I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:

Have you ever experienced jackhammers drilling through the foundation of your home? I’ve been waiting all day for the plumbers to show up, so I can have that delightful experience for the second time in a year. The only thing worse than “plumber’s butt” is waiting all day for them to arrive to show it to you! When I mention “plumber’s butt” around here, my delightful husband chortles, “Just say ‘no’ to crack!”

Some people have asked me if we are re-modeling. No. It’s a plumbing leak. If I were re-modeling, I’d have no cause for complaint. The mess would be my own fault. Believe me, it’s a mess, one that I would never intentionally choose.

Last year at this time, we got a plumbing surprise, and the plumber started in with the jackhammers before I had time to prepare. I was still numb from shock when they started jarring my house apart. By the time they were through, many hours later, my whole house was covered with a fine layer of cement dust. It seeped into cabinets and coated the dishes. It took months to get all the surfaces clean again.

Now, it begins again. This time, I’m ready for it (or as ready as you can be under the circumstances). If jackhammers are coming to your home, I want you to be prepared. Let me tell you a few things to know to help you prevent a mess:

1. Make sure that the plumber “tents” the area where he will be working if at all possible. That was our main problem last time. If he contains the cement dust to a smaller area with plastic sheeting, your mess will be much less at the end of the ordeal.
2. Take down any knick-knacks in the vicinity of that jackhammer! If you don’t, they will fall down of their own accord. We even took down mirrors, because we don’t need any more bad luck!
3. Remove as much furniture as you can from the area, and drape the rest with plastic sheeting.
4. Remove blinds and drapery in the area, unless you just really want to clean them. When I removed mine, I discovered that I had to clean them anyway, but at least I won’t be trying to remove cement dust, too.
5. Turn off the central heat and air conditioning unit in that area of the house, and cover the vents with plastic or tape.
6. Remove the blades from any ceiling fans, and bag the fixture with a garbage bag.
7. Tape off the doors to closets or other rooms, if you can.
8. Get yourself some earplugs!
9. Get some whine wine and try (just try) to relax!

Yeah.

Just try!

I want you to be aware of one other thing. Perhaps it will prevent you from having to endure this nonsense. I think you should avoid ever cleaning your house. It’s true. I’ve noticed a clear correlation between me polishing the paneling and the cabinets and plumbers needing to jackhammer through my foundation.

Coincidence?

You be the judge.

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