As Smooth As A Baby’s Bottom

A couple of weeks ago, when I washed my hair, I found myself sighing with relief. “At last,” thought I, “I’ve found a hair conditioner that really works!” My hair is thick and wiry, with a texture that sometimes reminds me of a Brillo pad. But, that morning, it felt as smooth as a hank of unspun silk.

Then I grabbed a terrycloth towel. It felt as smooth as silk, too. I ran my hand on the stubble of my leg, and although I could see that I needed to shave, my legs felt smooth. Disturbed, I ran my hand along the texture of the wall … it felt smooth!

I simply could not feel texture.

I wandered aimlessly around the house touching everything that looked rough, only to feel nothing but silk. I walked across the rough plastic door mat I’ve put at the door of the cat room in the vain hopes of it catching the cat litter as the felines exit the room. It was then that I noticed I had the same lack of sensation in my feet.

Don’t ask me if I called the doctor. Of course I did. I’m not as dumb as I look. But my doctor works a strange schedule. She is only in her office for a half day on Wednesday and Thursday. Then she takes off from Friday through the weekend. I couldn’t get an appointment for that week. Because I was scheduled to tell stories in Boerne, Texas on the next Monday, I made an appointment for Tuesday.

Meanwhile, I thought through everything that I had done “differently” over the last few weeks. My skin had been dry and I had used a hand lotion that had vitamin E in it on both my hands and feet…but it was an old bottle, and the lotion had felt “weird” so I pitched it in the trash. I had suffered a cold, and had taken over the counter medications. Those were the only things that I could think of that were unusual.

By the time I was returning home from my trip to South Texas on Monday, I had another problem to consider: I seemed to have a UTI. I know that’s “TMI” but, I began to wonder if the symptoms were related.

On Tuesday, the doctor told me I was having “bladder spasms” with no infection. When considering the loss of sensation in my hands and feet, she ruled out the possibility that I had suffered a small stroke, because my problems were on both sides of my body. My hands and feet were almost withered looking because they were so dry, and my palms and soles were red. She said my hands looked as if I had a “chemical burn” and recommended using Neutrogena hand lotion (which at $4.87 for a 2 oz. container is pretty doggone expensive). She said to use it until my hands got supple again and then we could see if I still had the symptoms.

With that she sent me on my way for a very long holiday weekend.

Now, the next day, my hands began to peel. When I talked to my niece, she told me I had been exposed to a case of her daughter’s Scarlet Fever, and she recommended that I get a strep swab done. I was relieved to think that it might be something as simple as an undiagnosed strep infection. A round of antibiotics, and I would be good to go. Could it be that simple?

Nah!

Friday, I found a “Doc-In-A-Box” — an urgent care center — and paid a little visit. The strep swab was negative. That doctor looked at my hands, examined me thoroughly and then started asking questions. He decided to run some tests to try to figure out what in the heck is going on with me.

He had the nurse prick my finger to check for diabetes. She warned me before she poked my finger with the needle, “Gonna feel a little stick.” Like heck I did. I never felt a thing.

I don’t have diabetes.

Then, the nurse drew seven different vials of blood to run some more tests. The lab will check for everything from Lyme Disease to Lupus and everything else under the sun. I should have test results next week.

The Doc cautioned me that this could be something as simple as an allergic reaction to that darned old lotion I used. Then again, it could be something like a psoriasis associated with rheumatoid arthritis … or something else entirely. It could go away — or not.

So, I wait.

Meanwhile, I’ve discovered how debilitating it is to not have a sense of touch. I’m avoiding my computer (e-mails and all), because I cannot feel the keys when I type. Crocheting is difficult, because I don’t feel the yarn slipping through my fingers — so my stitches are uneven. It’s hard to turn the pages of a book.

I miss feeling the rough texture of a cantaloupe … the raspy roughness of my cat’s tongue (when he deems me worthy of his grooming) … the bristles of my husband’s morning facial stubble. It all feels as smooth as a baby’s bottom.

I guess it could be worse. It could all feel as rough as sandpaper. Though, at this moment, I would welcome feeling that.

Other posts you might enjoy:

1. Throw Away Your “Old” Lotions!!
2. Old Lotions Smell Like Witch’s Brew
3. A Moisturizing Treatment, Aerobic Workout, AND A Sparkling Bathroom
4. Only The Good
5. Smooth Sailing

Tagged as: health, lotion