Top Ten Signs You’ve Hired A Bad Defense Attorney

In my defense, let me say that I didn’t start this conversation. Let it also be noted that I have had no need for a defense attorney to this point (Honey, put the lid down on the toilet so you don’t make me a liar!). My nephew, who is an attorney, and also has a deliciously wicked sense of humor, put this thread on Facebook. I’ve discovered that if you want to hear a good lawyer joke, ask an attorney … they have a million of them.

My nephew listed only one sign, and it had me rolling on the floor. I told him, “OMG, if that’s #10, what’s #1? Dying to know!” He said that he didn’t really have a list, that the incident in question had happened that morning … but they were just kidding around (likely story).

Mr. Tucker and I enjoyed the topic so much that we started adding to the list. After much debate, we have chosen our favorites. The ruling is final (unless you can come up with something better). We moved my nephew’s quip to 1st place … actually, numbers 4 and 7 were also my nephew’s contributions. So here goes (drumroll, please):

#10: The name on his law degree is written over white out.

#9: His office is in the corner of his parent’s laundry room.

#8: Addresses the trial judge as, “Dude.”

#7: Consultations frequently interrupted by his brothers Tito & Jermaine calling to ask for money.

#6: The nickname “Texas Hammer” was taken, so he calls himself “The Texas Screwdriver.”

#5: Puts an ad on Craigslist stating: “Specializing in solicitation cases, flexible payment options *wink*, *wink*”

#4: Website boasts a “win your trial or the next one’s free” guarantee (capital murder cases only)….

#3: Enters your “not guilty” plea with air quotes.

#2: Stops in mid-trial to tweet the proceedings.

And the #1 sign:

[Disclaimer: Although inspired in part by a true incident, the previous story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event. If you note a resemblance to your own defense lawyer ... good luck!]

Some of you might be chomping at the bit to add your own contribution to this list. Feel free to do so, but keep it clean!

Other posts you might enjoy:

1. Sisterhood of The Grappling Pants
2. All The Signs Are There
3. Thursday Thirteen #47. Signs of a True “Roadhouse”
4. Grocery Shopping Simplified
5. Making A List And Checking It Twice.

Tagged as: humor, lawyers