Y’all, I know that I said I wasn’t going to be snarky on Only The Good Friday, but sometimes I just can’t stand oozing goodness out of every pore for a whole day. This is one of those times!
Whatever happened to the days when the wait staff at a restaurant stood respectfully at the table to take your order? You remember, don’t you? Back in the old days, they called you “Sir” or Ma’am” instead of saying, “Hey, Guys.” I’m sure they think that their “friendliness” makes our dining experience seem more “intimate.” I beg to differ!
We went to eat at The Outback Steakhouse tonight and were served by a “healthy gal,” as my Mamaw would politely say. She had no reservations about butting into our conversation to ask if we needed anything. That in itself was annoying, but the stance she took as she served us was appalling!
She squatted down beside our table. Yes, I said “squat.” That’s an ugly word, isn’t it? And, it’s an ugly pose! Y’all, this was no ladylike squat, with her knees to the side, either! Her legs were spread wide, which is not a lovely pose for a slim person. In skin tight khakis, every inch of her (ahem) “anatomy” was clearly defined! Do I need to draw y’all a picture here?
Believe me, I don’t want to get that intimate with the wait staff! Your darned tootin’, “‘TAIN’T” a pretty sight while you are eating! Or, any other time for that matter! Gag me!
Along about the third time she did it, I’d had quite enough. I couldn’t help myself, so don’t y’all go blaming me for my actions. When she squatted down, I put on a horrified expression (actually, it wasn’t “put on,” because I was horrified). I stared at her crotch for about five beats and then looked her square in the eye for three more beats before I opened my mouth to speak.
I didn’t have to reprimand her, because my face spoke volumes!
Funny thing — she didn’t squat any more at our table. She stood respectfully beside us when she addressed us!
When it came time to pay the tab, my husband and I discussed her tip. Normally we tip 20%, but we were thinking about giving her “squat.” In the end, we left her a decent tip. But, the tip I’d really like to give her is this: