The last many months for me has been nothing but go. . . go. . . GO! Every woman out there knows what I mean, and I believe that most men understand it, too. Some of us fill our lives so full that we barely get to enjoy the things we do. I’m one of those people.

Aside from duties as wife, homemaker, parent, and self-employed professional storyteller, I’m also a blogger, a “crafter,” and a self appointed “do-gooder.” I don’t know how that happened except that I just kept saying, “yes.” I got so disorganized, and my life got so unbalanced, that my body is currently teaching me how to say, “no.” I stressed myself to the max, exhaustion hit, and then I came down with a cold that I can’t shake. I have spent three days barely motivating from bed to couch and back again. My physical body reached its limit and has caused me to come to a screeching halt.

I’m not getting any work done, and of course I feel guilty about it.

I think part of my problem has been that I was brought up to fully embrace the demands that society puts on me. Momma didn’t mean to do it, but she taught me that if my house is dirty it is a reflection upon me as a homemaker…not on the other people sharing a house with me. When my Sweet Spousal Unit washes dishes for me, I am conditioned to take that as a silent rebuke of my homemaking skills (when that is not his intent at all!). I also, somehow, absorbed the idea that a woman must be out in the real world earning a wage. I feel guilty if I don’t bring home some bacon and then fry it when I get home! If there isn’t enough storytelling work, I fill my time with other projects that give me a sense of self-worth.

Our whole society has made some pretty impossible demands on women (and men, too). I’m conditioned to feel guilty and unworthy if I don’t meet those expectations of “Super Woman.” How about you?

I recently read an article by Martha Beck, who is an author and a life coach. In her article “In defense of an unbalanced life,” Beck postulates
“I can tell you with absolute assurance that it is impossible for women to achieve the kind of balance recommended by many well-meaning self-help counselors. I didn’t say such balance is difficult to attain. I didn’t say it’s rare. I said it’s ‘impossible.‘”

Beck likened our ridiculous guilt over not meeting society’s expectations to any individual feeling “guilty” for not preventing Hurricane Katrina. It’s not our fault that we can’t meet those expectations. It can’t be done. She suggests that we recognize that society places impossible demands upon us and join a “gentle rebellion” to create our own cultural paradigm, by seeking the balance within ourselves.

Is that possible?

How do we sift and sort through the ideas of our expectations to determine which are ours alone and which are taught us by our society? How do we create our own balance? Those are questions I will be pondering for myself over the next several weeks, as I try to re-claim my life from the hurricane that I have created.

Ms Beck said, “Women describe the moments when they really “got” that the expectations they’d been trying to fulfill were unfulfillable. They say this epiphany was terrible because it meant relinquishing the goal of total social acceptance. But it was also the beginning of freedom, of learning to seek guidance by turning inward to the heart, rather than outward to social prescriptions.”

I’ve “got” that it’s time to change my expectations of myself. Now, I’d love to hear your views on the subject. I propose something of a “group writing” project. I have no clue what to call the project; maybe just “Finding Balance.” If you’d like to write a post, do so by May 9th, and then come tell me. If you don’t have a blog, send me an e-mail and I’ll post what you have to say. I’ll combine the links to any posts.

I’d like to know how you define “balance.” Do you believe there is there such a thing, and how do you achieve it? Have you joined the “Gentle Rebellion” of which Beck speaks? Do you cling to the expectations that our society has upon you, or do you make up your own rules?

Maybe with your combined wisdom, I can figure out my dilemma!

[Find other Group Writing Projects]

UPDATE: The results (though not many) are posted here. But, what I’ve really learned about balance, I discovered while dancing.

I sat down to write this morning at about 9 am and just as I put a title on the page, I decided to check my statistics. I showed 365 unique visitors at that point for this morning. It seemed like an omen. Y’all hear that eerie music, or is it just me? That

I have a strange mood on today. Maybe it’s because the day is overcast. The clouds are hanging low after yesterday’s tornadoes. It feels oppressive.

Perhaps it’s because of that recent birthday (turning 54 made me realize I’m more than halfway done). Or finding out that my cholesterol is through the roof (which will definitely shorten that time)!

It could have been the theme of Scribbit’s recent Write Away contest: “The Next Twenty Years.” I had to realize that there may not be twenty years. I was going to write for it, but was overcome with the sadness of that thought. I’m not sure I want to live past a hundred, but I have a lot to do before I expire. Scribbit’s Write Away theme for April is “Going Home,” and it works on my mood, too. Dang. Maybe you can write for that one.

The mood could have been bought on by having lunch with my dear friend, Cathy, yesterday. We had a great time, but I left realizing how much I miss getting to see her regularly.

I know that the mourning dove who took up residence outside my window isn’t helping matters! Have you ever heard the lonesome cry of that bird? I don’t have to work up crocodile tears when I hear it. Click this link, if you don’t know the sound.

I had hoped to write a funny post for April Fool’s Day, but it’s not going there. I’m all caught up in memories. I’m thinking about friends, acquaintances, enemies…all the people who have touched my life. For me, it’s the people in my life that fulfill me.

How often do we tell them how we feel about them?

I visited Schmutzie yesterday and read a few of the posts that she has done in her “x 365″ series. She got me thinking about all this (dagnab it). Do you know about the”x365 project?” Here’s what the website says:

Dan Waber turned 40 on January 12th, 2006, and wanted to mark the occasion in some positive fashion. So he got this crazy idea (not an unusual event) to write 40 words (no more, no less) every day for a year, and each day he’d write about a different person (in no particular order) who touched his life. But not just anyone, it has to be someone he’s actually met in person, someone whose name he still remembers.

Wow. I started remembering people. I started a list. I decided that I need to chronicle the people who have touched me (for good or ill). The “recipe” for the posts are your age=your number of words. Hmmm. That gives me 54 words. Not much for a storyteller. I thought I should wait to begin it on an auspicious date, like New Year’s or my birthday. But, then I read Jamie’s post today at Duward Discussion and read that April 1st was once the new year. The stars are aligned it seems.

So, it begins. But not on this blog. I started a little Blogspot blog to house it. Blogger is stupid! You can read about that in this rant. My new WordPress blog is hereYou can read it, if you’d like, but I won’t be allowing comments. It’s really just for me.

It’s my way of making peace with my memories. I’ll say the things I wish I had said to people long gone from my life, and to people in it now.

So, I’m committing to posting 54 words a day for a year (which isn’t as easy as it sounds).

Talk about an “April Fool.”

There are some days when I just don’t feel like writing. Do y’all have days like that? I can sit at this computer and stare at it for hours, and words just won’t come. Other days, ideas keep bubbling up to the surface. Sometimes so many ideas that I can’t concentrate on just one.

Inspiration strikes when it gets good and darned ready. I call that inspiration “My Muse,” and I talked about Her before when Vivienne at Inspiration Bit urged us to ponder our sources of inspiration. You can visit my entry to that Group Writing Project, if you want to know what I said.

My Muse is elusive and whimsical. As I explained in that post, sometimes I can entice Her, but I can’t make Her do anything. I’ve been thinking about Her lately, and decided to join another group project. Joanna Young, at Confident Writing is having a group writing challenge that began as a meme. Here are the rules she posted:

• Share 4 lots of 4 things on the theme of writing and inspiration
• You don’t need to follow these headings: there are zillions of possibilities (4 blogs, 4 books, 4 authors, 4 people, 4 teachers, 4 pieces of music, 4 paintings and so on)
• But please stick to the format of 4 x 4 and the theme of writing and inspiration
• Post your contribution by 28th March (midnight, your time)
• Let me know you’ve written your piece, by linking to this post, leaving a comment on the post, or contacting me

This is what I’ve got for you. You can join in (if you have the time and the inspiration), or just leave a comment if you want to tell me what works for you:
Joanna listed things that were “uninspirational.” I know what makes my Muse go away! So, I’ll start with that.

4 blocks to my writing creativity:

1. Pressure. Don’t tell me “you must.” Don’t nag me. Don’t even say anything that my pea brain could possibly perceive as nagging. Don’t give me a strict deadline. If I can write about a subject, My Muse will do it in a time of Her own choosing.
2. Too much “on my plate.” I don’t juggle well. If I have too many things to get done, I just can’t think. The Muse just hides away.
3. Gloomy days. I think I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. When the sun doesn’t peep out, I have a hard time being creative on any level. I just want to curl up and read or sleep.
4. The Unexpected. I can be very spontaneous…if it’s on my calendar a week in advance. I just don’t “do” changes very well. I’ve always been that way. I like to know what’s on the agenda. That makes it sound like I am anal retentive, which could explain why some people say I am full of…
   …never mind.

I could list many more than four, but that’s the magic number, so I’ll spare you.

When I’m blogging, there are other bloggers who always make me start thinking. They are an inspiration and they are “touchstones” for me. A trip down my blogroll will show you many of them, and it’s hard to pick just four. I was going to try that, but decided that I’d offend someone if they weren’t on the list!!
“Ah kin only liyust fower.,” she whined in that terrible Texas twang. [Translation: "I can only list four." We make one syllable words into two when we cayun.]

Since I can’t in good conscience list the blogs, I’ll tell you some other reading matter that appeals to me and gets me thinking. I read to get inspiration, but not the works of “great authors.” I know I’m not really an author. I have “moments,” but writing is not my skill. Get me on a stage telling a story, and that’s a different scenario. I tell stories, and the ideas come from all sorts of places.
4 things I read for inspiration.

1. The newspaper. Yep. Ann Landers is a good place to start. In our hometown paper, I look for the “police blotter,” which is always a source of ridiculous ideas. Usually, anything in the Lifestyle section of the paper is fodder for an active imagination.
2. Collections of Trivia. I find tons of interesting and obscure books at my favorite bookstore. Trivia and books about the sources of words fascinate me.
3. Any ghost story. I’m a sucker for those stories that make your hair stand on end. That’s why I chose “Scared Silly” as a topic for the current writing contest (that ends at noon today!!)
4. Humorous authors. Give me the writing of Celia Rivenbark, Dave Berry, David Sedaris, or Armistead Maupin (and dozens of others) and I’ll have a story of my own when I’m done with the book. Humor inspires me. I couldn’t tell you why that is.

I’m always coming up with ideas when I do not have a writing implement! Isn’t that the way it always works?
Here are 4 situations that inspire me:

1. Driving a long stretch of highway. If there is no traffic, I get lost in thought. Heck, once I was driving back from a week long trip on the road and there was a character developing in my mind. It was the middle of the night and I was so caught up in thinking that I “overshot the runway.” I passed Denton and was almost to Oklahoma when I realized what I had done! I could have been home 40 minutes earlier except for that dadgum Muse of mine.
2. Working in the garden. Get my fingers in the dirt, and my mind goes to work. I don’t know if it’s memories from Papaw’s farm coming in to play or what, but I start telling myself stories that later get written down (after I’ve scrubbed my hands, of course).
3. Walking a beach or lakeshore. Y’all, I grew up going to Lake Texoma every weekend. We were constantly on the water, and I just come alive when I’m near a lake, river, stream, or seashore. Unfortunately, I married a perfectly delightful man who does not care for the water. A small price to pay for marital bliss, but I still miss it.
4. Lost in a crowd. I’m a people watcher; a voyeur. In a casino, I’m not gambling, I’m watching the gamblers and “living” through their eyes. I’ve been known to follow people around just to watch their expressions and listen to their voices. On a crowded city street, I’m that maniac who is looking you right in the eye. I’m not a stalker, really! My storytelling is peopled with folks I have seen in real life. It’s “character study.”

Finally, 4 places that inspire My Muse

1. San Francisco, CA. The first time I was left alone to walk the streets, I knew I had been born to live there. What better place for people watching? It has a wacky weirdness that totally appeals to me.
2. Santa Fe, NM. The art galleries draw me, and every wonderful piece of art tells a story. The scenery surrounding the city is amazing, but the city itself is just teeming with history.
3. Eureka Springs, AR. Again, it’s a wacky town. The temperature is to my liking, the mountains are gorgeous, and characters are everywhere.
4. Denton, TX or any small town USA. Folks who haven’t spent much time in a small town think that we don’t have anything more exciting to do than watch clothes roll around the dryer at the laundromat. I beg to differ. You just have to dig a little. And, if you want to sit and talk to people (and get them to tell you stories) find out where the old men sit to have their coffee. The Waffle House, or the equivalent, is where the stories are.

That’s what I’ve got for you. It was a great exercise to think about what works for me. I was a little surprised when I started considering it. Of course, I was itching to get into what inspires me for weaving, or for spinning, or for cooking, etc. Being creative in the other areas of my life help inspire the writing, too. I’ll save that for another day, and maybe have some pictures with it.

So, tell me. What inspires you?