So, have y’all seen that Dateline NBC show, “To Catch A Predator?”
You know the one: that guy Chris Hansen sets up a sting to catch slimeballs who talk to teenage girls on the internet and arrange to meet them for a “good time” (wink, wink). Oh, Chris Hansen is merciless, isn’t he?
Last night I saw that he has another sting going in order to catch lottery scammers. He is catching store clerks who tell people that their winning lottery tickets are worthless, then pocket the tickets and cash them in for themselves. Stealing a person’s lottery winnings? How low can you go?
Now, I think it’s wonderful that the scum like those are being taken out of business, but somehow I feel sleazy watching the shows. I know that NBC is just creating these shows for the ratings. And, Chris Hansen makes my skin crawl. Sure, he looks like a decent fellow — but his interrogations are savage, and I’m willing to bet that he enjoys making people squirm!
Can you imagine being friends with a man like that? Worse yet — can you imagine being his teenage daughter?
In my mind’s eye, I see a scenario like this:
[Sugardoodle comes bopping into the living room unaware.]
Sugardoodle: “Hi, Daddy, how was your day?”
Hansen: “Where have you been? It’s after 4 o’clock and you were supposed to come straight home from school.”
Sugardoodle: “Ummm. On my way home from school there was a lot of traffic. Why is that camera man in the living room?”
Hansen: “Have a seat.”
Sugardoodle: “Awww, Daddy.”
Hansen: “Sit right here on the couch. Do you know who I am?”
Sugardoodle: “Oh, puhleeeeze!”
Hansen: “I’m Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC, and I have a videoclip I’d like to show you. [pulls a portable video player from pocket of jacket] Do you recognize the young woman in this video?”
Sugardoodle: “What the … Daddy, that’s me! Is that the bowling alley? Did you have a camera at the bowling alley?”
Hansen: “That’s right. Look at this clip. That’s you, isn’t it?”
Sugardoodle: “Daddy! You know that’s me! I’m talking to Cindy Sue!”
Hansen: “Actually, the person you know as ‘Cindy Sue’ is a Dateline Undercover Investigator. Her real name is Margaret, and she is a twenty-four year old Criminal Justice undergraduate masquerading as a fourteen year old decoy.”
Sugardoodle: “What??? That BI… [expletive deleted]! This can’t be! I’ve known her since fourth grade!”
Hansen: “This has been an ongoing investigation. Now, as you can see, this film has a time stamp across the bottom. Can you tell me what that says?”
Sugardoodle: “OK…OKAY! I stopped off at the bowling alley on the way home, but I swear I wasn’t going to do anything wrong!”
Hansen: “I’ve heard that line before. What was going through your mind when you stopped at the bowling alley? Did you think you were going to get away with it?”
Sugardoodle: “Oh, please, Daddy … stop the camera. Do you have to film this? I refuse to be on tape with this crap.”
Hansen: “Well, just answer me this: did you know that what you were doing was wrong?”
Sugardoodle: “Can I leave? I mean am I free to go?”
Hansen: “Certainly, just walk right out that door, I’m not going to stop you.”
{Sugardoodle rises from the couch and exits down the hall. From offstage, a woman’s voice is heard]
Woman’s voice: “Wait a minute, young lady! You aren’t going anywhere!”
[Hansen turns to face the camera with a smug, self-satisfied grin.]
Hansen: “As a result of this investigation, another teenager has been apprehended. Sugardoodle is now in the custody of her mother. She has been found guilty and sentenced to two weeks of being grounded with extra duties of cleaning the cat litter boxes and emptying the garbage cans. For Dateline NBC, I’m Chris Hansen.”
[theme music, up and out]
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{ 4 comments }
“Makes my skin crawl” is how I feel about this guy. Only saw him once for a few minutes…pretty creepy stuff.
Poor Sugerdoodles.
How do you come up with these names?
Sheilas last blog post..In Praise of My Photographer
Poor Sugardoodle!
I have a TV. I have a 40″ High Def TV with stereo sound and a classy recording system. If you came to my place, you’d think we watched a lot of TV and were “in the know” about all the latest.
But I don’t watch the drama series, the sitcoms, the reality shows, the documentaries, the comedies or the movies, well, maybe a few movies once in a while). I watch mindless sports. It passes time and allows me to sit in one spot and actually stop moving long enough to rest my weary overworked muscles and bones.
Your description of this program, even though in parody, makes me think I don’t miss much. Thanks for the heads up.
Spadomans last blog post..The Old and the New
While there are some situations the NEED to be brought to the attention of the general public, the local news can do an OK job of it. Drama tactics don’t make it my book. And poor Sugardoodle (how DO you come up with these names?)… if he were my dad, he’d have a textbook concussion… roll the tape boys, Daddy’s is getting just desserts.
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