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Give Me No Lip

by Shelly Kneupper Tucker on March 3, 2008©

Editor’s Note: Poor Dora thought she had her own blog, but she has been “demoted” to space here. Shhh! Don’t tell her. She’s living in her own little world.

dora1

Let’s play a little game, shall we, Dear Readers?
I’ll count to ten, while you try to decide which celebrity sports these lips:

lips

  • one-mississippi
  • two-mississippi
  • three-mississippi
  • four-mississi…..
  • You cheated, didn’t you!

Well, of course, it is the lovely Julia Roberts! But, the poor dear girl has a problem and has written to me for advice!

julia-roberts

Dear Dora,
People make fun of my lips! They say that because I don’t have that little dip thingie in the middle of my lips that my lips are “duck lips!” I didn’t even know ducks HAD lips.

Should I get plastic surgery to make myself prettier?

Signed,
Pretty Woman

Dear Pretty,

We are proud of ourselves, now, aren’t we? You don’t need plastic surgery, for heaven’s sake. You’ve made a fortune on your looks (which aren’t “all that,” in my opinion). What more do you want? You Hollywood types are to quick to go under the knife. You start having surgery and you will end up looking like Joan Rivers! You could be featured on a blog for worst plastic surgery! Trust me, you don’t want that.

I’m not sure I want to help you anyway, because I’m still angry at you for dumping Lyle Lovett. Sure, the man has a face like a horse, and that hair of his is atrocious. But, he’s smart and funny and talented! You could put a bag over his head when you go to bed with him! Obviously, looks are the most important thing to you.

But, since you asked, I’ll try. That “little dip thingie” is your “philtrum” (from the Greek word for, “to love; to kiss”). It is a shame that you don’t have one. But, can’t you afford a lip pencil? Just outline those suckers and make them the shape you want them. Why, you could even have a “Cupid’s bow” if you wanted, though I just don’t think that would go well with the rest of your face.

I wouldn’t worry about what people say at all if I were you. You can just laugh that irritating braying donkey laugh of yours all the way to the bank.

Now, might I suggest a pair of tweezers for those eyebrows and a brush for that hair?

Kiss, kiss

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