Thursday Thirteen # 34. What Rattles Around in My Head

To tell the truth, everything is rattling in my head. The jackhammers have been ripping into my bedroom floor, and I’m reeling from the noise and turmoil. For Thursday Thirteen, I’m just giving you whatever floats to the surface.

1. Earlier this week, I talked about my Scheherazade Complex. It seems I never finish a story (I explained that Scheherazade didn’t finish a story so that her husband wouldn’t behead her in the morning), so I wrote a humongous update on everything I’ve talked about lately. I wanted to end it with the line, “I’ve finished all my story, so you can behead me now.”

2. But, it’s a good thing I didn’t. I had a man e-mail me and chastise me for not telling you more about Scheherazade (as if the post wasn’t long enough, and as if you cared). He proceeded to tell me the whole story of her and explain that Scheherezade wasn’t just a storyteller, but a hero. I wrote him back and didn’t say that there is no such thing as “just” a storyteller, and that since she was female she would have been a “heroine.” No, I bit my tongue and was polite. I told him that I was trying for funny and obviously missed the mark. Then, he wrote again and said, “Executions and capital punishment are not funny, even fictional executions, even here in Texas.” I did not tell him what my Daddy would have said: “You’d gripe if you were hung with a new rope.”

I didn’t figure that would set well with him.

3. After my experience with the plumbers and the jackhammers, I wanted to blog about “Thirteen Things That You DON’T Want to Hear The Plumbers Say.” My husband told me I couldn’t do that, because we hope to sell this money pit house one day, and a potential buyer might see it and back out of a purchase. If you are a “potential buyer,” let me assure you that this is a lovely house. I would be quite happy with you here.
[update: My husband just said, “I just wonder why I thought it was a good idea to buy a house from a person whose last name was “Onus.” It truly was!}

4. I’ve been called a “twit” before, but now I really am! I signed up for Twitter … I don’t know why. Are you a twit, too? If so, click that badge and “follow” me! I’ll click and follow you! We can have a parade, except that if I’m following you and you are following me, we will just go around in circles. I do that most of the time anyway. If you want to know more about Twitter, I found an article about Socialising With Twitter. I haven’t gotten to read all of it yet because I’ve been too busy to socialize, but I’ll get around to it.

5. Is that “following” business in Twitter like “stalking?” No, I don’t think so. Leanne has found a cool plug-in for WordPress blogs that shows the chatter of all the people she follows. I may have to get her help with that (did you see that link, Leanne?). A link is one way to get her to look.

6. I want her to look, because I want her to help me set up a sub-domain for “Dear Dora.” I’ve been channeling her. Dora, not Leanne. You thought Dora was “Dear Abby,” but it wasn’t, she just didn’t have any self-confidence. She’s Ann and Abby’s third twin. Dora wasn’t really “all there,” if you know what I mean. She always envied that Ann and Abby had advice columns, but never had one of her own. Poor gal. Anne and Abby never acknowledged her, because she was a bit of a twit. HEY! She can have her own blog, and maybe I can get her Twitter, too! That way you can always know what ridiculous thoughts have passed through her mind!

7. Jaime has been helping me search for a picture of her. I need something that I can use for free, of course.

8. She found this picture of “Dora, Abby, and Ann” in their younger years. Dora is in the middle.

9. Jamie said that this was Dora later in life.

10. But maybe this is Dora?

11. Or, this?

12. I just don’t know. Y’all help me decide…which would you choose? Or, have you seen a picture of her? If so, send it to me so we can make a choice. I just have to have Dora’s picture, you know.

13. And, Dora will have much more fun if some of you want to submit letters to her. Sure, I can write them, but I know some of you could, too, if you don’t have a lot of pressure on you. You’ve seen the letters people wrote to Dear Abby, haven’t you? You could write something like that. When I have the sub-domain, I’ll post your letter with Dora’s response and a link to you. Of course, don’t expect Dora to really solve any problems. She is, after all, half a bubble off plumb.

13. I never read the newspaper until it’s several days old. Dang. I found out too late that Paris Hilton was right here in Denton at the Sally Beauty Supply Headquarters. I am so disappointed. I could have met her and had a story to tell to Jessica The Rock Chick!

That’s what I can tell you, but I’ll probably put bits and pieces on Twitter throughout the day. Y’all come visit me another day. We can do lunch.

Other posts you might enjoy:

1. Thursday Thirteen #35. I Wish I Had Time
2. Thursday Thirteen Number Thirty-Eight. Potluck.
3. A Hollywood Writer Writes?
4. Thursday Thirteen #6 I Should Have Known Better
5. Thursday Thirteen # 15—Don’t You Just Hate It When…

Tagged as: humor, Paris Hilton, Scheherezade, Thursday Thirteen