After a day of toiling (telling stories), I came home to discover that my husband was going out to a business dinner. That didn’t bother me too much, because it meant I didn’t have to move off my lazy rear to cook.

Then I found out that the suppliers were taking him to Master Grill Churrascaria! It’s a Brazilian style restaurant that is supposed to be marvelous. I turned green with envy.

You see, I wouldn’t know if it’s marvelous or not, because I have never had the privilege of eating there, although the same suppliers have taken my Sweet Spousal Unit to another restaurant like it (I should become friends with these suppliers, I think). I have heard the tales of an orgy of eating with waiters prancing around the place with skewers of meats that have been slow roasted over an open flame. The meals are expensive, and you can eat all you want. I think the primary goal is to eat until you can’t move and the waiters roll you out to the sidewalk.

I sent him on his merry way and settled down to “feast” upon a meal of cold leftovers, hastily gulped, while brushing off some of my stories for the gigs I have this week. I didn’t mind a little peace and quiet after a hectic day.

He returned to tell me of the experience. The man ate so much, that he was looking a little green! He regaled me with a saga of bacon wrapped jalapeños, bacon wrapped chicken, bacon wrapped steak, bacon wrapped shrimp, bacon wrapped lamb, bacon wrapped pork, and bacon wrapped bacon! In an agony of BACON LUST I fell to the floor writhing and weeping.

Wicked man!

My SSU smiled sweetly, and said, “But, honey, I did bring you a dessert…”

My tears spewed forth anew.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. “It’s key lime pie. You like key lime pie!”

Through a steady stream of tears, I whimpered, “Yes, but is it wrapped in bacon?”

I had a vision. There was applewood smoked bacon sizzling in my black iron skillet. I could smell aroma of the bacon, I could hear it pop, I could almost taste it! It was so real!

Now, this sent me into a tizzy, because in reality I didn’t have any applewood smoked bacon. I can never find it here in Denton.

My local Kroger store had it for awhile, but not many people bought it, so they stopped carrying it. That’s crazy! Applewood smoked is the best tasting bacon I’ve ever had. Let me tell you, People, I’ve had a lot of bacon!

I had no choice but to go on a Bacon Quest. The place to do it was in my old stomping grounds. I went to Colleyville, Texas to visit the fancy schmancy grocery store called Market Street. The store’s motto is “we make every day a culinary celebration.” If I could find the bacon I wanted, I definitely intended to celebrate!

I marched into that store and made a beeline for the bacon aisle.

This is what heaven looks like in my dreams, my friends. There was Mesquite Smoked Bacon, Maple Flavored Bacon, Hickory Smoked Bacon…

What??? They didn’t have applewood smoked bacon! I was crushed. Devastated!

But, I got over it quickly. Heck, while I was at this upscale market, I decided to cruise the aisles and see what I could find. I don’t get out into the “wide world” much, and there is always something new worth testing.

I found this:

Hemp bread?? Notice that this Hemp Sprouted Bread claims to be “high protein, high fiber.” “High,” indeed! I had to buy it, in the interest of investigative blogging! Besides, I missed out on the 60s.

Unfortunately, I later discovered these words on the back of the package:

We feel that hemp has suffered from a case of mistaken identity-hemp is not a drug, nor will it get you “high.” It is an environmentally sustainable economically viable, ANCIENT WONDERCROP.

Oh get real. I already knew that! I wasn’t buying it with that intention. I don’t need to get high, I’m silly enough as it is. Besides, my body is a “temple.” Bacon, chocolate, and coffee (with an occasional glass of ale) are about all I need to survive.

I’ve cooked with hemp seed and hemp oil before. It’s supposed to be healthy, and I was wanting to offset my bacon intake. I realize I’m going to have to do that, as much as I don’t want to do it.

This bread is quite delicious, actually. I had a slice yesterday with olive oil on it, and had it for breakfast with peanut butter. I’d buy it even when I wasn’t wanting to be silly.

Though there were many other items at the store that caught my eye, I was still deflated about not finding applewood smoked bacon. I happened to mention that to a woman working at the bakery.

She got a puzzled expression on her face and said, “I know I’ve seen it. Let me check for you.”

That angel dashed to the meat department, and in a section apart from the rest she found the “organic” meats.

TA DA! Bless her heart, she found what I needed!

Yes!

Now, that bacon is sitting quietly in my refrigerator waiting for me to decide what to do with it. Have you ever seen a calf when it’s chewing and it has slobber all over it’s face? That’s what I look like as I sit here pondering.

My friend Matty has suggested visiting the site called Bacon Unwrapped, which looks to be a good source of ideas. I also found a website called The Bacon Show (which promises “ONE BACON RECIPE PER DAY, EVERY DAY, FOREVER”). I’m sure I’ll come up with something. You can bet that I will talk about it.

Do you have a bacon recipe I need to try? Tell me about it, or write a post and I’ll link back to it.

I gotta run. I want to go gaze at that bacon.

When we get invited to a party, I’m always stumped about what to bring. I’m usually asked to bring “some little snack,” I guess because people don’t trust what I might cook. Not all of our friends appreciate down home cooking. My repertoire of Hors d’oeuvres recipes is limited, and most of them involve intensive labor. That just doesn’t “set” well with me. Did I ever tell y’all how lazy I am?

Usually, I rely on a quick trip to the local grocery store to get a fruit platter or veggie tray. I bring that home and put it on one of my fancy platters so people think I took the time to put it all together for them.

I’ve found something that is almost as quick! It’s lots tastier, too, because it involves my favorite food: BACON! The only ingredients you have to buy are pitted dates and bacon. If there are vegetarians in the crowd, let them bring their own Hors d’oeuvres!

I told you about the art walk we took in McKinney, and how we ended up at a tapas bar (stop it! I didn’t say “topless!”). One of the dishes we ordered was grilled dates wrapped in bacon, and they said they were as simple as they sounded.

I decided to try them. I got some pitted dates and a pound of maple smoked bacon, since I couldn’t find applewood smoked, and could hardly wait to tear into it.

At the restaurant, they said all you do is wrap the pitted dates with bacon and grill them, but I decided to experiment. We don’t have the grill going yet this year, so they were going to get broiled. And, I had some almonds and some gouda cheese, which I decided might make great “stuffing.”

I tried the dates three ways:

• plain dates wrapped in bacon.
• dates stuffed with an almond and wrapped in bacon.
• and, dates stuffed with cheese and wrapped in bacon.

Seriously, all I did was put it under the broiler for about seven minutes and Voila!

My Sweet Spousal Unit tried ‘em. I hadn’t intended it, but he wrapped them in spinach (the spinach was supposed to make the picture look artsy-fartsy, but that doesn’t work when you are a cruddy photographer!). He liked them that way, and pronounced the cheese ones his favorite. But, he said he loved them all, and that I could make them any time I chose.

Hmmm. I think I choose to make them when he isn’t home so I don’t have to share!