I KNEW you couldn’t mean Mr. Selleck. If you were writing at 2:00 a.m., no wonder you got confused!~skt

Deer Abby,
The Principle at are Elementary Skull sad we halve to learn vocabulary wards to bee successful. I half spiel cheek on my computer. Their is no knead. If the Precedent kin succeed without a beg vocabulary, watt dew yew think?
Signed,
Aninymus Anonamus Unanimous

Dear Unanimous,
Well you’re a regular lil George W, aren’t you honey? Unless your family has interests in big oil companies and other shady business, my advice to you is “Hooked on Phonics”
signed,
Dear Abby

*gigglesnort* I guess I got a lil carried away, but this was too much fun. This is a great lil contest, Shelly. I’d play regularly even if there were no prize! Thanks for the giggle and stretch!

Dear Abby,
My goilfriend and I have been together for 88 years, but I can’t win her. She toys with my emotions by floiting with a brute named Bluto. I’m a good man, but she won’t let me “close.” She’s still a voigin (some might say “extra voigin”). What can I do?
Signed,
Popeye

Dear Popeye,
The good news is that if your slippery gal is still a “voigin”, she hasn’t given it up for Bluto either. Why not lose the pipe and pucker up for a kiss?
signed,
Dear Abby

Dear Abby,
I’m a starving artist and a tortured soul. Starry nights make me melancholy and sunflowers give me only fleeting joy. My friends have turned away, even my best friend Paul. Can you lend me an ear (preferably the left)?
Signed,
Vincent Van Gogh

Dear Starving Artist,
Paul’s morality is questionable, to say the least. You’re better off depressed in in the french countryside than lazing about with half naked island girls. Why not paint some haystacks? That should cheer you up. Use lots of bright colors.
signed,
Dear Abby
PS
Paul might be outselling you now, but just wait until you’re dead!!