Is this not an adorable cat? Don’t you just love cats?

What?

Who said that?

I heard you! One of you said, “Yes, I love cats—let’s share recipes!”

I will not stand for that. So, I’m going to go sit down.

This is Walter Mitty. I’ve told you about him before when he suffered ear mites. I’ve probably mentioned that we also call him “Wyatt,” because he throws up hairballs all the time [Get it? "Wyatt Earp?"]. He is one of five fe-lions for whom I am a domestic servant.

Please don’t correct me, I know the word is “feline,” but they dream of more romantic stuff. They think they are lions in a vast jungle waiting to pounce their prey (which would be unsuspecting toes peeking out from under covers). Walter was named for the character in the James Thurber short story “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.” If you knew this cat, you would understand the reference.

He is my “needy” cat, the one who is so bonded to me that he can’t bear to be away from me. Especially not at night. When Walter was an itty-bitty kitten, he liked to sleep draped across my neck. I didn’t mind it so much, because he hardly weighed a pound. The older cats were mean to him, and he just loved his Momma, which I found rather endearing at the time since I was enduring a divorce when I got him.

Unfortunately, Walter still enjoys sleeping draped across my neck. He weighs somewhere between ten and twelve pounds now and he drools like crazy. As a menopausal old broad, I no longer find this amusing. In fact, it’s disgusting.

After our trip to California, this cat has been hanging on me like flies on a soda pop bottle. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in so long I can’t remember. When Walter climbs up to the pillow in the night and plops down on my neck, I sling him off the bed. He’s so hammer-headed that he instantly climbs right back up. Over and again all night long.

Don’t tell me to close him out of the bedroom. He can open doors. He jumps up and puts his paws around the door handle until it opens. Don’t tell me to lock him up, he yowls, and I’d never get to sleep.

Last night, I was having one of those weird dreams. I dreamed that I put Walter in the cat carrier and out on the back porch (even though we have coyotes!). In my dream, Eric kept feeling sorry for him and bringing him back inside. At that point in my dream, I woke up to find the cat on my neck again. After throwing him to the floor, I’d fall asleep only to have the same dream again. Finally, I gave up and got up. I’ve been awake since 2 a.m. and am only hoping I can take a cat nap this afternoon. Maybe if I can hide from Walter.

I think Walter has figured out that I’m about to go away for most of November. The cats hate it when I travel, and they hold down the suitcase so I can’t pack. I don’t know how Walter is going to get along without me. But, as much as I hate to travel alone, I’m looking forward to a couple of weeks in a room at the Hampton Inn with a Jacuzzi tub waiting for me at the end of the day and a King size bed with no cats!

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