A Bag Lady Again

Some projects are more exciting just to think about. That’s what I discovered when I decided to crochet a grocery bag out of plastic bags! It seemed like a delicious irony to use up all those plastic bags. I said I was going to do it … pronounced it in public … so I had to finish it. If I didn’t, I would hear my mother’s voice in my head telling me, “Just like your father.”

I did it!

One jillion plastic bags -- recycled.

But, I declare I’m never going to crochet another! Y’all hold me to that, you hear?

Now, I know that despite my best efforts, somebody out there is going to decide this would be a “fun” project and start one of these crocheted bags. Before you do, let me tell you the scoop:

I love to crochet and feel the slip of the fine yarns through my fingers. It’s a pleasurable tactile experience. Plastic is not fine yarn! Crocheting with plastic is very hard on your hands. I have arthritic fingers, and it was not an enjoyable experience to manhandle those plastic bags. If you insist on making one of these, first stock up on Tiger Balm!

What seemed like a mountain of plastic bags didn’t go very far at all! The handles on this bag are two inches wide. One row of double crochet for two inches took more than one plastic bag! Sure, it’s using up the plastic bags, but I didn’t have enough at that rate — because I only wanted white ones. That meant I had to find more plastic bags!

I found myself every stinkin’ day down at the Kroger Store with my fanny in the air as I leaned over their recycle barrel to dig for white plastic bags. The stares I got from people were absolutely mortifying! After the first couple of times that I tried to mumble an explanation, I gave up because people acted like I was crazy. In fact, I told one woman, “I lost my mind down there and I’m trying to find it.”

One old woman must have thought I was a homeless person. She clucked her tongue in pity and offered me a quarter to “go get yourself a cup of coffee, Dear.” Two things I know from that experience:

1. I should dress better when I go dumpster diving.
2. That little old lady hadn’t bought a cup of coffee in a long while!

Don’t get me wrong. I adore the bag I made, and I’m glad I finished it. It will get good use. I don’t plan to use it for groceries, because the sackers always feel they have to fill a bag full and I’d never be able to carry that sucker. Instead, I will use it for a “gig bag” when I take my spinning wheel to schools. It should hold the spinning and weaving tools I carry to display.

“If” I were to ever get crazy enough to try to re-use those plastic bags again, I would weave with them. The product from the weaving would be lighter in weight, would not be so difficult to manipulate, and wouldn’t need so many bags!

“If” a frog had wings it wouldn’t bump it’s butt on the ground. No “ifs, ands, or but(t)s” — I’m not going to make another of these!

Other posts you might enjoy:

1. Am I Doomed To Trash This Project?
2. No More Excuses For No Grocery Bags
3. Re-thinking Recyling
4. Going Green At The Grocery
5. Give Me No Lip

Tagged as: crafts, environment, frugality, humor, recycling