Probably not a single one of you would ever consider getting revenge on anyone. I doubt that you have a mean streak. But, if you do and you want to annoy a gardener, have I got an idea for you! There is an innocuous seeming plant called “lyre leaf sage” that you can give to them as a gift. They will think you are such a kind-hearted person! They will plant it in their garden and think of you for years. Trust me, they will curse at you before too many years pass.
Insidious and evil, but beautiful.
Here’s how I know:
When I moved into my husband’s home, the “gardens” were an unholy mess. They were a tangle of vines, weeds, and quart-size pots containing the skeletons of dead plants that never got into the ground. Bless his heart, gardening is not Mr. Tucker’s forté. He will mow, edge, and trim the weeds … but all of those require power tools (boy toy’s). I’m certain that he knows how to use a shovel, because I’ve persuaded him to dig up monkey grass and poison ivy. However, left to his own devices he will avoid actually planting anything. I’ll happily forgive that small idiosyncrasy.
Heaving dramatic sighs, I gathered all those pots of dead plants into a pile. Then I saw it … one tiny, pathetic plant clung to life! “Oh, God love it,” I thought, as I tenderly planted it in a garden spot I had cleared. “Don’t you worry, little plant, Shelly will save you!”
And, I did. I nurtured that plant and it flourished. Within weeks, it blossomed with a stalk holding tiny purple flowers. Each of those flowers spread seeds that sprouted and made plants before the month was out. Those flowers made seeds … that sprouted within weeks and made seeds that … do you see where this is going?
By the next year, those little purple plants had spread far beyond the flower beds. They grew everywhere! They began, choking out the Asian Jasmine and the St. Augustine grass. They popped up in the cracks of the sidewalk. They even sprouted in the rain gutter on the roof of the house! Oh, Heck no!
Finally, I had a gardening friend identify the plant for me. She said, “Oh, that’s Lyre Leaf Sage! It’s a hardy Texas native and great ground cover.”
Ground cover??? Now you tell me. I might as well have planted kudzu vines! Six years later, my gardening chores consist primarily of digging lyre leaf sage out of the ground before it blooms and makes babies. The last several weeks have been a battle of epic proportions … and I’m losing the war.
So, like I said, if you want revenge on a gardener you can just give them a tiny pot of lyre leaf sage. You might also give them a copy of Virgil’s epic Roman poem the Aeneid, so they can learn about the Trojan horse and learn to beware of an enemy bearing gifts!
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{ 6 comments }
I think we have some plants that look sorta like that scattered around the backyard. They haven’t spread though; my black thumb kills anything I try to “officially” take care of. Hmm….I will have to take a closer look. I thought they were weeds.
.-= Elizabeth´s last blog ..Book Review – "The Best for You" =-.
A “weed” is anything that grows where you don’t want it to grow! Trust me that you don’t want lyre leaf sage to grow … unless you have a junk car you want it to cover. I think it could do that!
The same can be said of bamboo. Three tiny elbows produced a massive jungle in my backyard in just a few years, then spread to the neighbor’s yard. He put down a vertical barrier three feet deep, and it eventually sent out shoots that found their way underneath it. I always felt so badly about that. It never seeded, so at least is wasn’t growing out of the gutters. Such a staggering will to reproduce!
Oh, you are right! Bamboo is crazy! However, I would recognize it and know not to plant it
. The little plant just seemed so helpless! Who knew it was a survivor? I’m almost ready to try slash and burn.
My friend Elaine gifted me hummingbird sage, which has similar tenacious/invasive properties. So I sold her my house, and the sage-ful garden is now ALL HERS.
.-= Shannon´s last blog ..Is Estrogen Out of the Doghouse? =-.
My kinda gal, Shannon!
That’s better revenge than mine. Anybody want to buy a house?
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