Some mornings, I have to begin by seeking humor in order to face the world. Does that ever happen to you? This morning I pulled out a book of quotes and flipped to the page with observations by Steven Wright. Do y’all know him? He’s that sardonic comedian with the deadpan delivery that is so slow that you think he is asleep. His humor seemed like the right stuff to brighten my day.
Wright looks at the world with a skewed eye, and sees the absurdities that most of us miss. Every time I’m exposed to his work, I find myself going out into the world and looking for “Wrightisms.” For instance, at the drive through ATM I noticed that the keys had letters in braille. I thought, “Hmm. A drive through for blind people — that explains Dallas traffic.”
Here are thirteen of his quotes for this Thursday, along with a short clip of one of his stand-up routines (because it’s more fun to watch him deliver his lines than to read them). It brightened my morning, and I hope it does yours.
- Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don’t get it.
- I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
- I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
- I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.
- Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
- If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
- If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
- It doesn’t make a difference what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.
- It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to paint it.
- Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
- What’s another word for Thesaurus?
- When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
- Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn’t happen.
Since I know there will be more dreary days ahead, do you have any suggestions for comedians whose material would brighten my mood?
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“Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.”
Yes, my Sweet Spousal Unit (SSU), I like that one, too
What a funny coincidence: My husband and I were just two nights ago talking about Steven Wright, wondering where he’s been, what he’s doing. He’s one of my all-time favorites. One that always comes back to me is this one: “If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn’t everyone just move 10 miles away?”
Love the video … and the 13 funnies!
I laughed so hard while I was reading this post and watching the video that my sides hurt.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I love a good laugh
Lisa, & Brenda, I’m glad it gave you a giggle. He always makes me laugh!
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