You know what a “404 error page” is don’t you? When you read those words on your computer screen, it means that the URL (link) that you just followed took you to nowhere. You didn’t get where you intended to go. You have to backtrack and head in a different direction, because you didn’t find what you were looking for. You reached a dead end.
Yeah. Life can be like that 404 error page. The error page of my life is not a poetic error page and it’s not a funny error page (well, it’s funny sometimes). I wish it was as easy to make an amusing error page for my life as it is to make a 404 error page for a WordPress website. I’d make one that would get me back on track!
Some days, I run around hollering “404!” at the top of my lungs, because every time I turn around there is an “error.”
Bleary eyed, I staggered into the kitchen and turned on the coffeepot while I got a spoon to feed the cats their morning chow. The coffee pot is always ready to go in the morning, because one of us usually prepares it the night before (OK, usually it is my beloved husband who prepares it, but I fill in on the task when necessary). Without our morning coffee, neither of us can get motivating in the morning. I’ve told you before that coffee keeps me perking.
In the “cat room,” I noticed a decidedly unpleasant aroma. We have a ratio of five cats to three litter boxes, and those boxes have to be scooped regularly. I pride myself on the fact that even though there are five fe-lions, this place doesn’t smell like a litter box. You know how you can walk in some houses and immediately know they have cats, because you are assaulted by the smell? My house is NOT like that.
I sighed and grabbed a plastic bag so I could scoop the poop. I had shoveled out two boxes before I glanced down at that plastic bag I was slinging around.
The bag had a split seam on the bottom! Danged Kroger won’t give me quality plastic bags. I had to scoop it all up from the floor and then mop the floor. Crap.
After that nasty experience, I decided to take a quick shower … but a glance in the mirror told me I needed to wash my hair. My hair flows down to the middle of my back and is as wild and unruly as the Red River after a rain. I don’t wash my hair every day, because it takes too long to dry and using a hair dryer makes it look like a Brillo pad.
In the course of that shower, I got shampoo in my eye. Dang, that stings! I reached for the towel I normally hang over the door.
I didn’t hang a towel over the door! Blinded by soap suds and streaming wet, I climbed out of the shower and fumbled to find a towel to dry my eyes. Oh, man that is painful,
When the ordeal of the shower was complete, I was finally able to return to the kitchen to get that cup of coffee. Sniffing the air, I smelled the distinct odor of burning coffee.
The night before, I had ground coffee and put it into the filter … but I had neglected to put water in the coffeepot. The carafe was extremely hot and dry as a bone. I couldn’t put water into the hot coffeemaker at that point because it would crack the carafe, and I have no desire to go buy a new coffeepot. Phooey.
I decided that this was an excellent excuse to drive down to my favorite coffee house and get a mocha. Don’t y’all think I deserved a mocha at this point? Maybe I didn’t “deserve” one, but I needed one.
Not willing to risk the embarrassment of that other visit to the coffee house I related to you awhile back [Wear Clean Underwear], I got all “gussied up.” I put on a halfway decent outfit, made a stab at applying makeup, grabbed my purse, and headed to Jupiter House.
When I got to the counter, the barristas started making my drink without even asking what I wanted. They know. I needed to add some money to my tab, so I reached into that lovely red purse I got from Handbag Heaven to get my wallet.
My wallet was not in my purse! I got all in a dither standing there, but the gal behind the counter said, “Don’t worry, Shelly, we’ll put it on your tab.”
“You don’t understand,” I cried. “I’m not having a good day. I’m driving without my license and insurance. If I’m driving without it, sure as shootin’ I’ll run into a policeman!”
I didn’t notice the snickers from people around me as I grabbed my cup of coffee and whirled around to leave. I bumped into the man behind me and almost spilled coffee all over him.
Say it with me now: “404!”
The man behind me was one of Denton’s finest. Yes, he was an officer of the law! He grinned at me and said, “If you won’t spill your coffee on me, I promise I will forget I ever heard this conversation.”
I’m losing my voice from shrieking, “404!” I’m home now, and trying to get back on track. I’m trying to get off of this 404 Error Page that my day has become. I’d better start with cleaning the coffee pot.
Y’all can tell me about your own “404 day” if you’d like. It would tickle me silly to know I’m not the only person who has days like this.