For those of you who don’t know it, my name is Shelly Kneupper Tucker. Now, that “Kneupper” is pronounced like “new purr” or “nuper.” Imagine my surprise when I was browsing the aisles of Walgreen’s and found this ointment.
Nupercainal? It’s for hemorrhoids. So, you think I’m a pain in the what? I was a little bit embarrassed to buy this, but I just had to do it. I explained at great length my motives to the clerk who checked me out. I told her that I didn’t really need hemorrhoid ointment, but I was photographing it for my blog. I had to have it so I could bring it home to photograph for my readers. She looked at me like I was an ass.
The things I do for you! Well, I’m not really doing it for you. I’m doing it in the hopes of winning cold hard cash. That’s right. The Parent Bloggers Network and Sick of Lawsuits are sponsoring a Wacky Warning Label Contest. You can find out more about it by clicking here.
All you have to do to win $200 grand prize or one of three $100 prizes is to find a wacky warning label, post it on your blog before Friday night, and link back to The Parent Blogger Network (http://blog.parentbloggers.com) and Sick of Lawsuits (http://www.sickoflawsuits.com). Then, send them the link to your post – parentbloggers@gmail.com.
What qualifies as “wacky?” Well, PBN says “if a reasonable person wouldn’t do what the warning label is advising against, then it qualifies!“
I figured that a hemorrhoid cream would probably have a “wacky” warning label. Wouldn’t you think so? Well, you’re darn tootin’, so to speak. Read for yourself.
Was that too fuzzy? It warns, and I quote,” Do not use in or near the eyes.” Oh, yeah. Like hemorrhoid cream is my favorite color of eye shadow.
Now, I do know some seemingly intelligent women who claim that using hemorrhoid cream around their eyes will reduce wrinkles. I’m not sure they are being very reasonable.
Umm.
I don’t know how to put this delicately.
Perhaps with a few well placed mirrors those women should examine the area where this cream is supposed to be applied. I don’t think they really want to look like that. Besides, the stuff stinks to high Heaven!
This label also warns, I’m quoting again, “Do not use in infants under 2 years of age.” I just don’t know what kind of lunatic would do that. And what kind of infant is so anal retentive that they get hemorrhoids? I don’t want to be around that kid when it grows up.
Finally, it warns, “For external use only.” Dang. Do I look that dumb?
Don’t answer that one.
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That is so funny! I hope you win. Can you believe you saw that?
The warnings are so crazy anymore.
So…uh…if you don’t need the cream, you could…uh…send it to me.
(This is my third pregnancy. I know what lies ahead – or behind, as it may be – for me.)
I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but I’m one of the wacky women who has used hemorrhoid cream near her eyes…LOL..It stings a little, but it does work.
No pain, no gain??? I don’t know. Great post, Shelly! Too funny!
Jessica
I’ve heard that since this cream is formulated to shrink tissue, women have used it to reduce puffiness around the eyes. Sometimes, you hear just too damn much working in healthcare!!!
This was hysterical!
Hey Kids! I’m heading out the door to get on a plane, but I’ll catch up on comments while I’m vacating. Karen, warnings have always been crazy! Mothergoosemouse, you make me giggle (and wince). Jessica, Jessica, Jessica…what am I going to do with you! Lara, don’t believe everything you hear!!~skt
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the name is the best part! But to inform you, models use this a lot around the eyes – not for wrinkles – for what it is intended: reduce swelling. Have baggy eyes in the morning, this is the best stuff they say! Enjoy – L
Very funny post. Speaking of being anal, did you check to see how nupercainal got its name? Perhaps some long ago namesake who changed the spelling upon arrivaql here.
Now this is one of the funniest posts I’ve read in a long, long while!
Sick of lawsuits is the perfect tag. Remember that lady that spilled hot coffee in her lap and then sued McDonalds and won? Yep, bunch of idiots out there. Have a great day.
Well, Shelly, you’ve made me laugh again! Consequently I’ve named your blog as one of those that makes me smile. You can check it out here, but please don’t feel obliged to participate, as I know you are extremely busy. I’ll just be happy to know that I’ve helped others find your site, so that they too can enjoy your humour
Very funny entry. And, I never dreamed people would need a warning label to tell them the obvious about the eyes.
Great warning label! It’s been fun looking for the wildest and wackiest.