Just Call Me “Scissorhands”

Or you can just call me “Eddie.”

Scissorhands

OK. I realize that these aren’t “scissors,” they are hedge trimmers. But, I feel as if I’ve been pruning a yard the size of a football field with a pair of scissors for years. Our old hedge trimmer was a piece of junk. It couldn’t even chew through a blade of grass.

I have one particular bush in my back yard (out of hundreds) that annoys me terribly. It’s evil. It keeps growing for the sky and blocking my view of my unkempt yard! I can cut it down a foot, turn my back, and when I turn around it has grown three feet in the space of a nanosecond. I only leave it in the yard because the wrens like to hide in it. The one time I cut it back to a nub, I decided to leave well enough alone! A wren was trying to evade a hawk and aimed for cover it thought it had.

I’ve been keeping it pruned with shears, but it looked awful. I was complaining about it, so last night my husband went to Home Depot and brought me back this present. Now ordinarily I would puff up like a toad if I were given a gift from my beloved that had a warranty card. I explained to him the rules of gift giving when we first met:

• Special occasion gifts should never be appliances or tools.
• If you ask me what I want for my birthday, and I say, “Oh, nothing” that translates into “Make it something good!”

My hedge trimmers are good! They are the finest gift he could have given me (today). I’ve been out this morning working in the heat, trying to stay acclimated to it. I’ve only dashed inside to write this. Now, I’d better get back outside and make like Edward Scissorhands. I promise to leave a habitat for the birds.

Anybody need a haircut?

Other posts you might enjoy:

1. Make Like A Tree And Leave
2. Hole-y Mole-y! It’s Kinetic Art!
3. Dandelion Whine
4. Only The Good—It’s For The Birds
5. I Don’t Do Windows

Tagged as: birds, Gardening, humor