It Was A Sabbatical

January 6, 2012

“Did you get lost in the shopping mall?” my reader asked. “Why aren’t you blogging?” No, I did not get lost in the shopping mall, and clearly she doesn’t know me very well. It takes an act of Congress to get me to enter the mall. Y’all realize, of course, that our current Congress rarely [...]

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Dear Ellen Degeneres, You Steered Me Wrong!

August 24, 2011

Dear Ellen Degeneres, I am so disappointed in you! After Oprah left, I thought you would be the “new guru,” telling all of us out in television viewer land how we should think and what we should do. The truth is that you were always my guru; I admit I have a girl crush on [...]

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I’ve Been Everywhere, Man, I’ve Been Everywhere.

July 17, 2011

Facebook gets me giggling sometimes because I have some extremely hilarious friends. One of them is Catherine Crowley, a marvelous storyteller/educator who was born to be a comedian. She loves wordplay, which is my favorite kind of humor. Lately she posted a few lines that she stole from someone, so I stole them from her: [...]

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Incentive

March 1, 2011

Did y’all ever hear folks talk about dangling a carrot on a stick in front of a donkey to get it to move forward? A carrot might be incentive for a donkey … but not for me! Coffee might work as incentive, especially if it’s a mocha from Jupiter House (my favorite Denton hangout). But, [...]

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Glamour Shot At The DMV

February 18, 2011

Reaching for my wallet, I approached the receptionist in the school office. In most school districts, guests are required to show their driver’s license as a form of identification. In fact, many schools have a machine that scans the license and spits out a label with your driver’s license picture and the name on your [...]

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She Blew My Dress Up

October 26, 2010

I didn’t have to beg hard to get my friend, Judy, to chauffeur me to El Mercado in downtown San Antonio. I was seeking figurines to put on my altar for El Dia de los Muertos. If you are curious about that holiday, you can find out much more about it at azcentral.com. At any [...]

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Unleash Your Inner Buccaneer

September 19, 2010

My inner child (The Muse) woke me up early today. She was excited because this is a special day on the internet. It’s a day to unleash your inner buccaneer and Talk Like A Pirate. I can already tell she is going to be difficult this morning. Arrr, `Tis talk like a seafarin’ hearty tide! [...]

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The Wright Stuff

September 2, 2010

Some mornings, I have to begin by seeking humor in order to face the world. Does that ever happen to you? This morning I pulled out a book of quotes and flipped to the page with observations by Steven Wright. Do y’all know him? He’s that sardonic comedian with the deadpan delivery that is so [...]

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Excuse Me, Gotta Run

July 20, 2010

I was trying to compensate for the fact that we were serving our guests pizza that my husband had brought home from work the day before. They were perfectly untouched pizzas, and nobody spat in them or anything, but I felt guilty. So, I bought a truckload of fresh fruit: watermelon, cantaloupe, pineapple, grapes, cherries. [...]

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Top Ten Signs You’ve Hired A Bad Defense Attorney

July 5, 2010

In my defense, let me say that I didn’t start this conversation. Let it also be noted that I have had no need for a defense attorney to this point (Honey, put the lid down on the toilet so you don’t make me a liar!). My nephew, who is an attorney, and also has a [...]

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Were You Trying To Tell Me Something, Dear?

June 21, 2010

Though he claims that he didn’t get past “Tenderfoot,” my husband takes the Boy Scout motto to heart: Be prepared. I asked him to clean the cat litter boxes for the five cats … and he greeted me in a “hazmat” suit. It was a joke! I swear it’s not that bad. I’d take pity [...]

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The Dog Ate It

March 26, 2010

Those were the words of the little boy who turned in this book at the school library where I worked this week: “The dog ate it.” I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Well, OK, you are right. I laughed. Then the librarian told me that he was the first person to check out [...]

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My Muse, Or Inner Child, Loves The Library

January 9, 2010

[Editor's Note: There is a "voice" that talks to me inside my head ... some would postulate that there are several voices in there. The one I recognize, I call Muse, but other people might call Her the "Inner Child." She is definitely that. Talking to Her is a bit like talking to a seven [...]

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There Is A Worm In My Apple: Bookworm!

October 13, 2009

If the board game “Boggle” and the video game “Tetris” had a “nooner” at the Motel Six, the resulting “love child” would be an application for my iPhone called “Bookworm.” I have done it again! I’ve gained another addiction! Was it not enough that I am addicted to bacon? To coffee? To cheesy mystery novels? [...]

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No More Excuses For No Grocery Bags

July 9, 2009

Down at the coffee shop this morning, I conducted an informal poll. Folks sitting at the tables there are accustomed to me dropping by and asking stupid questions and, thankfully, they put up with me. I asked ten people, “What is the easiest baby step that a person can take to ‘go green’?” Surprisingly to [...]

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I Want To Be Queen

July 1, 2009

I have to tell y’all that bacon is the reason I get out of bed in the morning. Well, that and I have to pee (which was probably more information than you wanted to read). This morning I awoke and found my pillow drenched with drool, because I had been dreaming about fried pig meat. [...]

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The Knack

May 14, 2009

I’m sorry. This Dilbert video is a little bit of “engineering humor. If you don’t get it, that’s OK. Mr. Tucker gets it, because he’s got it … “the Knack,” that is. If you don’t live with an engineer, you don’t understand this at all. I’m not sure that I always do. I asked Mr. [...]

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It’s All Geek To Me

May 13, 2009

Have y’all ever been in a foreign country and didn’t speak the language? Perhaps you were surrounded by people who didn’t speak your language either. All of a sudden you have to go to the bathroom, but you don’t know the word to call it. When you try express yourself to ask someone where the [...]

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To Catch A Teenager

May 4, 2009

So, have y’all seen that Dateline NBC show, “To Catch A Predator?” You know the one: that guy Chris Hansen sets up a sting to catch slimeballs who talk to teenage girls on the internet and arrange to meet them for a “good time” (wink, wink). Oh, Chris Hansen is merciless, isn’t he? Last night [...]

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My Muse Assures Me That Grief Is Good

April 30, 2009

[Editor's note: If you have been here before, you might know that my Muse is just ONE of the voices that talk regularly in my head. This isn't our first conversation. The Muse is a bit childish. She loves to play dress up, go out and play or shop, eat chocolate, guzzle triple-shot mochas, and [...]

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