Faux The Love Of Bacon

My sister sooo lied to me.

I knew she was capable of doing so from past experience (we go back a long way). However, I had hoped that in her age she would stop prevaricating. It was a vain hope. You would think that after fifty-some-odd years I would have the good sense not to believe her. You would be wrong.

She said, “I tried some turkey bacon and it was delicious!

Blasphemy!

“No really, it tastes just like bacon!”

In a pig’s eye!

“Try it you’ll see!”

Hogwash!

faux bacon

I tried it. For $1.29, it was a cheap way to prove once again that my sister speaks with a forked tongue.

First, let me assure you that it does not smell like bacon. Heck, the aroma of bacon is half the allure. I fry bacon just so the house will smell good. It sends me into ecstasy.

Second, there is no grease, so it burns easily. Once it’s fried, I admit it can fool you. If you have never seen real bacon! Maybe this turkey bacon stuff would be better if you fried it in bacon grease? Heck, cardboard would taste good if you fried it in bacon grease!

turkey bacon

Because I am such a rabid bacon fanatic, I felt it would be better if I had a more impartial judge.

Besides that, this didn’t look like anything I wanted to try.

So I called out, “Honey, I have some breakfast ready!” Poor unsuspecting “honey.”

whats this?

What’s this?” he asked.
“Ummm, it’s bacon,” I lied.

Did you fry the package

Ddjfrmpkj?” he mumbled. He later translated that to, “Did you fry the package?

Lets go eat at McDonalds

Let’s go eat at McDonald’s,” he said.

I rest my case. Yes, I proved once again that my sister is a bald-faced liar (though she, like me, is no longer so bald of face…we both have whiskers periodically sprouting on our chins).

But, oh what a cost. Now, my husband will never believe me again. And, I had to eat at McDonald’s.

  24 comments for “Faux The Love Of Bacon

  1. November 24, 2007 at 9:53 am

    If I tell you that Tofurkey looks like the real thing, will that work?

    I’m dumb, but I’m not entirely stoopid! Well, maybe I am stoopid, too. But, if you are talking tofu, wild horses won’t make me eat it. :lol:~skt

  2. November 24, 2007 at 10:21 am

    I can’t believe you fell for that. There is nothing made out of turkey that will taste like the real thing except for turkey. That stuff is gross, but you already know that now. Have a great day. 🙂

    I fell for it, but I tested it for all of you out there who never have! I thought I was doing a good thing :lol:~skt

  3. November 24, 2007 at 11:04 am

    Ewwww… My non-pork-eating mother used to try and serve us that stuff. Blech. Salted cardboard I tell ya.

    I was thinking about you as I posted this! 😆 I want to have a Bacon Festival, and get all of us there to sample the real deal. I gotta find some Applewood Smoked Bacon again. Did you find some on-line?~skt

  4. Marcia
    November 24, 2007 at 3:20 pm

    Love the photos… Just tell him the end justified the means, you HAD to protect all the bacon lovers out there who had good intentions at eating healthy. He just saved a lot of marriages and sibling relationships… though may be too late for your sister. What a wonderful man.:cool:

    He IS a wonderful man, isn’t he? And he doesn’t hate me for making him eat turkey bacon. He even bought me two sausage biscuits to get the nasty taste out of my mouth (I admit, I tried it) 😆

  5. November 24, 2007 at 4:23 pm

    I like turkey bacon, but we get the Oscar Meyer brand. Of course, we don’t pretend it tastes just like bacon. It’s a bacon-like product with it’s own taste.

    There is NO WAY to pretend this is bacon 😆 And, since I’m not fond of turkey, the only point to this exercise was to razz my little sister. Hey, for a buck twenty-nine, it was worth it.

  6. November 24, 2007 at 4:52 pm

    I’ve never tried it, and now I’m pretty sure I never will. Well I guess if someone else bought, made it, and placed in front of me I’d give it a taste. But other than that, thanks for saving me from a bad experience!

    You are so welcome, darlin’. I’m trying to take care of you. Don’t ever try it! Even for the low price of $1.29! My cats won’t even eat it. I’ve thrown it outside for the possums and coyotes. I’m betting it’s still there in the morning! 😆

  7. November 24, 2007 at 5:47 pm

    Thanks for saving me the trouble of trying it myself. I can’t believe your sister lied to you!

    😆 I can believe she lied to me! She’s been doing that for 50 years (well, 48). Yes, girl, don’t go get turkey bacon. It’s probably better than starving, but not much!

  8. November 24, 2007 at 8:48 pm

    I smell fake bacon!!

    “Faux” sure you do.:lol:

  9. November 24, 2007 at 11:38 pm

    OMG! My tummy so hurt by that post! that was so funny and I loved hubby’s look. Poor guy. Hahaha. I’m not much of turkey fan myself.

    Turkey’s nasty. And, yep. My spousal unit is pathetic when he wants to be, isn’t he? Don’t mistake it. He LIKES making faces for the camera.:lol:

  10. November 25, 2007 at 10:08 am

    Well it’s been awhile since I’ve stepped foot here, but I see nothing has changed. BACON! I know how you love it. Turkey is arriving where other fattening meats are favorites. Turkey bacon would be much better if it were encrusted like some other pork brands are, or marinated with seasoning. Just plain turkey isn’t very appetizing. I’ve lost a few pounds on the Turkey diet though. Nevertheless, I sure do miss bacon and juicy beef burgers.

    Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

    Yeah, the only thing stopping me from dieting is my love of fats. Or chocolate…or just about anything else. Congrats to YOU though. It sounds like your persistence is paying off! Good job.

  11. November 25, 2007 at 10:16 am

    I tried the turkey bacon once, too. I really thought it would be ok because I actually like the turkey burgers better than hamburgers. Maybe it’s an ok substitute for beef, but it doesn’t compare to pork at all!

    (I think the manager’s special tag should have clued you in LOL)

    Hope you guys had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
    Jessica

    😆 I wondered who was going to rub that “manager’s special” tag in my face! I should have known. ROFLMAO

  12. November 25, 2007 at 11:39 am

    I have to second the mention that Oscar Meyer is the better “bacon” if you’re going faux. I’ve gotten used to it, and actually like it… but you’re right, it isn’t a good substitute for the real thing.

    Yeah, My sister kept trying to tell me Oscar Meyer, but I was too cheap to try it just in order to razz her 😈 Besides, I didn’t really WANT to like turkey bacon. What would have been the fun in that? 😆

  13. November 25, 2007 at 6:02 pm

    I’ve never tried it and didn’t intend to… especially after reading this post! Bacon is p.o.r.k. – period! It’s the only way.

    It also cracks me up when people want you to try something and they say “it tastes just like chicken” Why is everything compared to tasting like chicken? What if you don’t like chicken? Obviously, you don’t like turkey – even if it’s supposed to taste like bacon LOL

    I don’t like turkey, but if you wrap it in bacon, it’s not too bad 😆

  14. jen
    November 26, 2007 at 5:56 pm

    Bacon is a reason for getting up in the morning, for crying out loud! We get our bacon from a local hog rancher. Happy, clean piggies, gleefully sacrificing themselves for my skillet. Mmmm…. LOL!

    Is that what you thought those squeals were? Gleeful 😈

  15. November 27, 2007 at 2:42 pm

    LMAO – she got you good! It’s like the time my sis lied to me and tried to convince me that a tofu hotdog was tasty if we topped it with lot’s of kraut and mustard….ya, well let me just say I’d rather eat my shoes!

    Fry your shoes in bacon grease! They won’t taste half bad 😈

  16. November 29, 2007 at 6:24 pm

    Was that the same brand she tried. Who makes it makes a big difference.

    Then again I don’t eat bacon. Nor any “like” meat products. Meat grosses me out, so eating products that are made to look and taste like meat don’t turn me on.

    I do, however, love love love the smell of frying bacon!

  17. Joy
    February 2, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    What a great take on an all-to-pervasive faux food! I heard recently that turkey bacon was actually worse for human consumption than the real stuff because of the tremendous amount of salt. I guess they need salt to make up for the lack of flavor, and why doesn’t that tell them something? And don’t get me started on tofurkey! Real is good. Faux/chemical/artificial is unnecessary and usually a complete waste of time.

    • February 2, 2010 at 1:17 pm

      Joy, turkey “bacon” was indeed a waste of time. I did, however, get a blog post our of it 😉

  18. Joy
    February 2, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    In your case, it wasn’t a waste of time. You were conducting important research for your readers, a public service even, so no one else need waste their time or buck & a quarter. I can see a movie that I didn’t much like and not be sorry that I went. The moral of the story is: choosing the authentic, the real trumps the faux & the pretender every time. A metaphor for life.
    .-= Joy´s last blog ..TWITTER CHANNEL =-.

    • February 2, 2010 at 1:36 pm

      I would love to make you believe that I was conducting important research 😆 Actually, I could predict the outcome and was just looking for a laugh. I am pathetic that way, and I don’t mind admitting it. I’ll go for the faux if it makes anyone giggle.

  19. Joy
    February 2, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    Testing is often verifying suspicions or simply what we know in our gut. It keeps us from shooting from the hip, unencumbered by facts. And humor fulfills two important buckets: confirming our humanity and making our opinions/ourselves enjoyable to others. Thanks for fighting the good food fight!
    .-= Joy´s last blog ..TWITTER CHANNEL =-.

    • February 17, 2010 at 5:00 am

      Oh yes, but testing turkey bacon is not good for your gut. However, I have done my darndest to prove my humanity … er … sort of.

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