rosittas last blog post..Wedding Anniversary

Life is not easy. Learn it, teach it.

Life is not fair, you make your own opportunities. Learn it, teach it.

Love comes around over and over and over and cushions every pain. Learn it, be on the outlook for it – when you need it, it’s there.

Honor doesn’t mean blind acceptance – it means Doing the Right Thing, subtly if it’s uncomfortable or less efficient to do it blatantly.

Ask for help when you need it – duh.

Collaborate. Folks who are respected as part of a process take ownership in the process – just think how some men keep the workshop or their truck spotless, but throw dirty clothes up on the top shelf of the closet to keep the closet floor clear. Hint: some of us ‘who are responsible for the laundry are short’ Solution: never look on the top shelf and anything up there gets washed by them what’s put it there.

Encourage the slacker to take ownership. My kids went through the most typical slacker phases from about age 14 to their 1st apartment. The apartments were sparse (low incomes) and precious (not living at home, woowoo!) and unless the roomie was a slob (and they were out at semester) the place was bright and spotless (until a dog was adopted, then it was his fault.)

So am I in balance? ummmmmm, maybe.

I is acknowledging my destiny. I has been up and I has been down – and up is better. Didn’t someone a whole lot more famous say that?

I laugh anytime I want, anyplace…even if I have to chuckle to be polite.

I sing loudly. I teach 9th graders so everyday has its challenges as I walk knowingly into the armpit of their lives. So while I may be the teacher they love to hate, I am privileged to hear dozens of stories each year of the most atrocious lives they are living. Because I care to the bone, when they are hurt, they tell me. That is a gift I cannot explain. So I work harder, teach meaner, demand more and stay later…because this is the life to which I was led. Because they will read my stories and tell me how to abbreviate properly for IMming. Because if I do my share, they will grow. Because I take ownership. I am not an employee; I am a beacon in the teen darkness. I am a ladder to the light. I am just a mom to anyone who needs backup.

So what price did I pay?

Two divorces: one from a fine fellow who wanted to live in NYC and does. I had a 3 month baby and refused to go at that time of life.
one from a fine fellow who suffered a breakdown. You’ve seen A Beautiful Mind? I didn’t need to. He abandoned one son and cant’ remember my name if we pass at the mall.

Cost 2: Learning to be mom and dad – two sons and a daughter. I had to coach soccer…and I’m short and hefty – not an athlete. I had to be a scout leader – but I love camping. Success rate? Two doctors and an architect who spent two years in the Peace Corps.

Cost 3: forgot how to play guitar, didn’t exercise enough to keep polio muscles strong,
forgot to take vacations on teacher’s salary,
need to repaint the house, ended up living in a place with limited civic theatre (my major in college), and didn’t see my sister in Canada for 18 years because she wouldn’t come to me since her kids wanted to go to warm beaches.

All in all – at 63, balance has always been a matter of choice. I could have packed and moved back to Texas. I didn’t have to be a teacher in a low-paying state. I could have been more active in Church and civic committees and looked for a new husband. I could have taken summer jobs.

But there were so many books to read and now, with no one in the house, so many stories to write.

Regrets: I would have liked to have done more acting and directing. I would have loved to design the panoramas in museums. I would have enjoyed seeing the Pieta in Rome.

Gee, none of these were worth belly-aching.
Imbalance is itself a gift – a moment of time moving so fast that we, as mere organisms, slow down. We are forced to take that extra breath, to endure infections that triumph over stress and fear and anger, to make hard decisions….because we are not immortals. Because tomorrows are limited and we are missing too many sunrises, too many grandchild kisses, too many inspirational scenes – we are missing the wonder of existing at all. We look away from a couple kissing goodbye at the airport; we ignore the thrill of seeing the way kids first hold hands; we don’t consider the inner sensitivities when we see the tears of someone who can only cry in the movies; we are more focused on laundry and meeting deadlines than at the pain of others who have fallen (literally and figuratively) and can’t get up alone.

We who have asked this question in the first place are capable of moving on – running track, increasing our protein, writing in journals, whatever it takes for us to purge the anger and the sense of injustices. Then we are stronger and can ‘move on.’

Too many in this world cannot.

Imbalance is a worldwide problem – who eats and who starves while we burn corn for fuel? Who thrives and who dies while antibiotics are not sent to the poor? Who abandons reason and who starts laughing at the curious paths life sends us on….and overcomes the devastation of sadness.

If the door you seek is closed, walk down the road awhile until another calls your name. Point to remember: you may not see it coming.

Thanks for asking

Kate Lacy
Fayetteville AR