It’s Manic Monday over at Mo’s It’s A Blog Eat Blog World. Each week, Mo gives us a “theme word,” and we write a post from that. The word this week is “clue.” I’ve been pondering it.

I’ve started a new writing contest this week, and I have no clue why people aren’t jumping in to enter! Marcia did, and then Jamie did. They have some excellent entries, too! Why Paisley posted about it, and said she is going to enter. Jen, Jenny-Up-The-Hill, Jessica The Rock Chick and Lara are all “thinking about it.”

I didn’t think it would be difficult to write a “Dear Abby” letter. Especially not with the incentive I offered! Click the image for a larger view of this tiny purse necklace. It was knitted with itty bitty needles and has 2,000 sparkling seed beads on it.

To enter the contest, all you have to do is write a humorous Dear Abby letter (in 50 words or less) and submit it as a comment by Saturday, September 15th at 11:59 p.m. Texas Time. You don’t have to be a blogger to enter. You don’t even have to write the response. I’ll try my hand at it, and if I can’t think of an answer, I’ll go to Why Paisley and see what she says (she said she always wanted to be Dear Abby!).

In the spirit of the contest, I wrote a few last night using “clue” as my prompt word. I even wrote Abby’s response (remember you don’t have to do that part!). For better or worse, here they are. I guess if no one is going to enter the contest, I’ll enter, because I really kinda wanted that necklace…

Dear Abby,
My wife wears the pants in our family, and she wants to be President. If a President’s wife is a “First Lady,” will that make me a “First Gentleman?”
Signed,
Bill

Dear Bill,
That would be a “first” for you , I’m sure. Let me clue you in on this:the name won’t make you a “gentleman.” Maybe you should follow your wife’s lead and “wear” the pants.
Signed,
Dear Abby

Dear Abby,
I don’t have a clue why Marge thinks that it’s all my fault that our son Bart has that awful Attention Deficit Disorder. She claims it’s hereditary and it must have come from me, because she says I can’t finish anything—not even a sent…oh look…a donut!
Signed
Homer

Dear Homer,
A.D.D. is not so difficult to learn to endure. Most people who suffer from it can still function quite well. If it is hereditary, it’s possible that you…where’s a donut?
Signed
Dear Abby

Dear Abby,
My daughter bullies her little brother. I’ve tried everything to get her to stop: I’ve given her “time out”, I’ve yelled at her, I’ve even spanked her. How can I teach her not to hit her brother? What should I do next?
Signed,
Clueless

Dear Clueless,
Perhaps you can try distracting your daughter. Give her something interesting to do. You could teach her to spell. Start with a word that’s easy to recognize, like “h-y-p-o-c-r-i-s-y.”
Signed
Dear Abby

Dear Abby,

My concern is several. The American people misunderestimated me. They reflect a half-glass-full mentality. I’m like any other political figure: Everybody wants to be loved, but my position is clear — I’m a commander guy. People don’t trust me. I’ll work hard to try to elevate it. Gimme a clue.
Signed
George W.

Dear Dub,
A clue wouldn’t help.
Signed
Dear Abby

I know y’all can do better than that, so write up an entry and post it in the Dear Abby Writing Contest! I could sure use the laughs.

UPDATE:
These are the entries so far in the contest, followed by “Dear Abby’s” advice in bold. Keep in mind that “the entry” is only the letter to Dear Abby. That’s all you have to write.

Marcia submitted:

Dear Abby,

Leon demanded I do housework instead of sitting on my rear at the computer all day, but I want to win Bestest Blogger! There’s no class, so I practice. He only works 50 hours a week, he can clean! Everyone says he’s a saint, but he’s taking my computer away.

signed,

married to the devil disguised as Saint Leon.

Dear Married to the devil disguised as Saint Leon,
Everyone has their cross to bear. I suggest one of two options:

Hide Leon’s glasses, so he won’t see the mess, or

Take a trip to Victoria’s Secret and buy a sexy, flimsy negligee to use as your “blogging uniform.”

Good luck.
Signed
Dear Abby

Jamie wrote:

Dear Abby,

I am a widower with three children by three previous marriages. The woman I am courting mentions her cousin every time I propose. Katherine has a very delicate neck that she rubs whenever I ask for her hand. What will ease her pain so that she will consider my offer and say yes?

King Henry VIII

Dear Hank,
You might have bitten off more than you can chew with this relationship. According to ancient Gypsy lore, “the consistent rubbing of the neck is a sign of unfaithfulness.” Beware. You might just have to give this relationship the axe.

Signed,
Dear Abby

Jeanie offered:

Dear Abby
I need to do a course in time management - but I don’t have time to find out about, let alone do, one. Between mothering, lovering, hovering, hoovering, working, washing, cleaning, cooking, blogging and volunteering it seems in my life nothing gets compl –darn – can I get back to you?
Ms I-really-truly-do-intend-to-get-around-to-it.

Dear Truly do intend,
You don’t need a course in time management, dear. You need a maid, a butler, a cook, and a nanny…just like I have.
Signed,
Dear Abby

Claire sent:

Dear Abby,
I was recently approached by a very unscrupulous lady who wants me to pimp out my granny in order to get some afghan squares. It is for charity, but granny is old and wont make much even without her teeth, so what do you think i should do?

Cheers
Confused Claire

Dear C. C.,

What maniac would ask you to pimp your grandmother? You should report that woman to the authorities. Have big, burly, manly Bobbies come and handcuff her. Of course, a pervert like that might like being handcuffed. Short of having that wench arrested, you could save your grandmother from an awful fate. YOU could learn to crochet squares to ransom her, OR you could offer your own self instead.

Signed,
Dear Abby

JAM wrote:

Dear Abby,
I’m a psychic and your answer to the question I would have written to you makes me furious.

You better hope I never see you on the street, I carry a knife.

I would shoot you in the head, but I see you wear a helmet, and it looks bullet proof.

Signed
Angry Psychic

Dear Angry Psychic,
I’m so sorry about the recent layoff at the post office. I’m guessing that’s your problem. Obviously, you are not Clairol-voyant, or you would know whether or not my “helmet” is indestructible. Only my hairdresser knows for sure.

Signed,
Dear Abby

JennyMcB added:

Dear Abby,
My family won’t let me come and visit them. They seem to think that when I visit, there’s another funeral to attend. It’s boring in Cabot Cove because I suspect people pretend not to be home when I ring their doorbells. Can you suggest where I can find friends?

Lonely in Cabot Cove,
Jessica Fletcher

Dear Lonely,
That’s such a sad situation. It must be murder to have to endure it! I’m afraid You might just have to be content with imaginary friends. It’s a novel situation and one I’ve never encountered. I must admit it’s a mystery to me. Let me consult my colleague, Dr. Kevorkian.
Signed,
Dear Abby

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