Mr. Tucker finds our little old daily newspaper to be a boring read. Or, maybe he just couldn’t find his glasses.
I’ve taken a break from the internet for a few days, because Mr. Tucker had some vacation time. Supposedly it was in honor of my birthday. If the truth is told, it was because he works for a company that forced him to take his vacation time — while requiring him to work extra hours for no pay. Go figure! But, he has a job, doggone it — and that’s a good thing.
We traipsed around our neck of the woods on some day trips, but mostly we satisfied ourselves with hanging out at the house. We had plenty of time to do simple things like read the newspaper. Or, not.
Although my husband thinks our daily rag is boring, personally, I think it is anything but! I heard a bunch of sirens the other day, and never would have known that we had a robbery down at Zoom Zoom’s without that “Police Blotter” in our newspaper.
I told y’all about Zoom Zoom’s convenience store and even showed you a picture. It’s made out of petrified wood, and is one of our more “colorful” establishments here in Denton. Some idiot robber broke down a glass door, because the clerk was petrified and locked it. The thief came there “allegedly to make good on a promise to be back after he robbed the store three weeks ago.” He didn’t get anything (except caught), because breaking the door locked down the cash register.
But, I don’t just read the front page. I like the classified ads. Yep. You have to dig deep in that paper to find the good stuff. For instance, there’s somebody around here who is trying to sell “200 broken Arrowheads from Texas” for $300. Anybody need any? I’ll give you his number, but I think he’s trying to “stick it to you.”
You can read St. Patrick’s Day Greetings from one person to another. With my luck, somebody would send me a greeting on the day I used the paper for my coffee grounds before I read it. I don’t know why in the world they can’t just text the greetings.
Then, in the “Lost and Found,” there was a notice that somebody found a dog near the TWU campus. It was a “Female, 76 lb., St Bernard/Red Healer [sic] mix w/micro-chip belonging to a gray cat.” No wonder the poor dog got lost! That has to be one confused canine! And, Mr. Tucker wondered, “Were they trying to save money by recycling the micro-chip, or did that dog recently eat a gray cat?”
My favorite ad this week was in the “Employment” section. I’m not lying, the ad said: “A Denton/Collin County Company is looking to train 7 high energy people to replace 11 no energy people!” I don’t think I’d want that job. Obviously, that employer is working them too hard to give those people coffee breaks. He surely doesn’t let them blog at work.
Now, who could fall asleep reading exciting things like that? And, what in the world will we do if the newspapers go the way of Tyrannosaurus Rex? I need my newspaper … I don’t want my news from the internet! Face it, you can’t sprawl out and read with a computer — and Mr. Tucker would look as silly as heck with a laptop spread out on his face.
And, if there are no newspapers — how will I start a fire? What will I use to shine my windows? How will kids in small towns make the floats for their homecoming parades? And, what will we put in the bottom of the bird cages? How would kids ever know the answer to the riddle: “What’s black, and white, and read all over?” I shudder to think.
So, do y’all read the newspapers? If so, what section do you read first? Go grab your local paper and see if you can discover silly advertisements like the one in the Denton Record Chronicle.