I had lofty goals of posting every day during the month of November. I swore to myself that I would participate in NaBloPoMo. That’s what I thought I was going to do. However the internet connection at this hotel and my Muse (that creative force that drives me) had other plans for me. They conspired against me. It’s not my fault! She would give me no inspiration.
It’s true that the internet connection here here is not worth diddly, but I think that even if I were at home I wouldn’t have been able to stick with the plan. I have a most uncooperative Muse. As soon as She heard me say, “I’ll post every day,” She said, “Say Whut?” She raised her hackles and shouted, “Gal, you don’t tell me when I’m going to talk. Nobody tells me what to do. I’ll talk when I have something to say.”
I can’t argue with that wench. She’s unreasonable.
So, this blog fell silent. Then, I was embarrassed, because I didn’t do what I said I would do. But, I hope y’all realize I have no control over Her. I’m just a helpless human. I’m at her mercy.
I realized that a good poker player can look at the hand he has been dealt and determine whether to play the hand or fold. There isn’t any sense in playing a worthless hand. If you do, you are just going to lose. There is no shame in folding the hand; it doesn’t mean that you forfeited the game.
Since she wouldn’t talk to me, I had no choice but to work on the projects I had brought with me to this hotel and ponder the fickle nature of my Muse. Why won’t She just let me talk? Why won’t she just let me post something silly so that I can at least have a post? It got me remembering my childhood. Let’s see if She will let me tell you what I remember.
I was always considered the “shy one” in my family. I can look back on those days from this vast distance and realize that I was not shy at all. My siblings and my parents were loud and boisterous people. One had to be very assertive to be able to get a chance to speak; and if one did say something, the chances were good that no one would hear it. Everyone was thinking about what they were going to say next. I couldn’t get a word in edgewise.
I think that might be why I became a professional storyteller. I get to take center stage, the audience hushes and they listen! That’s pretty heady stuff for a person like me.
As a quiet child, though, I spent a lot of time listening and observing. Especially at family gatherings with the extended family, which had a very different dynamic. I noticed that the women and the men separated into groups in the evenings after the meal. There was a vast difference in the two groups.
The women chattered and clucked like hens in a barnyard. They talked about anything and everything, constantly interrupting each other. It seemed as if they just couldn’t stop their mouths from running. My Daddy called it “verbal dysentery.” Though they didn’t have much of importance to say, they said it all anyway. It was as if they were battling away the forces of silence with mindless babble.
On the men’s side of the room, they sat quietly amidst the swirling pipe smoke. When one man spoke, the others all turned their heads to listen. They pondered what he had to say. It seemed as if they only talked when they had something worth saying, and they always let another person finish a thought before they began to speak.
Do I have to tell you that I preferred the men’s side of the room? My grandfathers and uncles were laconic men. They only spoke when they had something to say, and they used as few words as possible to communicate their thoughts, but when they did talk their words were worth hearing.
I guess that’s the lesson my Muse was trying to teach me. Maybe NaBloPoMo isn’t such a good thing? At least it isn’t for me. I think I would much rather post something that I would want to read again, than put something on here just to be talking. What do y’all think? Should we declare a National Post When You Have Something To Say month?
I’ve folded my hand for NaBloPoMo, but I’m not out of the game.
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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
I kind of liked the women’s side, too – it was there that I learned of the inner workings of the women who surrounded me – I could listen as long as I was a quiet little mouse and they forgot I was there. Soon, however, one of the aunts would notice and I would hear those dreaded words: little pitchers have big ears.
whatever THAT meant – hah.
Working on the first of the two afghans, my friend. Hope to have them back in the mail to you by the holiday.
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I considered doing the NaBloPoMo thing and if you look at my archives you’ll see I’ve actually done it a time or two, but.. I’m like you in the respect when you got to do something it sure makes it a lot harder to do.
I award you with a free pass, nope no badge to go with it just a pass to excuse you from blogging when you have nothing to say.
Lately, I’ve had plenty to say just no energy to get the job done. Have I told you I have squares for you that I haven’t sent, ten or so from one of our care givers, one from a gal on the ranch and oodles that I’ve done. Why aren’t they in the mail , you ask? No tags! Geesh*&^?$#!! i get the lazy award for sure.
Thank you for this post. Since I started blogging in a more public forum, I have felt a pull several times to ‘just post’ something, even if my heart/head wasn’t ready. After reading your share, I am glad that I resisted the temptation to be a “good” blogger and instead listened to my interior voice and remained an “authentic” blogger.
I love your connection of your chosen profession of storyteller to your need/desire to be listened to as a child. Wonderful! Also, your realization that you were not necessarily the “shy one” but the more quiet one in a family of Loudies.
Once again, you’ve enriched my day! Thank you. junemoon
You know, I might post everyday, [I usually do] but I didn’t want to feel obligated to do so.
Some days I just don’t feel like writing; some days I honestly have nothing to “contribute”.
I would much rather read something that you want to write rather than something that you feel forced to write.
You know, I’d really been looking forward to doing NaBloPoMo this year, but life got in the way and I knew there was no way I’d make it. Considering all the grief my own capricious muse has been giving me lately though it’s probably a good thing…
I’ll be here to listen when you do post my friend.
I completely understand your Muse not cooperating…mine has been doing the same! I’m participating in NaNoWriMo and I’m quite stuck at the moment…you should see the pile of poo I’ve written lately! lol!
No problem…we’ll blame it on the wench!!
Darned good post! I didn’t try the write a post every day thing because I knew as soon as I did that, the urge to write anything would either fail me or there would be nothing coming forward in my mind! And then there’s the way I frequently run out of time during the 24 hour periods we are given daily and I do HAVE to get some sleep! Otherwise, I’d be doing ALL my reading and commenting at this hour of the day(night) every day(night).
Shelly, this makes so much sense, and yes we understand what you’re going through. I just wrote about NaBloPoMo running my life yesterday. There’s something about being “told” to do something that makes the muse just run away and hide.
I swear, I didn’t think it would happen to me; but it did; and based on the comments I’ve read on my post, it seems to be happening to all of us.
I was going to give that NaBloPoMo blog and novel writing thing a shot and then I realized that I just can’t force the creativity. In fact, the pressure of having to do something seems to make me less creative. I decided not to put that kind of pressure on myself espcially since I’m having trouble doing Thursday Thirteens and that’s only once a week! LOL
I think your challenge idea is a great one!
Jessica
One of the things about being an only child who moved constantly is that you learn to listen quietly until there is something to say. When visiting here, you have your wonderful stories, but if there is nothing new then that is okay too. It makes the anticipation even better. So listen to that muse. She probably knows what she’s talking about.
I was going to give the NaBloPoMo a dry run this year to see if I could handle it. Then I realized, the worst that could happen is I don’t make it. If I didn’t make it, know one was going to attack me so I went ahead and joined. The worst part for us, your readers, is we have less of you to love. But real life is usually more important, anyway.
I’m having muse issues as well, but mine has to do with NaNoWriMo. I’m not quite throwing in the towel yet, but it could happen sooner rather than later…oh well…when the muse takes a break, or decides it wants to tell stories about your exboyfriends on your blog, instead of a novel, what can you do?
I had planned on doing both this year, but the move and helping Leon study, just blew both of them out of the water… My poetry muse is having to be tamed, it could totally get out of control, but the rest just doesn’t feel like cooperating, I didn’t like where my novel was not going… so I found excuses not to bother, but there are 15 days left, grin.
I liked where you post went – since you are not out of the game.