Roomful of Rocking Chairs

In the twenty-some-odd years that I have been telling stories, I can count on one two hands the number of times that I have had “stage fright.” I have to admit that at this very moment I finally understand a phrase my Papaw always used: “I’m as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.”

Over the next two days, I’m being filmed with my spinning/weaving/storytelling programs in front of a live audience … what exactly do people mean by “live” audience? Has anybody ever been filmed in front of a dead audience?

I digressed. Sorry, I do that a lot.

What I’m trying to say is that I’m experiencing the jitters, but I don’t think it’s about the performance itself. Audiences don’t frighten me; in fact I thrive on their energy. Cameras, on the other hand, are totally unforgiving. I’m told that five cameras will be pointing in my direction. I knew I should have lost that fifty pounds! If you ever see the video and think I look overweight, remember that each camera added ten pounds.

I tried on every outfit in my closet to try to find one that would disguise my “fluffiness.” With each try, I paraded before a full length mirror and decided, “No … my butt makes this skirt look big.” I have no idea what I will wear in the morning. Maybe my pajamas.

I’ve also been “rehearsing,” but not the stories I will tell. I’ve been practicing trying to see how long I could:

• stand up straight (yep, I’ve always had poor posture).
• stand still (I pace like a caged lion when I tell stories).
• not make faces (when I tell, I look like a parody of Jim Carrey).
• suck in my gut (I should have borrowed a corset!).

It’s going to be fine. I’m sure I’ll enjoy it much more than I think I will. For now, I think I’ll crawl into bed early so that I can have nightmares about all the things that might go wrong.

• The spinning wheel could kick the drive band and stop working.
• The weaving loom could malfunction.
• A thread could break and I might let slip a cussword on live television.
• I could forget the story.
• The fabric draped on the mannequin might slip, causing third graders to go into fits of embarrassed laughter at the sight of her uncovered bosom.

Naaaaah! None of that will happen.

Will it?

Related posts:

1. Frazzled
2. A Cook Can’t Have Too Many Potholders
3. Spinning Out Of Control
4. I Love Fairweather
5. Don’t Fret

Tagged as: black and white, humor, photographs, photos, Storytelling