Sometimes Life is Like a 404 Error Page

You know what a “404 error page” is don’t you? When you read those words on your computer screen, it means that the URL (link) that you just followed took you to nowhere. You didn’t get where you intended to go. You have to backtrack and head in a different direction, because you didn’t find what you were looking for. You reached a dead end.

Yeah. Life can be like that 404 error page. The error page of my life is not a poetic error page and it’s not a funny error page (well, it’s funny sometimes). I wish it was as easy to make an amusing error page for my life as it is to make a 404 error page for a WordPress website. I’d make one that would get me back on track!

Some days, I run around hollering “404!” at the top of my lungs, because every time I turn around there is an “error.”

Bleary eyed, I staggered into the kitchen and turned on the coffeepot while I got a spoon to feed the cats their morning chow. The coffee pot is always ready to go in the morning, because one of us usually prepares it the night before (OK, usually it is my beloved husband who prepares it, but I fill in on the task when necessary). Without our morning coffee, neither of us can get motivating in the morning. I’ve told you before that coffee keeps me perking.

In the “cat room,” I noticed a decidedly unpleasant aroma. We have a ratio of five cats to three litter boxes, and those boxes have to be scooped regularly. I pride myself on the fact that even though there are five fe-lions, this place doesn’t smell like a litter box. You know how you can walk in some houses and immediately know they have cats, because you are assaulted by the smell? My house is NOT like that.

I sighed and grabbed a plastic bag so I could scoop the poop. I had shoveled out two boxes before I glanced down at that plastic bag I was slinging around.

“404!”

The bag had a split seam on the bottom! Danged Kroger won’t give me quality plastic bags. I had to scoop it all up from the floor and then mop the floor. Crap.

After that nasty experience, I decided to take a quick shower … but a glance in the mirror told me I needed to wash my hair. My hair flows down to the middle of my back and is as wild and unruly as the Red River after a rain. I don’t wash my hair every day, because it takes too long to dry and using a hair dryer makes it look like a Brillo pad.

In the course of that shower, I got shampoo in my eye. Dang, that stings! I reached for the towel I normally hang over the door.

“404!”

I didn’t hang a towel over the door! Blinded by soap suds and streaming wet, I climbed out of the shower and fumbled to find a towel to dry my eyes. Oh, man that is painful,

When the ordeal of the shower was complete, I was finally able to return to the kitchen to get that cup of coffee. Sniffing the air, I smelled the distinct odor of burning coffee.

“404!”

The night before, I had ground coffee and put it into the filter … but I had neglected to put water in the coffeepot. The carafe was extremely hot and dry as a bone. I couldn’t put water into the hot coffeemaker at that point because it would crack the carafe, and I have no desire to go buy a new coffeepot. Phooey.

I decided that this was an excellent excuse to drive down to my favorite coffee house and get a mocha. Don’t y’all think I deserved a mocha at this point? Maybe I didn’t “deserve” one, but I needed one.

Not willing to risk the embarrassment of that other visit to the coffee house I related to you awhile back [Wear Clean Underwear], I got all “gussied up.” I put on a halfway decent outfit, made a stab at applying makeup, grabbed my purse, and headed to Jupiter House.

When I got to the counter, the barristas started making my drink without even asking what I wanted. They know. I needed to add some money to my tab, so I reached into that lovely red purse I got from Handbag Heaven to get my wallet.

“404!”

My wallet was not in my purse! I got all in a dither standing there, but the gal behind the counter said, “Don’t worry, Shelly, we’ll put it on your tab.”

“You don’t understand,” I cried. “I’m not having a good day. I’m driving without my license and insurance. If I’m driving without it, sure as shootin’ I’ll run into a policeman!”

I didn’t notice the snickers from people around me as I grabbed my cup of coffee and whirled around to leave. I bumped into the man behind me and almost spilled coffee all over him.

Say it with me now: “404!”

The man behind me was one of Denton’s finest. Yes, he was an officer of the law! He grinned at me and said, “If you won’t spill your coffee on me, I promise I will forget I ever heard this conversation.”

I’m losing my voice from shrieking, “404!” I’m home now, and trying to get back on track. I’m trying to get off of this 404 Error Page that my day has become. I’d better start with cleaning the coffee pot.

Y’all can tell me about your own “404 day” if you’d like. It would tickle me silly to know I’m not the only person who has days like this.

  17 comments for “Sometimes Life is Like a 404 Error Page

  1. April 16, 2009 at 4:39 am

    What a day you had – I hope today is better!

    Desert Divas last blog post..Manic Monday

    • April 16, 2009 at 5:32 am

      @ Desert Diva And, that’s only the first few hours! 😆 It’s gonna get better. At least I’m not carrying a club on my arm like you are! Thanks for the good wishes.

      @ Robin (Around The Island) You are TOO laughing at me…and I don’t care. I wouldn’t have told you about it if I didn’t want you to laugh. Now as for YOUR 404, I’m moved to tears. I completely understand frustrations about money! Hope you can get it deposited soon. Do you need me to send food?

      @ Robin (Here’s What I Don’t Get) It will get better. I think MY problem is that I’m scatterbrained. I don’t have to have anything “big” on my mind in order to not focus. It could be ADD, or it could …oh, look! A roadrunner is in my yard!

  2. April 16, 2009 at 4:42 am

    Oh Shelly, I am HOWLING with laughter over here, but I promise, I’m laughing with you, not at you. Believe me, inside I’m deeply sympathetic ;).

    My latest 404 moment? That would be when I forgot to submit my timesheet FOR THE SECOND PAY PERIOD IN A ROW, and had half the flippin’ world, including my big boss, cc’d on the e-mails that went around while they tried to figure out how to get a hard copy check to me, since I’d missed the direct deposit! Of course now that I’ve got the damn check I have no way to deposit it without sending it back to the US anyway…

    Stupid holidays always throw me off kilter. Sigh…

    Robins last blog post..Soft-shelled sea turtles and nutria at Nahal Alexander

  3. April 16, 2009 at 5:28 am

    I have A LOT of days like that.

    For me, it usually means that I’ve got something else big on my mind (even if I don’t know it) and so I’m not able to slow down enough (mentally) to remember the “details”….do you think that’s true for you?

    I hope it gets better. It will.

    Robins last blog post..Is that your final answer?

  4. April 16, 2009 at 7:26 am

    Oh Shelly! What a morning! And here I was thinking I was having a bad one myself. I can’t pinpoint any 404 specifics, but it’s just been one of those mornings that I felt pretty sure I should go back to bed about 2 minutes after I got up. So, I feel you!

    Hope it gets better!

    • April 16, 2009 at 7:35 am

      @ Karina. Feel my pain, but don’t feel me :twisted:. It’s all better now!

  5. April 16, 2009 at 10:14 am

    Haha I am super amused at you actually saying “404” to problems that you encounter that are not on the Internet. I guess that’s better than yelling expletives, though.

    My latest moment was when my car died because the battery needed to be replaced. And I was in a left turn lane. And it was during traffic hour. And since the battery didn’t work the hazard lights wouldn’t as well.

    Derek Wongs last blog post..Needs Blemishes

    • April 16, 2009 at 10:19 am

      @ Derek
      And, see…since you don’t cuss “404” would be perfect for a situation like that! I’m so sorry that happened to you. Yikes.:shock: The no hazard lights is the scariest part…but since you are commenting I guess you got out of it alright.

  6. April 16, 2009 at 10:35 am

    Laughing so hard at your expense that I’m crying. It probably the humor of recognition. The older I get the more “404 Days” on the calendar including the newest cat who has decided that sitting beside the cat box and pressing with his paw until it tips over and spills sand and contents all over the floor. I’m going to tell Chris to give him an extra spin with the laser light for revenge.

    Jamies last blog post..The BBC Book List

    • April 16, 2009 at 10:58 am

      @Jamie
      You can laugh at my expense. It’s my job to be the butt of the jokes. Now watch it with your laser light and the cats, or you will have another “404.” In playing with my buds, I got them excited & the knocked over a can of soda. But, that was me…maybe that won’t happen to you!

  7. April 16, 2009 at 12:01 pm

    Oh, Shelly. I am laughing at you, make no mistake! The great thing about laughing at you (aside from the fact that it makes my day look sooo much better), is that you always manage to relate these kind of things in such a humorous fashion that it feels okay to laugh about it! You sure can paint a picture with your words, girl! (I bet that cop had a cute butt! At least, he did in my visualization of your story!)

    Thornes last blog post..Recycled Materials for Art Mosaics

    • April 17, 2009 at 7:48 am

      @Thorne, perhaps I didn’t paint a very good picture 😆 Short, squat, square, bald, and bespectacled. Is that better? 😆

  8. April 16, 2009 at 1:38 pm

    You must be famous at that coffee house by now!
    I don’t have any 404s that good, but I have been cleaning up kitty messes all week, so I can relate to that one. My daughter asked why I bother cleaning the bathroom every time he messes it up, why not just wait till he’s not a kitten anymore, then clean it all up one time. I told her it had to be done, no matter how often, that it’s a sign of depression to give in to filth(I was really lecturing myself, to keep my morale up). After the 50th time I scrubbed the floor,and the walls, and the cat pan,(and after finding his secret pee spot on the curtains behind the piano) I decided the weather was warm enough to kick the little dear outside! Now you know why our kitties get eaten!
    PS, What kind of litter do you use?

    Sarahs last blog post..Name That Kitty!

    • April 17, 2009 at 7:45 am

      @Sarah. I am famous everywhere 😆 I am a legend in my own mind. Do I have to admit that I use clay litter? That’s next on my list of going green. That kitten is too cute to get eaten! 😯 Now I’m going to worry about him night and day! What did you name him? Do I get a poem? I should go check, eh? And, are you trying to make me feel guilty by telling me you are watching to see if I answer????

  9. April 16, 2009 at 1:40 pm

    Oh, I forgot to check the follow up box.

    Sarahs last blog post..Name That Kitty!

  10. April 17, 2009 at 8:37 am

    This reminds me of my step-son. When he came to Canada he couldn’t speak a word of English. BUT he was a video game addict. We were going for a walk down the street and he wanted to stop and go back. He didn’t know the word for STOP, but he did know the word CANCEL, blurting this out. Strangely enough I understood what he meant.

    Steve

    Steves last blog post..FOOTPRINT FRIDAY – I Saw The Light

    • April 17, 2009 at 8:43 am

      @Steve “Cancel” is good, 😆 When I notice myself screaming “404,” I find it odd that just a few years ago I knew nothing about computers. It would have been “Greek” to me. I wonder if that’s why people look at me with an odd expression — or could it me that they just think I’m a maniac?
      That was rhetorical 😈

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