Dandelion Whine

Y’all know about my Muse, don’t you? The “inner child” who speaks to me and helps me write? She’s having a wall-eyed hissy fit right now because we have been slaving in the garden for days, and she is bored with the job. Here is the conversation that has been going on between us:

I don’t wanna go out in the yard today! You can’t make me go out in the yard. Don’twannadon’twannadon’twannadon’t…

Hush, Muse! It doesn’t matter what you want, we have to finish cleaning the back yard before we can do anything else.

Can’t we just write on the blog? I have lots of ideas for posts!

Last week, you couldn’t wait to get out in the yard! You begged me to let you outside to play.

This isn’t “play.” You tricked me! This is labor!

Look at it this way: all this hard work is making muscles. Why, I bet when we get through with all this we’ll have Michelle Obama’s arms.

Michelle needs her arms! She has a big load to carry in the White House, you know. And, I like wimpy arms! Let’s go eat chocolate … or bacon … or chocolate covered bacon!

It’s not going to happen. We have work to do. There are still a ton of leaves to gather, we have limbs to cut, and there are weeds to pull.

Weeds are just flowers that grow where you don’t want them to grow! Besides, I admire their tenacity … they grow in spite of you … and I like anything that spites you. Beside,those aren’t “weeds” — they’re dandelions! You kill them, that makes you a murderer!

If we don’t pull the dandelions, the yard will be covered with them. What will the neighbors think?

They’ll think, “Aw look! Shelly has a yard full of pretty yellow flowers.” Besides, who cares what the neighbors think! You love dandelions! Don’t you remember?

Remember what?

Remember when we were kids? We got up at the crack of dawn and crept outside through the front screen door to go into the yard. We were in our pajamas … you know … the ones with little hearts all over them.”

That was our underwear.

Whatever. But, anyway, like I was saying before you rudely interrupted: First, we walked the sidewalks and turned over all the helpless roly-polies that got stuck on their backs with their little legs waving in the air. Remember how we talked to those itty-bitty doodlebugs and they talked back? Then, we wandered through the grass admiring the dandelions! If it had gone to seed, and looked like a little puff ball, we made a wish and blew the seeds everywhere. Sometimes, we even got our wish! If the flower had just bloomed, we looked for “tickle bees” to catch in our hands and listen to them buzz. You liked dandelions then. Let’s go catch tickle bees!

The tickle bees have probably mated with the Africanized killer bees and would maul us to death.

Well, that would make a good story …

Yeah, but we wouldn’t be here to write it. No more whining, Muse. We are going to clean the yard and that’s that.

You are so mean to me. You never let me have fun anymore. I should run away and never come back!

Okay. Maybe I am being too hard on you. Tell you what: if you help me get the yard cleaned this morning, I’ll let you watch television this afternoon.

Oh! Oh!oh!oh!oh!oh! Can I watch Merlin on the ScyFi channel? That guy that plays King Uther is hhhhot! Didn’t we fall in love with him when he did those coffee commercials?

Yeah, that’s Anthony Stewart Head, and he is “hhhhot,” but we are married.

We’re not dead.

First, we have to clean the yard.

Get me my sword and shield and my trusty steed! A suit of armor wouldn’t be so bad either, because there is a lot of poison ivy … but on with it! Let’s murder some dandelions! I’ll do anything to defend my King!

That’s my girl. Sometimes all it takes is the right inspiration.

Other posts you might enjoy:

1. Make Like A Tree And Leave
2. Only The Good On Good Friday
3. Just Call Me “Scissorhands”
4. Hole-y Mole-y! It’s Kinetic Art!
5. If Wishes Were Horses

Tagged as: Gardening, humor, muse