My neighbor’s cousin’s daughter’s friend just had her third child. My neighbor thinks the child is not the husband’s. Should she confront this girl? The family is bellyaching to my neighbor because she was supposed to throw a baby shower for this girl and she refused to do it because of this situation. I tell ya that baby looks like the UPS guy!

Signed,
What now
Dear What Now,
When they are born, all babies look like the UPS guy! I look like my schnauzer, so what? Was the UPS guy present at the delivery? A baby is a baby and deserves a shower. Like I always say, “MYOB.” Or, was that my sister that said that?
Signed,
Dear Abby

Someone has been stealing my Prada-wear and replacing it with $9.99 Chic twill pants. Although I am enjoying the elastic waistbands, I I am concerned that some other hot babe will show up at the high-school football game in my missing clothes. What should I do? And do you think my butt looks big in pull-on pants?

A co-worker of mine walked into the pub I was at last night & handed me a homemade muffin. When offered a drink she declined saying, just wanted to give you this muffin. This is the 3rd time she’s just “randomly” shown up at a place I’ve been at . . . should I be worried she’s stalking me?!??!

Scared of Muffin Lady

My hubby adores garlicky food and consumes it with wild abandon. He’ll devour roasted garlic then pop a stick of gum and think, “problem solved”. When I comment on the noxious smell, his response is to stop mouth-breathing. How do I educate him on the horrors of NOSE BREATH?

Signed,
Cranky from wearing this gasmask