one you live in now. I grew up know “some” of my neighbors, but certainly not all, and only one in a drop-in sort of way.
OTOH, my neighborhood NOW, here in Israel, has a much stronger feel of community. Possibly because it’s high-density urban housing, but I do know many of my neighbors (certainly all the ones on my own floor!) and can drop by for something if I need it, but most of the community feel takes place outside - in the neighborhood stores, in the playground where everyone congregates every evening, at school events… The way the storekeepers greet me by name is one of the little things that I like best about where I am now.
Perhaps it’s urban sprawl that is part of the problem here. I don’t know. Somehow I think there is more to it. Something insidious and sinister
. I’m paranoid, but it’s only because everyone is out to get me. 
I agree with you, I love it when storekeepers greet me by name. ~skt
I love my neighbor in westcliffe. You know the folks are there if you ever need them. Some are rather snooty but the others would make up for those. When you drive by these folks they always have a friendly wave for you. I sometimes forget where I’m at when in Denver when I first arrive there and will wave by accident, lol, the looks I get!
Great post Shelly, how do you find the time for it all. I can spend hours writing a post and rechecking for errors and then still have some when I finally hit post. I never quite see them till it’s for real.
My almost 80 yo mother has 10 or so squares ready for ya. Will mail my next trip back ot denver along with the 10 or so I still haven’t sent.
Did you receive (Buffy and company) squares yet?
Do y’all do the “salute” like we do here in Texas when you drive past folks? It’s waving the forefinger in the air. I appreciate you and your mom crocheting for me. You make lovely squares for those afghans. Time? Well, right now I have it and all I do is blog and crochet (occasionally cook and clean). When school starts and I start really working, we will see what happens. The whole thing might fall apart.~skt
What a wonderful post. I am so glad I didn’t MISS it!
I am also glad to have you as a blogging neighbor!
I also need to borrow a cup of sugar.
Happy MM.
I’d have been the one missing out. You need sugar? I’ll deliver. May take me awhile to get there….~skt
Yes — very happy to be part of your neighborhood.
~skt
I’m glad you are part of it, too! Don’t know what I would do without your feedback.
I miss being neighbors too. I know a couple of mine, but barely. That makes me sad. I try, but I’m the only dork on the block handing out cookies at Christmas.
Nah. You aren’t the only dork. I do it, too. Took some cookies to one neighbor, who wouldn’t open the door to greet me. Just talked through the door. Go figure.~skt
What a wonderful articulate post! It sums up exactly what I feel about the blogging experience.
I began to blog for ME (I assumed it was an electronic version of talking to yourself) but as soon as my ramblings gave rise to comment, I realised that there really wass an electronic village out there and we are all residents.
I know that many (maybe all) of us will never meet and possibly that is the attraction, we can rant, gossip, encourage and spill the beans on subjects of such diversity in the clear knowledge that we are not going to bump into each other in the queue for the bank teller!
The biggest change I see in modern comunities is the reluctance to allow our children to explore and play on their own or in small groups outside of the direct supervision of us as parents - this saddens me greatly. What saddens me even MORE though is that I do not have the courage to go against this modern doctrine - a fear based on the need to sell newspapers and fill 24 hours of news with only 4 hours of stories..grrrh!
Anyway, great post and thanks for the shout. You sum up everything that is good about community (both ‘real’ and electronic’).
You are right that maybe we can be more open because we won’t ever see each other. As for children playing unsupervised, well, it’s a scary world nowadays. The news media actually terrorizes us with the stories of crime and abuse. Maybe we should be going after THOSE terrorists? Perhaps we aren’t more neighborly because of a lack of trust? You think?~skt
I think you’ve hit a very spot-on nail on the head with your analogy of blogging to a neighborhood.
You’re right about neighborhoods today - there just is not that feeling of “belonging”.
I think that you’re right in that we want that connection with others, but in real life it can be so difficult, whereas online it seems to flow better.
Cheers for joining the Manic Monday brigade!
I’m delighted to get to join it. I’ve wanted to do so for awhile. Today, the word just seemed to gel in my brain (and that doesn’t happen often, because my brain is sometimes jello!). It’s a wonderful meme you started. As for neighborhoods, I think Nigel (Fat Bloke Thin) has it right when he says that the anonymity helps us be more forthright. Thanks for visiting~skt
As someone who never really had a “home town” your description of one was delightful. The lack of “neighborlyness” has a lot to do with our modern way of life.
Many women work and they were the ones who “kept watch” on children playing during the day or called on other ladies for coffee or cards. Men and women both used to spend one evening a week at social groups such as the Moose or Evening Star. Then there was always church on Sunday, Wednesday evening not to mention pot lucks. When you miss all of those things, you also miss small towns where a parade with dogs and children in wagons can be a major public event.
Yes the blogging world does help with the lack of local connection, but there is still a lot we miss.
It’s true, and I hadn’t thought about that…women working changes the picture a lot. And, it’s also true that there is a lot we miss by relying on the internet to be our “community.” I enjoy face-to-face contact, because I “read” people’s body language and tone of voice. Sometimes they tell me more about a person than words. It’s easy to misinterpret words written on a comment or in an e-mail. But, when your neighborhood offers little or no connection, the internet is nice to have! Thanks for commenting. I see that you lurk sometimes, but I like it when you speak. It makes me think I wrote something worth reading
~skt
As usual you produce an outstanding view of ‘miss’. I hung on every word. Excellent. Oh I received your thank you letter today. Hand written, with great substance. I expected nothing less. You are a wonderful neighbor my friend. Happy MM.
Lady, I think you are a darn good neighbor and friend, too!
Thanks for the kind words!~skt
What a great post—I have to say I don’t believe it is the neighborhood that we miss as much as it is what time has done to neighborhood. Two years ago, I returned to the neighborhood I grew up after my dad passed away and my mother suffered a stroke.—The neighborhood is not at all the same—yes it is still small but even the neighbors that were then and still remain there no longer do the things they did—they are no longer as friendly—seldom visit. People are living on a fast track today and don’t stop to enjoy life as they once did. In most cases it requires both working—-gone are the days of the mom being a stay at home mom.—Less cooking is done in the homes today, fast foods are becoming such a way of life—televisions have been replaced by computers for enjoyment. Kids no longer enjoy games that provide for interaction with other kids—they are more into Game boys, computer games, IPODs—Economy is also playing a part some neighborhoods are slowly dieing as the mom and pop business we knew and loved are being replace by large Retail business, chains—just a new way of life.
I live in the same neighborhood but I miss my neighborhood. It is nice to have a place we can share and come together as friends.
You are right, Vickie, that all those changes are really what we miss. I wouldn’t mind having a smaller house and yard now that the kids are grown
, but it’s the way people were. And, as you said, a lot of it is because of our fast paced worlds. ~skt
Shelly!
Top notch post, my friend! Loved it!!!
Until I was 11, we lived in Chicago. For some reason, in the city, everybody is outside all the time. On summer nights, everyone in the neighborhood would sit on their front porch and it was like a block party every single day.
At 11, we moved just a couple of miles outside the city to the ‘burbs. Nobody was outside ever. I lived in that particular house for 10 years and didn’t even know the names of the people who lived right across the street.
I bought my own house only about a mile away from that house and I do know my neighbors and some have become very close friends, but rarely is anyone outside. If they are, you can’t see them because it’s in the yard behind the fence.
I’m so glad to be part of your blogging neighborhood!! One of my fave parts of the day is having morning, ok, today it’s afternoon coffee with you here!!!!!
Jessica
I’m so glad that you come to visit, too! Oh, I found the coolest book of art deco stuff, and it has some signs about Chicago (I think from the Worlds Fair). If I remember later this week, I’ll scan and send you a jpeg in case you ever want to use them. They are awesome
~skt
I feel like an odd ball, but I can’t say I miss a neighborhood or even a sense of community. In large because I did not grow up in that type of environment. The home I grew up in was in the country. My parents had bought land from a farmer, and for a long time our home was the only one on a long and winding chip and tar road. There was a certain peace and quite that was rarely broken.
I live on Main Street now- literally and the noise is maddening. While one or two of our neighbors are friendly, the rest are not. College students walk past our house screaming at all hours. I’ve gone through many a rose bush because neighborhood dog owners never think twice about allowing their dogs to hike their leg on my double delights-often right in front of me. I know everyone’s soda of preference. They throw their cans in my fenced in yard.
So I can only imagine pie baking, doogie doo bag carying, eco friendly, softly spoken neighbors in my dreams. Right now I would be happy to return to that house on a chip and tar road.
Kymberlyn, the “neighborhood” you live in isn’t what “neighborhoods” used to be. Folks didn’t live like that. You heard kids squealing, but that was the extent of the noise, though dogs did roam the streets. What I miss is the way people were…emphasis on “were.” Thanks for stopping by~skt
I grew up in the country, but I still know what you mean about neighborhoods. We all went to the same schools, churches, etc. Now that I live in the city, neighbors are so transient. Most of them don’t have much in common either. It makes me want to go back to a small town, but I know that’s not perfect either.
Wonderful post! My friend and I were just talking about this tonight. I agree with you, blogging is a community, and I have enjoyed meeting so many new people.
Thanks, Mary. It is a wonderful community out there, and I wish that the real world would get out of my way so I could just visit! I appreciate you stopping by. What were you and your friend thinking about this “blogging community?”
Very interesting and well done.
I have a project that I am asking everyones help with. On my blog you will find a Post It note at the top that will explain everything. Thanks for checking it out, and my MM post too if you have time.
Thanks for stopping by, and for the kind words. I’ll try to take a moment and check it out~skt
As I watch the world transmogrify through the advent of technological paradigms, it occurs to me that nostalgia just isn’t what it used to be!
I KNOW who you are…and you are messing with my head! “Essessyou” For those of you wondering, SSU is my Sweet Spousal Unit. He’s just trying to make me use the dictionary!~skt
Great post.
While you’re a great online neighbor, I’d love to have you as a real-life neighbor too!
I miss those. Haven’t had them since childhood. They were the people who dropped by with stories about what was going on “in town” or who collected your mail when you were on vacation. Or who gathered together on a single mother’s porch to marvel over the rattlesnake one of them had just killed for her!
My parents still live in my childhood home and have now known many of these people for 30 years. Even those who moved away still keep in touch.
Oh, Cathy. If we were real live neighbors, we would never get any work done! We’d sit around yapping and eating chocolate all the time…maybe getting your hubs to cook for us!
I don’t miss marveling over rattlsnakes…but it sure would be nice to know there was a neighbor who would come kill it for me!~skt
How did I miss this? It is not like I don’t read your feed every day and visit, too.
Well put, Shelly. We moved into our new home in FL on my 5th birthday. Mom or Dad had met the neighbor on a quick trip to check on the house. When we arrived with the moving van, she brought me a birthday cake. It is not like that anymore, well, the exception rather than the rule.
No worries. You visit EVERY blog in the world.
I don’t see how you find the time. Yeah, it’s sad that folks aren’t more “neighborly,” but I guess we all get caught up in our own lives…I can kinda relate to that better at the moment!~skt
[...] Kneupper Tucker presents “Neighbors” United by the Internet posted at This Eclectic Life. Shelly has written a beautiful piece about how blogging works as a [...]
What a wonderful warm post, Shelly. I’m too glad I didn’t miss it and found via Jan’s Carnival. You know I too was trying to define the blogging world to myself. Is it like a family? No, not really. Friends? Well, some of them, yes. But you’ve defined it perfectly - it’s the ideal neighborhood that we all miss.
P.S. I absolutely love your unique way of replying to every comment below each person’s note, instead of having your reply to look like another comment. How do you do that? Are you using a special plugin for that? Or do you simply reply and stylize your comment by editing your readers comments?
Thanks for the kind words! Yes, “neighborhood” is what the blog world is, and you can find some delightful friends here, too. The comments? I just edit them & hit “bold” + “italicize.” If it’s a special plug-in, you’d have to ask Leanne, who designed my blog. I know nothing
~skt