Today I get the dubious joy of having my fingerprints taken. Supposedly this will prove to schools, where I perform by telling stories for little urchins, that I am not a criminal pervert. Personally, all I think a criminal background check proves is that a person has never been caught. I’d blog this experience for you, but it would mean that I had to manicure my fingernails, and I’m just not in the mood. These last few weeks I have been staring at the face of reality as I have dealt with my storytelling job, and I have concluded that reality bites.
In the beginning (twenty-seven years ago), storytelling was a dream come true. My Muse is the one who got me into the job, and I thought she knew what she was doing. If you have never visited my blog before, The Muse is the creative voice that speaks inside my head. She is one of many voices talking in my head, and sometimes it’s quite a cacophony! However, The Muse’s voice is usually loud and clear.
She told me long ago, “Ooooh! Shelly, let’s be a professional storyteller! All we have to do is open our mouths and gems will fall out just like in the fairy tales! We can enjoy the accolades of adoring audiences, we can make a living doing something we love, — and we won’t have to be a secretary like Momma!”
The Muse is inclined to be exclamatory!
In the beginning, She was correct. Twenty-seven years ago, when I got hired for a gig, a school librarian called me and said, “I will pay you X dollars to come and tell stories to the children.” I said, “Cool.” I showed up and told stories, she handed me a check, and everybody was happy.
Then, I had to get more “professional” and have a signed contract; usually, it was a simple one-page agreement that I devised. The librarian signed it, I signed it, I showed up and told stories and got a check. Everybody was happy.
The last couple of years, that has changed. School districts want to use their own contracts (four to ten pages written in “legalese”). They want me to get signed up as a “vendor.” I have to fill out “conflict of interest” questionnaires. And, now the State of Texas requires that they do a criminal background check on me. I go tell stories, and a month later I have to start badgering the districts to write my check. I am not happy.
I rarely get paid on the day I perform. School districts have a “policy” that prohibits them from doing that. I have explained to them that Kroger expects me to pay on the day I get my groceries, but I might as well spit in the wind. You can’t argue with bureaucracy. “Take it or leave it,” I’m told.
Nowadays, I fill out a mountain of paperwork for every single performance. In fact, last week I timed the effort I spent on one contract and realized that it took me more time to fill out the paperwork than I will spend telling stories! It’s excruciating.
Perhaps that is why, a few years ago, The Muse had another bright idea. She said, “Ooooh! Shelly, let’s be a professional blogger! All we have to do is tap the keys and gems will fall out just like in the fairy tales! We can enjoy the accolades of adoring audiences, we can make a living doing something we love, — and we won’t have to be a secretary like Momma OR put up with this paperwork! We could even get a screenplay written, and Meryl Streep could play us!”
The Muse is a toad. I’m not listening to her anymore.
I tell you all of this to explain why you might not see very regular updates in the next few weeks. Although I have finished most of the paperwork for my fall performances, it has put me behind on my rehearsal and writing. I won’t post an Only The Good tomorrow, because the “good” news is that I will be cracking the whip on that Muse and making her rehearse stories!
If you enjoy reading, put me in your feed because I will probably mumble a bit. Blogging is too addictive to put it away entirely. Visit my Archives … there are more than 800 posts on this blog! Or, you can watch my Posterous account. Chances are good that I will post there because I can literally “phone it in.”
So, I’m off to prove I’m not a criminal and to rehearse and write stories. Y’all take care and know my thoughts are with you.
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
You may need to trade in that muse on a slightly more practical model. The kind who will suggest that you make CDs of your best stories and sell them to unsuspecting parents who wander in here for a visit and go …. Oooh Shelly, I didn’t know you made recordings .. gotta have that.
That kind of muse.
Jamie´s last blog ..A Man and His Dog
To volunteer for a field trip you now have to be fingerprinted. I agree with you about the not getting caught. It’s a strange world that we are now in, and all the changes have not been good.
But when the paperwork is all done, it’s still the children that you will be impacting. Those are the gems that will soak up your gems!
Hope to hear some of your traveling abbreviated tales while off storytelling.
Jennymcb´s last blog ..Open Apology to the Young Driver I Irritated
Sheesh! In one day’s time I learn that David McMahaon of Authorblog is hanging up his blogging and now, you’re gonna be cutting back too. But not to worry about losing me as I’ve had you on my reader for a long, long time now and plan to continue keeping you in that slot as long as you plan on even just occasional forays into blogland!
Peace -and go practice hard now too. Oh and I thought Jamie’s suggestion about making CDs sounded like a pretty good idea!
Jeni Hill Ertmer´s last blog ..Lost Time
Definitely you should make a DVD. That’s so I could get it over here on the edge of the continent