A totem pole towers in front of his home on the cliffs over Mendocino. Don created it with his own hands when his children were small back in Ohio. One day, he saw a telephone pole that looked like it needed a raven on top, so he pulled out a knife and began to carve. Though they left it behind on their move to California many years ago, his children were able to find it, buy it, and have it shipped to him as a surprise for his 70th birthday. To me, the creativity of that totem pole is a symbol of the man.
As my husband and I stood sobbing, staring up at the carving, we began to laugh with delight. Three black ravens swooped low over the house and circled lazily overhead. To us it seemed a sign that they had come to carry their brother’s spirit away.
My husband’s father was an amazing man. Don led what he called an “unusual and truly magnificent” life and was known for the joy and grace with which he lived and the scope of his knowledge and interests. He was born in Hertford, North Carolina, and educated at Duke University. In his youth he worked as a soda jerk, a juke box repairman, a volunteer firefighter, a pilot in a flying circus, a charter boat sailor, and also completed two tours of duty with the U.S. Navy. After graduating from Duke, he worked as a biologist with Carolina Biological Supply, then as a chemist with Proctor and Gamble and the Clorox Company. He rose through the ranks of the Clorox Company from plant manager in Kansas City and Cleveland to Group Vice President in Oakland. He retired in 1979 and had a brief and successful career as a corporate consultant.
Don Tucker was a man filled with grace. He had insatiable curiosity, bubbled with creativity and ideas, oozed with Southern charm, wit and wisdom. I cannot find enough ways to say all the good things about my father-in-law, and can find no flaw, though I’m sure that, like any human, he had them. Though he never lost his soft Tidewater accent, he adored his adopted home of Mendocino and worked tirelessly to support community causes. The people here return his affection ten-fold.
I would tell you that for many years Don has battled cancer, but his wife would tell me, “Don said it wasn’t a battle. He didn’t fight, he just did what the doctor’s told him.” So, I will tell you that he stared cancer bravely in the face and did not back down. His optimism, strength, and good humor in the face of adversity amazed me.
Don lost that staring match with cancer Friday morning. His children and many of his grandchildren had gathered from around the country to be with himand his beloved wife, Wilma, at his bedside. In his final hours, each got to talk to him a bit and he recognized and acknowledged every one of them. Though he was too weak to speak, they knew his heart. His spirit passed peacefully in the night, and there was a smile upon his face.
As I listen to his children talk, weep, laugh, and reminisce, I see the powerful legacy that this marvelous man has left. Each of them carry traces of the man in their character. His spirit lives on in them.
I did not know him long enough to have all those memories, but it is Don’s laughter that I will carry in my heart.
As I watch the waves crashing on the rock and hear their thunderous roar, I’m sending thoughts to those ravens circling. I hope they guide Don safely home.
Other posts you might enjoy:
Comments on this entry are closed.