“Your hair color is so BEAUTIFUL,” the twenty-something receptionist at the beauty parlor gushed. “Is that your REAL hair?”
Now, I ask y’all: what was I supposed to do with a question like that?
I’m a “woman of a certain age,” I had just come out of a beauty shop, my hair was sopping wet, and I DO NOT have a single gray hair on my head. I would have thought that such a question was totally unnecessary. You show me a woman my age who doesn’t have a single gray hair, and I bet she is as bald as a cue ball.
People, everyone should know that an older woman colors her hair because she doesn’t want YOU to know she has any gray–she wants to look younger. Let her delude herself!
No one would ask a woman if those were her “real boobs,” would they? Wait! Come to think of it, some folks might.
Have y’all noticed that people seem to have no qualms about asking invasive questions these days? I’m curious about “why” they think they can get away with it. Didn’t their Mommas teach them any different? Do they think that by prefacing a query like that with a compliment they can negate the downright rudeness of the question? Do they not think before they speak? Or, do they just not have the common sense God gave a goose?
There are some questions that everybody should know never to ask a woman who is a stranger to you:
- Don’t ask a woman her age.
- Don’t ask about her “real” hair color.
- Don’t ask if she has had any cosmetic work done.
- And, NEVER (under any circumstances) ask “when is your baby due” unless the woman has specifically told you she is expecting one!
What do you do when someone asks a question that you consider rude? Are you prepared with a “standard answer” or do you just get flustered?
Me? Sometimes I answer a question with a question. I smile sweetly, put on my most sugar coated Southern drawl, and ask, “Why would anyone as smart as you ask a rude question like that?”
Other times, I remind myself of my cat playing with one of those little salamanders that get in my house. Y’all have seen how a cat “plays” with a living critter, haven’t you? The cat bats at it and nips at it until it won’t move anymore. Then, the game is no fun and the cat moves on to other mischief, leaving their former “toy” helplessly struggling on the floor. My cats are never merciful enough to just put it out of its misery.
I don’t swat people with my paws, but I play verbal games with them until their mouths stop moving and they aren’t fun anymore. That’s what I did on the day I’m telling you about. I bet some of y’all knew I was going to finish that story I started.
I looked that little gal in the beauty parlor right in the eye, and shook my wet mane of hair. I grabbed a hank of it and gave it a tug. I wanted her to know I wasn’t yet senile enough to wear a wet wig. I answered the question she asked.
“Yes, it’s my real hair.”
“Is it really red?” she chirped.
At this point, I could not tell if the girl had caught on to the fact that I was “playing” with her, or if she really believed me. Glancing at my hair, I answered, “Your eyes do not deceive you. That color is really red.”
“Wow,” she said. “I can’t believe that’s your natural hair color. It looks so GOOD on you.”
What the heck did she mean by that? Was that some kind of veiled insult? I studied my “prey” for a moment. Sitting there popping her chewing gum, that little gal had the vapid expression of a cow chewing a cud.
I decided she didn’t have the brain to insult me. In fact, I figured that if doctors took an x-ray scan of that little gal’s head, all they would find in her brain cavity would be a couple of Q-tips she had used to clean her ears (that had fallen into the void).
I smiled at her through gritted teeth and said, “This is the hair color God gave me.”
“I wish God had given ME that color,” she said. Her eyes were as big around as dinner plates … she believed me! I couldn’t stand to lie to her. She wasn’t much fun; it’s never exciting to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person. Besides, I had other mischief to find.
As I turned to leave, I put her out of her misery. I called over my shoulder, “Yes, this IS the color God gave me. He put it in a TUBE. If you have a solid base of white hair, God will give you this color, too.”