I’ve been to enough outdoor festivals that I should know these things by heart.

Items to take to an outdoor festival:

• chair
• camera
• binoculars
• blanket or jacket
• bottled water
• sunscreen
• mosquito repellent
• antihistamine!
• taser gun for zapping unruly crowds!

I know them, but I still forget.

I had told y’all about the horrible crowds at the Denton Arts and Jazz Festival. On Friday night, throngs of idiots who arrived late scrambled to stand in front of the stage, blocking the view for the people who had been there all day waiting to see. I had groused that I was going to take an umbrella to jab offensive people, but Jamie had suggested tasering folks and stacking them like cordwood.

I’m happy to report that the Saturday night crowd was much more civilized. Or, maybe the police just had it figured out better, and stopped people from going down to the front. At any rate, the taser gun I dragged along was unnecessary (but impressive). However, I forgot antihistamine and a jacket! When we went down to the festival grounds, it was hot (so we were in our free t-shirts provided by Jupiter House Coffee). By nightfall, the temperature dropped dramatically. The freshly mowed lawn put a lot of pollen in the air (as if there isn’t enough of that in the air in Texas already).

By the time my hero, Delbert McClinton, came on stage, my teeth were chattering and I couldn’t breathe through my nose!



[photo by Matthew Barnes]

The worst news, is that if I had not already been a Delbert McClinton fan, THIS concert would NOT have made me one. Bless his heart, Delbert has been performing since the early 1960s. When he ripped into a song, he could rock the house. His voice has been abused mightily over the years.

I was mortified for him. I had been bragging on and on to the woman next to me about how good Delbert was, since she had never heard him. As the concert began, I wanted to swallow my tongue. He sounded weak, and ragged. He couldn’t carry a melody! Aww, say it ain’t so! No, it’s true.

Maybe it was an aberration. Perhaps he has allergies, too. It could have been that he was exhausted. It might have been that the sound system had a glich. Or, was it just my ears?

I don’t think so. If that is how he sounds all the time, somebody needs to tell him that it’s time to retire. I think his voice is dead and gone (R.I.P.).

The woman next to me was less than impressed. She left after three songs. We waited until he took a break. I should have gone sooner, because I don’t want to remember Delbert that way.

At least I got to hear him in road houses and honky tonks thirty years ago. That Delbert is still my hero.

That’s the tune I’m singing, folks. I’m so disappointed. We went to the Denton Arts and Jazz Festival, but came home early. The music was stellar, but I don’t “do” uncivilized crowds very well.

Oh, at first it was fine. We arrived at about 5:45, and staked out a small area about 15 yards from the stage. We spread a sleeping bag, and put down our two chairs (low to the ground, so that people can see over us, because we are polite like that). We enjoyed Metzler’s Barbecue and a beer

then some fabulous strawberry crepes, while we listened to the NTSU 1 o’clock lab band.

The 1 o’clock lab band is magnificent. It always comprises the best of the music students at North Texas State University. Did you know that such diverse musicians as Don Henley, Meatloaf, Stan Kenton, and Pat Boone went to North Texas State University? Yep. We are talking a high quality, “class act.” And, we were having a good time listening to their jazz music.

I wandered around a little looking at crafts in the sea of booths. Good thing I didn’t take my wallet!

Then, the Buster Brown Band played a set.

I was pretty impressed. They rocked! They played some of their own music, but also some wonderful tunes like Curtis Mayfield’s “Superfly.” I was having a good time!

Hey, for a free concert, this was about as good as it gets.

Unfortunately, that was as good as it got.

I’d been excited about seeing the Neville Brothers, but when they came on stage is when people started getting totally rude. They pushed their way to the front and stood in front of people who had been sitting for hours waiting to see the band.

Of course, people on the front row couldn’t see, so they had to stand. The people behind them couldn’t see, so they had to stand. In order to see Aaron Neville (sigh), I had to be on my feet! I was not amused.

Do you see all those bobble heads in front of me??! OMG, do you see Aaron Neville (squeal!)?

I got even less amused, when stupid drunken people decided to step across our sleeping bag (spilling beer all over it) instead of walking behind us. We scooted as far forward as we could to leave an aisle behind, but newcomers filled the space. I thought I was gonna have to smack one smart aleck little toot who almost wouldn’t let me move my purse out of the way before he pushed in front of us.

Maybe I’m just getting old, but it seems to me that the festival’s organizers could arrange that better. Maybe they could delineate a space in front, where people sit, and make the “standing room only” crowd be at the back. Is that so unreasonable?

We got disgusted enough to move outside of the festival ground to listen for awhile, but then we just came on home.

Strangest thing, on my back porch, I can hear the music very well, and I can see the stage as well, too. Which means I can’t see it at all.

Delbert McClinton plays on Saturday night. I may have to take an umbrella to prod people who offend me.

I make a pretty good curmudgeon.

But, I distinctly heard that smart aleck little boy call me something else. It started with a “b” and rhymed with “itch.” I do so hope he comes around again when I have my umbrella.

Y’all, I’m so excited I can’t sit still. I’m poppin’ around like corn kernels in a frying pan!

The Denton Arts and Jazz Festival is just around the corner, and I just found out who will be playing!

I’ve told you I adore Delbert, and even got to meet him once. It’s on a guest post at Life is Rantastic. If you don’t know him, go read that real quick (there is some music embedded in the page) and come right back.

But that’s not all! Guess who else will be there.

Oh, Lordy! Somebody pinch me because I must be dreaming.

Excuse me, let me wipe up the drool, here.

The Denton Arts and Jazz Festival is always held on the last full weekend of April. It’s two and a half days of FREE MUSIC with the additional attraction of artists and craftsmen selling wares (you can find the coolest stuff!), games for the kids, FOOD! Where is it? Why, it’s in the heart of our fair city in the Quakertown Park.

Did I hear you say you don’t know how to get to Denton? Well, here’s a map:

Get your lawn chairs and y’all come. E-mail to tell me you are on our way. I don’t have a guest room to offer because it’s filled with afghans for Share A Square. But, we can picnic in the park.

Don’t expect me to talk to you, though. When Delbert sings, I listen.