Haunted by Ghost Radar

I’ve had my iPhone for a year, and resisted all temptation to download any “apps” that were not free. I know myself well, and I could get addicted to the little games that Apple offers for that phone of mine. But, I caved.
Yesterday, at the suggestion of my friend Thorne, I shelled out 99¢ for one called “Ghost Radar.” Yes, I know it’s silly, but I’ve already gotten 99¢ worth of enjoyment out of it.

You can visit the link above to get the full scoop on it, but here is a little bit of their blurb about it:

Ghost Radar employs a proprietary algorithm to analyze the quantum flux … Readings for various sensors on iPhone/iPod are analyzed to detect QUANTUM Fluctuations. Interpretations of the sensor readings are displayed graphically as blips on the radar along with numeric and textual readouts. Use your Ghost Radar to hunt for odd changes in the flux. Hunters of all types may find anomalous areas of their environment where readings simply can’t be explained. You be the judge. Are the results of your hunting evidence of paranormal activity?

Did y’all just read that and think, “Do what?” So did I. I couldn’t understand a single word they were saying, so I asked my husband (who is fluent in “Technical”) to translate it into a language I can understand. He’s from California, so he doesn’t speak “Texan.” I asked him to translate it into “Blond,” because for some reason we can both speak that lingo, although we do have problems with pronunciation sometimes. As with any foreign language, I can understand much more Blond than I can speak.

He said that what they mean is:

The app has, like, this thingie that sees ghosts and, like, other scary stuff. It sees dead people! And, it, like, let’s them TALK to you!

Cool!

Now, I know y’all think I’m crazy anyway, but I have good reasons to download this application:

1. For blog fodder. I got an e-mail saying that NaBloPoMo is using the theme “haunted” this month. If you are not a blogger, NaBloPoMo is a community of bloggers who decide to post every stinkin’ day in a month. I’m not going to do that, because I’m a bit frazzled right now, but I like the theme. If you are a blogger and want to join in, go to the NaBloPoMo site to sign up.
2. To mess with my friend’s head. I’m going to stay in a haunted hotel with my friend Judy at the end of the month, and we are going on a ghost hunting tour of San Antonio. I intend to milk this application for all it’s worth! Don’t y’all tell Judy, OK?
3. To increase my “cool factor.” I’m going to be telling ghost stories to middle school students later this month, and when they crowd around to talk to me, I intend to whip out my iPhone and show them that little old ladies can be wild and crazy, too.
4. I’m weird. That is the only reason that really counts.

I downloaded the application and discovered that it has a radar screen, and occasionally there are colored “blips” that show on the screen. Supposedly, these are the energies, or “entities.” The colors range from blue (not very strong) to green (a little stronger) to yellow (stronger still) to red (throw down your phone and run!).

Around the screen, there are numbers that keep changing all the time. I’m not sure what those numbers mean. But, at the bottom of the screen there are sometimes letters scrolling across. I think this is supposed to be the entity trying to communicate with words. Now and then, a mechanical voice says a word out loud and makes me jump our of my chair! According to the website, “Ghost Radar attempts to translate the quantum flux readings into an ENGLISH spoken word.”

I sat in my living room giggling over this application, as blips of every color swarmed on the screen. Now and then, my phone spoke random words, but they didn’t make any sense. “Wooden.” “Maybe.” “Tim.” “As.” “Sail.” “Build.” Does that make sense to you? It didn’t to me. I walked over to a curio cabinet filled with family heirlooms, and that voice on my phone said, “Child.” I was pointing it at some antique toys from the 1800s!

ooooEEEEEooooo!

The Ghost Radar website suggested trying to talk to the entity, so I said, “OK, ghost. IF you are there, say ‘cat.’ You could do that …IF you are there. If you say ‘cat’ I will believe you are there.” It didn’t. It said all kinds of other random words. I got bored and turned the phone off. I needed to plug it in to charge the battery (Ghost Radar does seem to suck that battery dry).

When my husband came home, I turned it on to show him. I told him, “It never would say ‘cat,’ and I think it’s a bunch of bull.” Just then, my large yellow tomcat cried for his supper … and my phone called out, “Cat.”

Yikes!

I played with that application through the evening, until my husband’s eyes glazed over, and then turned it off. I was still laughing about it … then. Later that night, alone in my office, I decided to try Ghost Radar again. I was sitting in the darkness, with only the light from the computer screen and my iPhone.

I glanced down at the phone, and there were dozens of RED lights on the screen. Then that mechanical voice said:

Holy Cow! I turned off that phone and paced the office, trying to reason with myself: “It’s a toy, Shelly. Nothing more! It means nothing!”

To prove to myself that I am not a chicken, I turned the phone back on and pulled up the Ghost Radar. Again I saw all those blinking red lights. I looked at the letters that ran across the bottom of the screen and saw:

Have y’all ever looked at my by-line at the top of the post? My last name was once K.N.E.U.P.P.E.R!

“Oh, Fudge!” I squealed. “I’ve got a ghost who knows my name, but can’t spell it!”
[OK, that's not exactly what I said ... I'm "fudging" about that ... but you get the drift.]

The hairs stood up on my neck, as my phone said:

“I.” “Don’t.” “Freakin’.” “Think.” “So.” I haven’t turned on that application since then. Oh, sure I intend to use it when I go to San Antonio, because I simply have to show how cool I am. But, I’m never turning it on when I’m alone again … and after I have proved my coolness, I might even take it off of the phone.

I’m haunted by that Ghost Radar. I know it’s on the phone and I know it’s just a silly game …

… or IS it?

Do you have Ghost Radar? What do you think?

Related posts:

1. Is Ghost Radar Real, Or Am I A Half-Bubble Off Plumb?
2. Scaring Ourselves Silly in San Antonio
3. Ghost Busting At The Menger
4. An Organ for your Pocket
5. There Is A Worm In My Apple: Bookworm!

Tagged as: Ghost Radar, Ghostly--Mostly, haunted, humor, iPhone