I’m secretly addicted to Dancing With The Stars. Don’t tell anyone, because I’m one of those “television snobs.” I think that television is a medium rarely well done. I don’t want to watch the stars during their silly rehearsals, but I love watching them dance the finished product. Especially when they do the jive dancing. You see, I always wanted to be

I got to portray “Dancer” in a school Christmas play many years ago, but it was a non-speaking part, and being a reindeer wasn’t quite what I had in mind.

I wanted to dance like my Momma and Daddy. I’ve shown you this picture before, but it’s probably my favorite picture. To me, it’s an expression of pure joy. When Daddy came home from work each day, he took my Momma in his arms and swung her around the kitchen. Watching the synchronization of a couple who have been dance partners for years is mesmerizing. Without words, their bodies know what to do. My friend, Wayne, told me that Momma and Daddy are doing a step called “Sugarfoot” in this picture. How romantic is that?

I wanted to dance like them, but all three Fates conspired against me—more than one time.

When my friend Carol took dance lessons, I asked Momma if I could take dance lessons, too. I wanted to be like Carol, because she was beautiful and poised and self-assured. Momma’s response was, “You are so clumsy the money would be wasted.” The truth was that we didn’t have the money for me to take dance lessons, but Momma thought she was “teasing” me. I would have preferred that she tell me we couldn’t afford it. Momma didn’t intend to be mean, but her words cut me like a knife. Parent’s have to be careful of the words that they say to their children, because we never know which words they will take to heart.

It’s true that I was a gawky and gangly adolescent. Because I didn’t have much self-confidence, I didn’t seem very graceful. I was far from clumsy, but because she spoke those words, I believed that I was a klutz. Because I believed it, it was true. By the next year, we had more money and Momma offered me dance lessons, but I had lost faith in myself, and I refused them. Instead she enrolled me in piano lessons. You want to talk about wasted money?

I dutifully walked down the street to my piano lessons each week, but the mystery of making music eluded me. Then, my little sister decided she wanted to take up piano. She picked up a book of chords (no piano lessons for her) and learned to play chords with both hands. She was playing Heart and Soul and Boogie Woogie music while I was still trying to play scales! I gave up on the piano, because of sibling rivalry. And, I still couldn’t dance.

In the sixth grade, I dreamed of dancing with a certain boy. I had my first crush on a boy named William. Well, in truth, he wasn’t my first crush. I had been enamored of many men before him. I dreamed of dancing with them, too.
I never missed a chance to see “Cheyenne” on the television. My hormones went wild looking at Clint Walker. Oh my.

There was also James Garner in Maverick. I thought he was so sexy.

And, my “secret” crush was Richard Boone as Paladin in Have Gun Will Travel. I know he was craggy looking, but I liked it.

I’m sorry. I got distracted for a minute there.
Does it seem hot in here to you?

Back to William, who was my first crush on a human being with whom I could make contact. And, contact we made at a sixth grade dance. He took me out on the floor for a slow dance. Eek! We touched each other in public! I was so unnerved by stepping into his arms to dance (when I didn’t know how to dance) that I made a total fool of myself. William stopped in his tracks and laughed at me. He laughed at me! And, he said, loud enough for everyone in the room to hear, “Well are you supposed to lead or am I?” I was mortified! My “crush” had crushed me.

It wasn’t long after that when William dropped me for another girl who had “blossomed” more than I had. I didn’t care. I didn’t want him anyway (he’s an old guy now).

Looking back, I don’t know why his words affected me, but they did. After that, wild horses couldn’t drag me out on a dance floor for a slow dance during my teenage years. I was embarrassed to try.

Then, I married Mr. X. I thought that maybe we could learn to dance together. But, he didn’t want to dance (at least he didn’t want to dance with me).

So, I danced in the privacy of my own home, with no other eyes upon me, for the next 26 years of my life. I had no doubt that I could learn. I have rhythm, but I just don’t know “steps.” And, the Fates weren’t giving me any opportunities to learn them.

When Eric and I married, I knew he didn’t dance. I didn’t think anyone in the world was more embarrassed about trying to dance in public than I am, but I found that person. I thought I was doomed to a life of no dancing.

But, a couple of months ago, we went to a dance with some friends (just to enjoy the company, you understand). While there, we each tried dancing with other people. As long as we had someone to guide us, we both made passable attempts at the Texas Two Step. I even got the hang of The Dallas Shuffle, as long as I had someone to lead me.

Then we stepped into each other’s arms to dance. That was a whole ‘nuther story. We are both too tentative to be able to make it happen. I would like nothing better than to be able to synchronize dance steps with the person closest to my heart (he’s the only star I want to dance with). I was afraid that the Fates were up to their old tricks.

Wait! Maybe we have put one over on the Fates! Last weekend there was a silent auction at a banquet. My Sweet Spousal Unit bid on dance lessons and won! Dancing is in my future at last. Now if the Fates would quit filling up my calendar so we can schedule the lessons, maybe I can dance with my own personal star.

[UPDATE: We finally got to dance! I think we learned a “life lesson” at the same time.

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