Tag Archive for bacon

Donuts With The Right Angle

These donuts have four right angles, to be exact. They aren’t round, they are square, and they are delicious! Friends, I was in Hog Heaven when I discovered Bacon Maple Donuts at Denton Square Donuts last week. It does not get any better than this:

bacon maple donut from Denton Square Donuts

Y’all do know that I love bacon, don’t you? Of course I do. I think that bacon grease is the Nectar of the Gods. Kevin Bacon isn’t so bad, either (I don’t say that from personal experience, because I’m more than 6 degrees away from him, but he is easy on the eyes).

I digress.

I was talking about donuts and the new donut shop in town. After I ate this delicious morsel, I wept with ecstasy — and wailed that it was gone too soon. It was flavored with just the right hint of maple, and not too sweet. Heck, I could eat one of those for lunch. Or, supper. In fact, Denton Square Donuts is open at night and will be serving wine with the donuts! That’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout. How many donut shops do you know that serve wine?

Denton Square Donuts

When we walked up to this new donut shop in town, which is nestled into a tiny shop just off of the downtown square, it seemed to be all quiet. We had actually tried to go there a few days before and the line was out the door.

line at donut shop

Once inside, we saw a crowd of folks who were swooning with desire for these delightful pastries as the staff worked swiftly to fill the orders. I think I might as well face the fact that there will always be a line.

I had a hard time deciding which donuts to try (beyond the bacon). There were many more donuts from which to choose, but I was focused on the pig. Oh, those wicked folks tempted me with a display tray of delightfully decorated donuts. To snap a picture, I had to get them to take the top off of the tray, because it seemed to be covered with drool (I lie).

square donut selection

They had “Cinnamon Doughst,” Pizza, Oreo, M&M, S’Mores and more. I gobbled the Bacon Maple first, then went for an “Apple Pi R2” (what do they mean —everybody knows that pie are round?). I washed it all down with a “Pig on a Pillow.” Wait a minute! I wasn’t a hog about it; I shared with Mr. Tucker, but I nearly chomped down on his finger when he got in my way. Don’t get between a gal and her bacon!

Before I’m done, I’ll try them all and be as rotund as Homer Simpson. In fact, my husband woke me up from a dream the other night and claimed I was moaning, “Donuts.” You would have been dreaming about them, too, if you tried that Bacon Maple!

So, which of those flavors do you think would tempt you?

Incentive

Did y’all ever hear folks talk about dangling a carrot on a stick in front of a donkey to get it to move forward? A carrot might be incentive for a donkey … but not for me! Coffee might work as incentive, especially if it’s a mocha from Jupiter House (my favorite Denton hangout). But, I drink that every dadgum day. The owner appreciates me; he knows that I pay the light bill.

Nahh. I need something special as a treat. Maybe chocolate … or bacon! What if you could combine chocolate AND bacon? Now THAT would be pretty awesome, if only somebody would …

Hey, wait! Somebody DID!

Dark Bacon Candy Bar

That, my friends, is a Mo’s Dark Bacon Bar. I have not tasted it yet, although I’ve had it sitting in that hand on the shelf taunting me. It’s my incentive to move forward! I get to eat that candy bar on the day I can show you a picture of the next twenty-five afghans for the kids at Camp Quality ( I already showed you the first twenty). I actually have fifty of those Share A Square afghans that are assembled at my house, but 9 need to be edged with a crochet trim. I can’t show them to you until they look purdy.

I’m working on it, believe me! I want that candy bar!

So, what works as “incentive” for you? Is there another candy bar motivational tool out there that I need to discover?

I Want To Be Queen

I have to tell y’all that bacon is the reason I get out of bed in the morning. Well, that and I have to pee (which was probably more information than you wanted to read). This morning I awoke and found my pillow drenched with drool, because I had been dreaming about fried pig meat. I hopped out of bed so I could run down to the Piggly Wiggly store to buy some bacon, but remembered that I can’t go to Piggly Wiggly anymore.

I want to wrap myself in bacon!

I want to wrap myself in bacon!

I know I was dreaming about bacon because I saw this “bacon wrap” on the internet last night. I want that shawl! I would look sizzling hot in that! It is sooo “me.”

Unfortunately, the crafter on Etsy who made this particular masterpiece sold out all of her bacon scarves a year ago. I need one of these shawls for next winter! I know it’s too hot to think about that right now, but I have to start soon if I’m going to get this made by winter. I wonder if I could knit it on skewers instead of needles? That’s a shawl fit for a queen, don’t y’all think?

I’m going to admit to you that I fantasize. I want to be “The Queen of Bacon.” It’s sad, I know, but true. You see, I grew up in the South, where Mommas teach their daughters at an early age that we must have certain aspirations:

  1. We must become beauty queens.
  2. We must marry well.
  3. The only profession we must pursue is that of becoming kindergarten teachers.

I managed Number Two, but it took two tries to do it.

Unfortunately, becoming a kindergarten teacher was out of the question. Don’t get me wrong, I admire kindergarten teachers and think they should become saints without having to die and be beatified and canonized. I mean, just the fact that they can deal with twenty rug rats with incessant questions, snotty noses, and the attention spans of gnats should qualify as a miracle. Right? At one miracle per kid, any kindergarten teacher has already performed more than the two miracles required.

I, however, am not saintly material.

I’m not beauty queen material either, because of that doggone swimsuit competition. When God said “breast,” I thought he said, “rest” and I sat down and didn’t get mine. The swimsuit competition would definitely be a problem — unless there is a competition for a “Cellulite Queen.” I bet I could give the other gals a run for their money on that! Or, maybe “Varicose Vein Queen.” I’m blessed in that department, too.

I thought about being a Sweet Potato Queen, because there don’t seem to be any requirements for that other than being absolutely silly. I have that requirement covered — however, my Sweet Spousal Unit doesn’t like sweet potatoes.

Actually, that’s putting it mildly. Mr. Tucker detests sweet potatoes. He despises them. He gags when he watches me eat them, which I don’t do very often. I can’t enjoy my sweet potato while he threatens to hurl right there at the table! How unappetizing is that? And, someone explain to me how a man who has Southern roots can not like a sweet potato? I guess growing up in California took the starch out of him.

I’ve decided that The Queen of Bacon is what I want to be, and I’m not going to bother with any ridiculous competitions. I’d hate to ruin the self esteem of all those other women vying for the title. They just don’t have a chance against me! I’m just going to proclaim myself Queen, and call it good. It’s a coup. I’m just going to be a legend in my own mind.

I’ll need a crown, of course. If you want to give me the recipe instructions on how to make it I will create it … or you can make it for me.

I need a crown, but this is a waste of bacon.

I need a crown, but this is a waste of bacon.

Actually, don’t waste the bacon — just send me a sparkly diamond crown and that shawl! That’s the most I would ask of my loyal subjects. In return, I promise:

  • I will call for an end to the swine flu epidemic.
  • There will be peace throughout the land, as we all come to the table and eat bacon. OK, I’m going to have to figure out something for folks whose religions don’t allow them to eat pork. I know! I’ll give them those fake bacon bits that have been in my pantry for six years. They won’t know the difference.
  • I also promise Universal Health care — we will need it to pay for the medical problems due to our high cholesterol. We are going to be eating a lot of bacon.
  • Because, in fact, I will end world hunger! There will be a pig in every pot. No wait!
    Did I die and go to heaven?

    Did I die and go to heaven?

    There will be bacon brownies for every household! “Let them eat cake!” This seems like a perfect marriage! Bacon and chocolate. Wait a minute … if bacon and chocolate can “marry,” why can’t …never mind…

I’m going back to my fantasy now. Actually, I’m not. I’m going to the store, because I saw the perfect salad. Y’all come on over and join The Queen of Bacon for lunch, y’hear?

BLT Salad?

BLT Salad?