Heaven or Hell? 654 Miles of Yard Sale!

I guess that could be heaven for someone like me (a confessed garage sale junkie) except that it runs from August 6-9, is in the Deep South (can you say “hotter than blazes?”), and even I get weary of garage sales after about the third one in a day.

It’s time for the 22nd anniversary of the extravaganza billed as The World’s Longest Yard Sale, although I think it is officially called The Highway 127 Yard Sale. I don’t care what kind of spin the producers of the event put on it, I just can’t believe that there could be enough “good stuff” to make the trip worthwhile.

Imagine, if you will, one yard sale after another through Alabama, Georgia, Tennessee, Kentucky, and Ohio. That’s mile after mile of the following:

• Quilts piled with Beanie Babies, tags still attached (because they are collectibles), but obviously smeared with peanut butter and jelly.
• Partial sets of chipped China.
• Faux antiques.
• VCR tapes of old shows like Dukes of Hazzard.
• Partial sets of thirty year old Encyclopedia Brittanica.
• “Gently worn” baby clothes, car seats, baby toys, baby beds, strollers, etc. ad infinitum.
• Broken lawnmowers that would work “real good with a little fixin’.”
• Rusty tools.
• Knickknacks that were ugly when they were new.
• Worn bedding, towels, and stained lace doilies that are “antique.”
• “Self-help” books for a quarter that obviously didn’t do the trick for the first reader.
• Barbies, My Little Ponies, Monopoly games with the money gone, puzzles with pieces missing…
• Rack after rack after pile after pile of clothing in need of cleaning and repair. Clothing that was never in style and belongs in the rag bag, because even the Salvation Army wouldn’t take it. No homeless person would be caught dead in them.

Did I miss anything? I think you’d lose me in Alabama. Yep. I’d find a Cracker Barrel Restaurant and sit in the air conditioning, eat a chicken fried steak, and browse through the shelves of the brand spanking new ugly knickknacks.

Then again, maybe not. Because I am a garage sale junkie, and I might find some kind of treasure! I’ve found them before, so I know that the treasures are out there. At some point, though, that treasure isn’t worth the pain.

If you are thinking you’d like to travel the length of this yard sale and wade through the trash find some treasures of your own, you’d better make some hotel reservations! Rent a big U-Haul, so you don’t have to leave anything behind. Take cash, because those folks don’t take American Express. Take plenty of snacks and cold drinks (and save the cans because restrooms are hard to find … ahem). Don’t forget the mosquito repellent, because the skeeters in the South are as big as chihuahuas.

I won’t see you there, but you can write to me and gloat about the treasures I might have found if I had been there with you.

Other posts you might enjoy:

1. Garage Sale Time
2. Only The Good—The Unkempt Yard
3. Make Like A Tree And Leave
4. All The Signs Are There
5. Only The Good—It’s For The Birds

Tagged as: garage sale, humor, travel